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Fudgenut11 · Oct 26, 2013, 04:12 AM

Me and my boyfriend have been together for two and a half years and we love everything about each other. Lately, we've been arguing a bit and he says he needs space. I'm so afraid of losing him. He wants me to watch him play rugby tomorrow (2nd day of space) but then not conyact him until a week later. I asked him if he still wanted us and he said of course he does. But that he didn't know if we would be together by the end of the week. I asked him of there was anyone else he wanted or he could want and he said no. Please help :(

Homegirl 50 · Oct 26, 2013, 05:02 AM

Give him space but I would not watch his game. You don't tell someone you want space but come see me at this time or that, and then to say he does not know if you'll be together by the end of the week. Sounds like he may have someone in the wings and wants you to hang around just in case.
Leave him alone. This is unfair and disrespectful. How old are you guys?

joypulv · Oct 26, 2013, 07:05 AM

DITTO to what Homegirl said!

Get your self respect together, don't go watch him play, and don't contact him at the end of the week either. HE'S the one who wants the break, so it's his job to contact YOU. To see if you still want him. Which I wouldn't, not for a second. He sounds selfish and self centered.

Fudgenut11 · Oct 26, 2013, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Give him space but I would not watch his game. You don't tell someone you want space but come see me at this time or that, and then to say he does not know if you'll be together by the end of the week. Sounds like he may have someone in the wings and wants you to hang around just in case.
Leave him alone. This is unfair and disrespectful. How old are you guys?

We're both 17, I know we're only young but we can't seem to live without each other. We always come back to each other. It is unfair, how do I get him to understand what he is doing is kind of wrong? :(

Michlania · Oct 26, 2013, 10:28 AM

He said he wanted space so you should do that give him space

Fudgenut11 · Oct 26, 2013, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by Michlania

He said he wanted space so you should do that give him space

But if he wants me to come, I'll do anything to make this work...

Michlania · Oct 26, 2013, 10:51 AM

Does he always want you to go to his games? If so there are a couple of things, he forgot he said he wanted space, he got over wanting space, or he wants you at his game for support so I guess you could just ask him which one he wants you to do

joypulv · Oct 26, 2013, 10:51 AM

Originally Posted by Fudgenut11

But if he wants me to come, I'll do anything to make this work...

They why are you asking us what to do?
We OLDER ones here are telling you not to be a fool for love, because he is toying with you, taking advantage of you, knowing you will 'do anything.' And do you think he likes you better for being a meek little doormat? No.

Fudgenut11 · Oct 26, 2013, 10:58 AM

Originally Posted by Michlania

Does he always want you to go to his games? If so there are a couple of things, he forgot he said he wanted space, he got over wanting space, or he wants you at his game for support so I guess you could just ask him which one he wants you to do

I try to whenever I can, but all his family and extended family and friends are going to be there, I would like to go. But I don't want to get false hope :(

Originally Posted by joypulv

They why are you asking us what to do?
We OLDER ones here are telling you not to be a fool for love, because he is toying with you, taking advantage of you, knowing you will 'do anything.' And do you think he likes you better for being a meek little doormat? No.

Do you think I'm being a fool then?:/

joypulv · Oct 26, 2013, 11:21 AM

Originally Posted by Fudgenut11

Do you think I'm being a fool then?:/

We are all fools for love.
It takes friends and family and maybe a few strangers online to tell you to force yourself to NOT be a fool for love.
He'll respect you more. He may not be worth it. Someday you will meet someone who appreciates you.

And do you really want to sit in the stands with all those people who may know about this break? It makes you a suffering puppy dog. It's embarrassing. Just don't show up, and don't even tell him. Why should you? He doesn't get a week off and then order you around during that week. Show some guts.

Wondergirl · Oct 26, 2013, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

Show some guts.

And later, when he questions you why weren't you there, don't get all sniffly and apologetic. Tough for him! Get a backbone and remind him he wanted a break. So that's what you did.

In fact, I would never talk with him again.

talaniman · Oct 26, 2013, 12:31 PM

LOL, he asked for space for a week but doesn't know if you will be together after a week. Its definitely a game to keep you in your place and be so scared of losing him you will stop arguing and do as you are told or else.

You are to scared to know you have been insulted and disrespected. So you would rather have him than your own dignity and self respect. That's truly sad, and isn't love at all. You have made him more important than he has made you. Now he will really break your heart because you will allow it.

What have you been arguing about that's so bad he needs a break?

Homegirl 50 · Oct 26, 2013, 01:08 PM

This boy is toying with you and disrespecting you. I don't care how much you think you love him, it can't be enough to be made fool of. He has even told you he may not take you back after a week. That is crazy.
I would not go to that game and I would not talk to him anymore.

Fudgenut11 · Oct 26, 2013, 02:29 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

LOL, he asked for space for a week but doesn't know if you will be together after a week. Its definitely a game to keep you in your place and be so scared of losing him you will stop arguing and do as you are told or else.

You are to scared to know you have been insulted and disrespected. So you would rather have him than your own dignity and self respect. That's truly sad, and isn't love at all. You have made him more important than he has made you. Now he will really break your heart because you will allow it.

What have you been arguing about that's so bad he needs a break?

Just little things really. That have built up... I just want him back, he's my first love. Maybe I shouldn't be a fool but I can't see a life without him now...

joypulv · Oct 26, 2013, 03:23 PM

If you can't express what has gone wrong in general terms, you are doomed to keep repeating the same patterns. Does one of you demand more time and attention than the other does? Get mad when texts aren't answered? Get jealous of other people they might be talking to, and it's too close to flirting? Want words of love that aren't being said?
Those are the usual teen problems.
Relationships are hard work. They require talking things out calmly, and compromising.
When romance fades, it gets replaced (in a good relationship) with shared goals, respect for each other, non-possessiveness, and the ability to negotiate.

Fudgenut11 · Oct 26, 2013, 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by joypulv

If you can't express what has gone wrong in general terms, you are doomed to keep repeating the same patterns. Does one of you demand more time and attention than the other does? Get mad when texts aren't answered? Get jealous of other people they might be talking to, and it's too close to flirting? Want words of love that aren't being said?
Those are the usual teen problems.
Relationships are hard work. They require talking things out calmly, and compromising.
When romance fades, it gets replaced (in a good relationship) with shared goals, respect for each other, non-possessiveness, and the ability to negotiate.

Yes, I must admit that is me. I do ask him to give me more attention amd show his love for me. It started great and he brought mr my favourite flowers and took me to my favourite restaurant and paid. It's when things are so good, it's hard to let go.

joypulv · Oct 26, 2013, 04:40 PM

'It started great.. ' yes of course it always does.
'It's when things are so good, it's hard to let go.' I hope you aren't clinging to little girl visions of forever romance. They just don't last forever, not ever, not for anyone in the whole wide world. It's more and more obvious that you are not ready for an exclusive relationship. If you can't take the next step, and if you can't curb your demands and wants and insecurities, you aren't ready.
'Show me love' is extremely childish. Love is shown without presents, without constant I love yous, without having to be there all the time. Love has nothing to do with any of that. I can't begin to describe real love - it would take all day.
Start writing a journal about love and respect and compromise and understanding. What if you had a little sister who suddenly had cancer and 6 months to live? Would you quit your after school activities to read to her, give up time with friends, tell your parents not to spend a dime on you? Think, write, think some more.
Write him a letter all week, and hand it to him at the end. Tell him you are growing up.
I still think he is childish too. Good luck. Who knows, maybe you will both do some growing.

Fudgenut11 · Oct 27, 2013, 12:21 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

'It started great.. ' yes of course it always does.
'It's when things are so good, it's hard to let go.' I hope you aren't clinging to little girl visions of forever romance. They just don't last forever, not ever, not for anyone in the whole wide world. It's more and more obvious that you are not ready for an exclusive relationship. If you can't take the next step, and if you can't curb your demands and wants and insecurities, you aren't ready.
'Show me love' is extremely childish. Love is shown without presents, without constant I love yous, without having to be there all the time. Love has nothing to do with any of that. I can't begin to describe real love - it would take all day.
Start writing a journal about love and respect and compromise and understanding. What if you had a little sister who suddenly had cancer and 6 months to live? Would you quit your after school activities to read to her, give up time with friends, tell your parents not to spend a dime on you? Think, write, think some more.
Write him a letter all week, and hand it to him at the end. Tell him you are growing up.
I still think he is childish too. Good luck. Who knows, maybe you will both do some growing.

I never said that 'showing me love' had to materialistic things. I just meant the little things. It's like kissing me goodbye and the end of seeing him, holding my hand, it's the little bits of affection I meant. I would never ask for anything material. I'm not that sort of person. But I don't understand when you say I cling to to that forever romance. Tjecliches I'm guessing? I wouldn't strongly disagree and at the start of the relationship, I probably had that in mind - which yes, is childish and unfair. But now, I don't see any of that. I just see me and him. And I think using a sister who has cancer is very extreme and a bad example go use... However I like the idea of writing the letters.

bmj6791 · Oct 27, 2013, 01:26 AM

He's cheating on you!
Move on and find someone worth your time and your love!

joypulv · Oct 27, 2013, 05:28 AM

We have to go by what you write. ' I do ask him to give me more attention amd show his love for me. It started great and he brought mr my favourite flowers and took me to my favourite restaurant and paid.' sure sounds materialistic to me.

I'm the sort of woman who is creeped out by expectations of affection, whether it's a kiss each time you part, or holding hands, or saying I love you. If a kiss goodbye is a requirement, it loses all meaning. And then when a kiss goodbye would mean a lot, it's just another obligatory kiss. Plus I just wouldn't want someone who has to express love! Ugh. It's for show, it's mostly fake, it's not what love is about.
I suppose the sister with cancer was extreme, but your love for family, friends, and men will be tested against each other your whole life, mostly in little ways. That's when you will realize that love isn't about words or little rituals, it's about what you endure together, acts that stand the test of time.