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    zenfreak's Avatar
    zenfreak Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 9, 2012, 03:30 PM
    My boyfriend is insecure and controlling! What should I do?
    I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now (we are both 17) and I love him with all of my heart. We were inseparable when we first met and have been together ever since. It was fun and we used to have such a good time together fighting occasionally, just like all other relationships but still being able to sit down and talk about it. Recently he has been really insecure and controlling of my life. I am the type of person that makes friends quickly with either guys or girls. My boyfriend somehow doesn't seem to understand that all of my guy friends are just friends. He has set rules so that I am completely isolated from hanging out with my friends.

    1) no talking to anyone after 10pm
    2) no talking to guys PERIOD
    3) no Facebook while I am on video chat or talking to him on the phone
    4) not allowed to go to parties (I don't drink or smoke either way)

    I was recently asked to be a dancer in a play called Guys and Dolls and he got really angry about it and is not letting me do it. He started crying in my arms because he thought that I would rather have fun with my friends then be with him. My best friend asked me if I could help her find a guy that she could possibly have a thing with and maybe a relationship and he got really angry at me and permitted me to talking to her about any guys no matter what. He gets really angry when I go to his school (all guys and I go to an all girls school) and one of his friends come up and says hi to me and him. He doesn't allow me to even say anything when that happens.

    I'm not sure what to do anymore! Its getting to be too much! SOMEONE HELP
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #2

    Jan 9, 2012, 04:13 PM
    This guy is only looking to control you and you have to stop it now. It will only get worse if you allow it to continue.

    People like this manipulate at first and then look to completely control as time goes on. He's telling you who you can talk to, when and where you can go, and he's even telling you that you can't do a play... that is absolutely messed up. You really don't need to be treated like that.

    Tell him it's YOUR life and you will not be controlled. If you want to talk to someone, you will. If you want to go somewhere, you will. If you want to be in a play, you will. If he can't deal with that, then tell him to hit the road. It's the best thing you can do because as I said, it will only get worse as time goes on... and trust me, it will get MUCH worse... maybe even to the point of violence.

    As a side note, the point of him crying to you about you wanting to have fun without him... that is just one more way in which he was trying to manipulate you. He wanted to show you how much he cares and needs you... but it's all for him and none for you. He doesn't care or need you if he is limiting your life to only what he wants you to do.
    zenfreak's Avatar
    zenfreak Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Jan 9, 2012, 04:57 PM
    Thank you so much for your advice! It really helps. Your right on the dot.
    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 7,691, Reputation: 1547
    Entomology Expert
     
    #4

    Jan 9, 2012, 08:08 PM
    I hope everything works out for you and that you are able to find someone that treats you as you should be treated.

    Good luck.

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