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    Silent Breeze's Avatar
    Silent Breeze Posts: 114, Reputation: 6
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    #1

    Nov 27, 2010, 01:36 AM
    Before you leave..
    If you were leaving the country for good, would you tell your old crush that you once cared for him more than all your friends? If you had one last time to tell him all what is in your heart.. what would you say now that you have nothing to lose? How would you say it?
    If you need any more details please let me know =)

    Thank you for your time and efforts.
    apremru's Avatar
    apremru Posts: 22, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #2

    Nov 27, 2010, 05:07 AM
    If the crush is more than just a crush then I think that you owe it to yourself and him to say it like it is. What's the worst that can happen, he'll say he doesn't feel the same... solved, then you move on cause you have your answer.

    Try saying "Give me reason to stay,you're the one who can"
    feroluce's Avatar
    feroluce Posts: 30, Reputation: 7
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    #3

    Nov 27, 2010, 08:30 AM
    It's easier to regret something you've done than something you haven't done.

    My advice would be to not plan it. Just say what comes to you at the moment.
    If you plan what you're going to say, you're going to be stressing out about remembering it and if it's the right thing to say etc.
    Silent Breeze's Avatar
    Silent Breeze Posts: 114, Reputation: 6
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    #4

    Nov 27, 2010, 01:58 PM
    I want to thank you both for your quick replies. I will be meeting him really soon.

    feroluce:
    What you said made absolute sense. Now however, I am wondering if I could ask why he was cold to me at times, a question that has been on my mind for so long.. or should I not dig up the past. But as you said, regretting something you did is way easier. At least I'd know.. right? If I should, how do I say it in a way that doesn't seem like an accusation, and more like a question? And should I just go out and say I like you right after I say that I'm leaving.. How can I phrase it correctly..
    apremru:
    Wisely written. I will try to say something pretty similar to that... but the problem is that I get so nervous and I stumble with words.. but practicing what I want to say doesn't always turn out right. :S Any more suggestions to pass on the message I wrote earlier to feroluce would be very much appreciated.
    feroluce's Avatar
    feroluce Posts: 30, Reputation: 7
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    #5

    Nov 27, 2010, 09:01 PM
    In a conversation, only 20% of the communication is words.
    I know that sounds weird, but it's true.
    Tone and context are far more significant. That's how with your friends, a standard insult can be meant and taken as a compliment.
    If you don't feel it's an accusation, it won't come out as one.

    I've never been good at goodbyes.
    I don't mean I find them difficult, I mean I'm crap at them. I just disappear with no thought of saying goodbye. That's just me.
    I'd say you were telling him as part of the goodbye, but don't leave it to the last minute. Give the poor guy time to digest it before you actually leave.

    I've emigrated myself, it isn't an easy decision and there has to be a catalogue of reasons you do it.
    It's going to take more than one reason for you to stay. You've already made your mind up to go, if you stay you'll be miserable, trust me on that.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #6

    Nov 27, 2010, 09:58 PM

    But if you are going to be going, what good will it do, there is no relationship from long distances, and since you use the word crush I will assume a fairly young age
    apremru's Avatar
    apremru Posts: 22, Reputation: 2
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    #7

    Nov 28, 2010, 06:23 AM
    I totally agree with feroluce in that you should not practice what you are going to say... say it from he heart, your actions and body launguage will do the rest. Also giving him time to digest the information is also vey important - everybody processess thing at a different speed. His coldness (as you put it) could be him not understand or not knowing how to proceed with how he feels (towards you possibly.)
    Also, another quesion: is he currently seeing someone else cause if he is, maybe it would be a good idea to say something like 'that you have always thought him and that he will always have a place in your heart.'
    Silent Breeze's Avatar
    Silent Breeze Posts: 114, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Nov 28, 2010, 09:40 AM
    feroluce:
    Thanks again. About the conversation being 80% other than actual words, I do not find that weird at all, you just reminded me of something I knew but didn't apply to everyday situations.

    Saying goodbye is something everyone dreads and not many actually know what the right way to say goodbye is, there probably isn't one. You may be "crappy" at them because it hurts you too much to deal with the thought of never seeing that someone again.. shutting yourself off or avoiding the conversation is easier and gives you more space to digest matters yourself. I do that as well, but I've been pushing myself to say goodbye because I know I'll regret never having the courage to tell him what has been on my mind for so long. But that's just me.

    Staying is not likely, even if he asks me to, I could not grant his wish.

    Fr_Chuck:
    What you said is very true and is the main reason for my dilemma. What good would it do? I assume not going on without knowing the answers to questions that keep popping up whenever I remember him is a good reason. Though mentioning old feelings wouldn't do much, but perhaps asking this question might.
    I'm a freshman. So yes, I am young.

    apremru:
    I have been hearing lots of rumors about him being with someone.. yes. I do not want to cause any trouble, (though I know the girl will hurt him), it's none of my business. I just wanted to clear my head, and clear my heart. What you said is really good, thank you. What you said about reasons he may have been cold at times could be really true, I have thought of them before... but sometimes they just don't add up and I blame myself for running off with my imagination.


    Now, I'm sorry if I'm about to add a twist to all this, and maybe I'm just too hesitant and sensitive. I called him today and he seemed very happy to hear my voice and eager to hear about all my news. When I told him if we could meet up with a bunch of friends, he became hesitant and didn't seem willing. Then I told him that I wanted to sit down with him and talk for a while, stressing the matter that I had something on my mind I'd like to share, he told me he'd call to let me know if he could make it but he seemed very distant and quickly ended our phonecall. Should I just forget about the whole thing? Should I just let him find out from one of our friends? Why am I so worried about his feelings when he cannot even take a few hours from his "busy" life?

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