Last year when I was 14 I got very depressed. I felt nothing. I did everything very slowly. People noticed but I would convince them its just allergies or I was tired. It led me to slit my wrist one time. It went away after 4 months. Now, I am 15 years old, and its back worse than ever.


I know why its happening too. Firstly, I have no friends. I go to a small school (6 girls in my class, no boys, all of which are weird and do not click with me). My friends outside of school I don't talk to at all because I don't want to. This has ended in me losing pretty much all of my friends including my best friend. Not because we got in a fight or anything, simply because I didn't talk to her. I live in solitude and always feel alone. Secondly, it runs in my family, as my father had depression all throughout high school. Third, I have a life-threatening disease that will kill me before I am 50 years old. I spend over 2 hours a day doing treatments every day and take 20+ pills a day as well.


All these points aside, I am very happy and confident in my looks and personality. I do have a lot of anxiety in social situations, however, I know I am pretty and good at talking to people so it okay. I also get 8+ hours of sleep every night. I am also very smart and get good grades. This has caused a lot of confusion for me because I love myself but am still filled with depression.


I am very nervous for my future because I have had depression for two months and already want to slit my wrists and kill myself. Especially considering my best friend, my sister, will be leaving for university at the end of the year. Without her, I won't have anyone at all to talk to. No one at all.


I don't know exactly what I am looking for out of this. Maybe just some advice. Thanks for reading all of that.