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KingofKings102 · Sep 18, 2007, 05:02 PM

All right, so here's the full story.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for just about 9 months. Would have been 9 on the 25th of September (started going out last Christmas)
Saturday night, she called me up and said that since we couldn't be together that night that she was going to hang out with her friend. I said all right that's cool, I'll see you tomorrow.
The next day she calls and says we can't hang out because she forgot about her friend's pool party, so I said okay go to the party, we'll hang out Tuesday.
Sunday afternoon, 3 PMish I get a call from her. She said that she wanted to take a break. I said no why do you want to. After asking twice, she said "I found someone else"
So I call her again later and ask what's up and she's with the kid and I ask, "are you going out with him?" and she said yeah.

So I call her one more time that night and talk to her, and she said she wants to take a break, but see other people. I said how long of a break, she said 1 to 2 months. I said OK. She said she still loved me. I was content.
Then Monday comes.
I call in the AM to ask if there's anyway I can prove that I can make her happy and she said she doesn't know, she said she still loved me. Then during school I sent her a text message saying: "I miss you, and still love you. Do you?"
I got a reply an hour later saying no.
Now, I had probably annoyed her that day because I was calling so much and texting her a lot, it's supposed to be a break. So I talk to my friends and they say leave her alone. I call her once more that night. I asked if we're still taking a break, she said yes. I asked "Do you still love me?" she said "I really don't know." and she said she doesn't know if she wants to get back together. She wants to wait and see what happens.
Then today rolls around, I call her in the morning and tell her I hope she has a good day. After school, I call one last time. Not calling again for a while. She said she doesn't know if she wants to be back with me, and I asked if it was still a 50/50 chance we'd get back together and she said "no..it's less"
Since then I haven't talked to her.

I'm trying to move on, but I still care and I'm not going to just forget about it. I'm going to talk to her online, small talk nothing major and I'm going to give her space for a few days before calling again. Does anyone think I should continue trying? I'm going to talk to other people and stuff while I wait and see what happens, but I don't want to wait forever. How long should I wait?

Thanks for your replies.

EDIT: I forgot to mention
Me and her had only seen each other once in the week previous because she had work, and this new boyfriend she's seeing works with her and lives closer to her.

Ash123 · Sep 18, 2007, 05:09 PM

Some thoughts "King":

1) When someone want space, give it to them.

2) When someone want space, give it to them.

3) When someone want space, give it to them.

4) REPEAT

5) You have not done 1-4 yet.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 18, 2007, 05:14 PM

You are not moving on if you are constantly trying to talk to her and the more you bug her the more she's really not going to want to even remember your name.
She does not want you. Leave her alone.

ilovcali · Sep 18, 2007, 05:17 PM

In my opinion, never ask ANYONE IF THEY LOVE YOU more than once. EVER. Actually, I think that's a generality. LET YOUR PARTNER SAY IT, don't make them say it.

That's a HUGE question to ask someone. And if they are a good person, it is difficult to answer. LOVE is something you feel, and when you do, you say it. I think many people get blindsided by the question, you stir up their fears and get them all worried. You actually bring doubts into THEIR HEAD and make them ask questions they may not have asked.

LET THEM SAY IT TO YOU, try not to ask. Especially over and over again. It's boring.

And in your sitiation, STOP TALKING TO HER. You can't lose what you don't have. And you don't have her anymore. Beging MOVING FORWARD and you'll feel much better and she might even want to come back.

--Cali

mckenzie134 · Sep 18, 2007, 05:49 PM

Don't call her Don't do any small talk... DO nothing...

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING...

Disappear you owe her nothing... wait it out she will be back when she's ready...

KingofKings102 · Sep 19, 2007, 12:56 PM

All right so I haven't made contact now in just about 24 hours.
Her friend talked to me because I was asking her friend to find out things for me, about what she thinks. In her opinion right now, she thinks she loves this new kid. She said me and her were "done" to her friends. I'm trying my best to move on and talk to other people in the meantime. When I talked to her she told me a completely different story, saying that she didn't know what was going to happen. I'm a little scared that if I don't make any contact what so ever that we'll just drift apart. Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone think that after a little while she may contact me again?

ilovcali · Sep 19, 2007, 01:14 PM

Like I said dude, you can't lose what you don't have. You don't have her anymore. You SHOULD drift apart from this girl. SHE'S DATING SOMEONE ELSE!

You should be pissed, not pining. Also, you applied WAY TOO much pressure on this girl with constantly nagging her about "do you love or not". And seriously, DON'T get her friends involved. THEY ARE HER FRIENDS. They are ON HER SIDE. You'll make it worse for yourself.

LEAVE HER ALONE. Let her go. Forget drifting apart, YOU SHOULD RUN from this girl. She has NO RESPECT for you.

Start MOVING FORWARD as quickly as possible.

--Cali

KingofKings102 · Sep 19, 2007, 01:20 PM

Yeah I'm trying to kind of drift... but EVERYTHING in my life had to do with her
Everything is a constant reminder. Also, with her friends, I didn't ASK them to talk to her, because her friend is my friend as well.
The thing that strikes me is that this happened last year as well, but it wasn't after almost a year, it was after a week. After that week she went out with another guy again, I talked to her for a bit until early October, after that I stopped and I didn't talk to her until late November. Then I found out she was single again and we talked and we went back out. It also seems like the same situation because people were telling me that she was saying we were permanently done and stuff. Last year I even started talking to other girls, and she got really jealous. This year the only reason it seems different is because we were closer.

But I AM doing the right thing by not contacting her at all right? If she calls I'll probably answer because she would only call if it was important.

GlindaofOz · Sep 19, 2007, 01:22 PM

Yes you are without a doubt doing the right thing by going no contact

And NO if she calls its not going to be important. Its going to be her seeing if she still has you on her line. Don't take the bait man its not worth it.

KingofKings102 · Sep 19, 2007, 01:25 PM

But she also still has some of my things at her house. She DID want to drop them off, but I don't really want her to right now.

So I SHOULD NOT answer if she calls? Anything else I should do, because in reality I DO want her back, and in time I'm hoping that she may realize what she's lost

ilovcali · Sep 19, 2007, 01:26 PM

YES, NO CALLS, NO EMAILS, NO TEXTS. I wouldn't even pick up if she called. Let her new boyfriend deal with her massive issues. You MOVE ON.

And if she's done this to you before, I think you SHOULD LET HER GO FOREVER. She just sounds like a head case.

And there are MANY, MANY, MANY, girls out there. Not all of them will do this to you. Care for the ones that DON'T DO THIS. And AVOID the ones like your EX as if they were the plague.

And as for you things at her place, have your mutual friend pick them up and bring them to you. FORGET ABOUT THIS EX.

Good luck.

--Cali

KingofKings102 · Sep 19, 2007, 01:30 PM

Well about the head-case thing.. she does have mental problems..

She suffers from bi-polarity, and she was border line anorexic once. She's been in a mental institution once for "self mutilation"
I may be bi-polar but it's unknown. I was the only person that she ever went out with that was aware of her entire past basically, and yeah it did scare me at first, but then I realized I still loved her.
So I'm going to do the NC thing... no Calls, No emails, No Texts, no NOTHING.
In an estimate how long should I wait, as I started giving her the space she so desired today basically.

GlindaofOz · Sep 19, 2007, 01:34 PM

My opinion is to stay no contact for 90 days THEN see where you are at and how you feel.

Chances are by 90 days you really don't want much to do with that other person. Think of NC as detox and your ex as your drug. You can't take drugs while you're in detox right?

KingofKings102 · Sep 19, 2007, 01:38 PM

Good example. So 90 days... basically 3 months, so basically November again
Seems hard, but I'm going to try

If she does call, like frantically then something must be wrong. I have this feeling in my gut that she'd only call frantically if he hurt her in someway, and I've never even hit her. I'm not the type to hit a girl.
I won't answer after, 1-3 calls, but after 4-5 then I will.

Anymore tips?

GlindaofOz · Sep 19, 2007, 01:47 PM

Just be strong.

Its hard. Going NC is like going through withdrawal. You will have days where you will feel great and then something will set you WAAAY back. Just remember to keep getting up and moving forward. Stay busy and take time to take care of yourself and do what you want to do. You are the most important person right now not her not anyone else. Take this time to be really selfish.

I also have to add that even if she does call frantically don't pick up. She is not your concern anymore. You have to recognize that. If he hits her she can call the police they are trained to handle that situation more then you. All she will try to do is suck you back into her drama and her problems. You should be trying to shake free of her grip on you not put it back on tighter. I know it seems cold to say something like that but it is the truth. She has made her decision. In my opinion someone either wants all of you or they get none. When she decided to end the relationship she put herself in the position to not have you anymore.

KingofKings102 · Sep 19, 2007, 01:50 PM

Yeah
As much as I'd love to be her knight in shining armor if he hit her, AGAIN... I'm going to have to stay away
I can wait 90 days... my skin has been torn with barbwire and it didn't hurt as much as this does... but I'm going to do what I can.
I'm just HOPING that she doesn't try to come over and drop my stuff off, because that would really set me back, I want to stay far away right now.

GlindaofOz · Sep 19, 2007, 01:53 PM

If she comes over don't answer the door. She could always leave it on the front step or mail it back to you. There are other ways. If you can't see her then don't. The choice is yours. Too often when we break up we want so bad to keep some small piece of that person that we will beg for scraps of attention or keep them happy when what really needs to be done is to shut that person down. Its about putting yourself in survival mode and just taking care of you.

KingofKings102 · Sep 19, 2007, 02:27 PM

It's hard... really hard..
I wish I was still with her right now, but unfortunately.. we aren't
So 90 days... what if something happens in between, such as she breaks up with him because she realizes what she's lost in me, not saying it will happen, but if it does.. then what do I do?

Ash123 · Sep 19, 2007, 02:32 PM

dude,

NADA. ZIPPO. it's in her court....not yours.
If she contacts you in less than 90 days with a super great reason - breakup etc.
Be polite, and listen... but you don't have to say or do anything... and don't until
It has been a couple months... don't be so easy man.

she dumped you for another guy.....remember.

SORRY... it sux but would suck worse if you do ANYTHING

talaniman · Sep 19, 2007, 02:45 PM

I'm a little scared that if I don't make any contact what so ever that we'll just drift apart. Am I doing the right thing? Does anyone think that after a little while she may contact me again?

She cannot drift further than she is now. Any drama in her life is her business to deal with and your only concern is to leave her life alone, and focus on yours.