How do I get him?

stargazer10 · Jun 9, 2007, 07:22 PM

I like this guy at work and I want to hang out with him outside of work (maybe even as a date), but I really don't want to wait around for him to ask me because he may never do it. Here's the thing though. I don't know if he is single or taken. How do I go about asking it without it looking like I'm trying to figure out if I can have him? And if he doesn't have a girlfriend, how do I ask him out? I am not used to the whole girl asking guy out thing, I usually wait for the guy to ask me, but I feel like I lose so many opportunities by waiting and want to just come right out and ask a guy out. I'm really shy so this isn't easy for me and I have no idea what to do.

jillianleab · Jun 9, 2007, 09:09 PM

You didn't say what sort of work environment you are in, but could you invite him to lunch, or to coffee? Maybe offer to get a bunch of people in the office coffee and see if he will help carry. Invite a group to lunch and include him, if possible. Or, if you notice him in the breakroom, take a break at the same time and strike up a conversation. It might take a few conversations to ask if he's seeing anyone, but you will get there. Or, once you start talking to him you might realize he's not so great! :)

grammadidi · Jun 9, 2007, 09:35 PM

Isn't there anyone at work you could ask about this guy? He must go to lunch or coffee with someone from time to time. Ask them if he's 'involved' with anyone. They might even pass the word on that you were asking about him. I remember one time that I thought I'd like to know a guy from work better (a loooong time ago!) and I asked if I could borrow his jacket because I found the air conditioning too cold one day. When I gave it back, I said, "Oh, no! I hope your wife won't think you are fooling around if she smells my perfume on your jacket!" I found out he was married without him even knowing I was interested so saved face! (If the place is perfume free you could substitute "finds any of my hair" for "smells my perfume".)

Otherwise, I'd say just take a chance and tell him you'd love to go for coffee sometime if he isn't seeing anyone, of course. He'll be flattered at the very least.

Good luck!

Didi

FrOsT_bItE · Jun 9, 2007, 10:02 PM

Arrange for a meeting together. Can be in a group and then talk to him when he's not in a conversation with anyone, or talk to him alone. Either way just take things slow at first, this guy that your interested in may turn out to be a real jerk.

stargazer10 · Jun 10, 2007, 06:53 AM

I am a server at a restaurant and he is a host... the coffee ideas are great, but they don't really work for my job. We don't leave the restaurant until our shift is over.

nis66 · Jun 10, 2007, 07:30 AM

STARGAZER. It looks like you and me are in the same boat. It's a guy for you and it's a girl for me.

grammadidi · Jun 10, 2007, 10:51 AM

Well, then, this is a little easier! Why don't you ask him if his wife minds the hours he puts in? If he says he isn't married then you can say, "Oh, sorry! How about your girlfriend? What kind of work does she do?" That will open the door. You can follow it up (or even start it) by saying something like "Glad I'm not married (or in a steady relationship). I don't know if a husband would be tolerant of these hours."

If you are uncomfortable with that, why not walk out around the same time as him and say, "I think I'll go unwind for a bit at xxxxxx. Want to come along?" If he comes, you can ask if he's involved with someone in the conversation.

Good luck!

Oh, and maybe you should find out where niss66 works. Maybe it's the same place! :)

Didi

nis66 · Jun 10, 2007, 11:09 AM

Hi Grammadidi. Well, she said restaurant, but my profession is different. I go to the cafeteria at work and the girl works here... :) She is yet not my girlfriend, but would love to...

Hope this helps! I have already asked her out... she said "I don't know" maybe due to our companies policies. So, she was trying to be careful. But, I am going to ask her out again this week or next week and I just wanted to give her sometime. I have entered more details about my problem in another location in this forums. You could check it out. Here is the Subject?

Should I ask her out again?

stargazer10 · Jun 10, 2007, 11:59 AM

Your ideas are great if we were an older crowd. I do not think he is married. He is 20 and I am 18. I'm thinking about trying to get a bunch of people to go bowling because I love to bowl and I haven't in awhile so maybe that will work. I HOPE HE LIKES TO BOWL! ;)

kristynn · Jun 10, 2007, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by nis66

Should I ask her out again?

YES, you should!

Don't give up so easily on what you really want.

kristynn · Jun 10, 2007, 02:06 PM

This is Carrot, right? He's the one who's 20. :p
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ose-99775.html
I initially suggested to go for Gospel, but it seems like you're too much into Carrot.

If you feel like he would never ask you out, you're probably right. In your place, I wouldn't do anything (unfortunately!) but this would be the WORST thing to do! So, do something...

What about casually talking to him one day and then ask him to go for a walk or something? I mean, a walk is not a big deal and after all, it's just a walk. But it would give you the chance to see him outside of work and talk to him on a different level.
If you can't ask him directly if he wants to go for a walk, then you have to come up with something else. For instance, you talk about what he did last week-end and bla, bla, bla and then he asks what did you do. Then, just say you went to a really cool place and make him interested as to find out more about that place, but don't tell him what that place is just yet. You sound funny, so you shouldn't have problems getting the message across, if you see what I mean. So, keep on being funny and playful and... smile. All of a sudden, he'll seem interested and then all of a sudden you have to go back to work, so just leave him wondering.. or ask him if he would want to go with you someday, maybe next Saturday at 5 PM cause you're free then. And tell him, "I'm sure you'd like it!" :p

Now, figure out what that "cool place" could be. Sorry, I have no idea right now... Don't make it a big deal though.

Let me know if this helps. Otherwise, we can figure out something else! More interesting... :p And if ever it turns out that he's taken, you can always be friends. After all, you still have Gospel... :) (just kidding!)

huno · Jun 10, 2007, 05:47 PM

I'm sitting in my room right now, on the 2nd story of this house, and I look out the sliding door that leads to the balcony outside. On the balcony is a very small bird, and it's hopping around, trying to find food. Finding none, it dives off the balcony's handrail, freefalling towards the cement driveway below. A few feet before it appears the poor bird will be crushed by the fall, it spreads its wings and flaps, gliding safely to the driveway, continuing its quest.

Now, I got to tell you--if I'd been asked to dive off the balcony, even if there were a huge mattress below, I'd have been deathly afraid. But this bird was more than willing to take a nose-dive off a ledge that was easily 50 times its height, because it's something that it does regularly. I imagine a new-born bird wouldn't have been so daring, but this one, having mastered something that nature gave it, does it without any thought.

Think: something that is perfectly natural to a bird scares the living daylights out of me. Isn't that interesting?

No?

Well then how 'bout this: if you don't hit on Carrot today, some other girl will tomorrow. Why? Because for every shy person out there, there are like 10 others who have no problem doing what you're not willing to do because they practice it regularly.

So get over your shyness now and just ask him out. Guys have absolutely no problem with it.

Oh, and if you're not willing to ask him straight out, then at least insinuate that you're interested. Talk to him more often. Make physical contact (touch his shoulder, playfully slap his hand, etc.). Wear scandalously revealing outfits (bonus: gets you more tips from male and lesbian customers).

Girlfriend or no, if he's interested, he'll ask you out. And if he won't, just ask him. This is the 21st century for chrissakes, women should have ruled the earth long ago.

kristynn · Jun 10, 2007, 06:28 PM

Originally Posted by huno

Girlfriend or no, if he's interested, he'll ask you out.

Not sure about this! Although I used to believe it was true... Not anymore.

If they're shy, the more they're interested, the more it's hard to ask.

Even worse, when they are 100% interested and 100% shy, they won't ask at all. :rolleyes:

Agree or disagree...

huno · Jun 10, 2007, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by kristynn

If they're shy, the more they're interested, the more it's hard to ask.

Even worse, when they are 100% interested and 100% shy, they won't ask at all. :rolleyes:

Agree... which is why I do suggest she ask him out at some point. You're right--shy guys take aim, but never pull the trigger, and if they do they fire spitballs instead of bullets.

Now, since stargazer10 flies into a seething rage when every post in her thread isn't advice for her (:)), I'll say this: as a (recovering) shy guy, I would love it if girls took the initiative. Which is why I suggest that you (stargazer) ask him out, or just be very obvious with your hints. Be extra-friendly with him. Laugh at all his jokes, no matter how terrible. And wiggle when you walk.

stargazer10 · Jun 10, 2007, 09:31 PM

Ha ha!! I did not go into a seething rage. LOL! Sorry if it seemed that way. And I guess you are right, I need to take the plunge.

nis66 · Jun 13, 2007, 05:00 PM

Did not get what you said about send some my way the SUBJECT. Well, if you could be more specific I could let you know.

Do you want me to ask you out? I could? :)

kristynn · Jun 13, 2007, 05:59 PM

So, what happened with Stargazer and (1st choice) Carrot? :p

Nothing yet?

Something?

...

kristynn · Jun 13, 2007, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by nis66

Did not get what you said about send some my way the SUBJECT. Well, if you could be more specific I could let you know.

Do you want me to ask you out? I could? :)

That comment was actually for me. :)

stargazer10 · Jun 13, 2007, 08:07 PM

Well nothing yet. I haven't really seen him for awhile (meaning I haven't worked with him for about a week or so). I did see him for about a half hour two days ago, but we just talked (more than usual). So nothing has happened yet. But I'm hoping I get the courage to find out if he has a girlfriend soon. Ha ha! I'm too afraid to ask. But I guess I need to just get it over with.

Mom of 2 · Jun 13, 2007, 09:28 PM

When you talk to him, what do you talk about? You said that you talked to him two days ago, more than usual. Don't tell me that you only talked about the weather!! Talk about movies that you have seen or that you want to see. If there is one that both of you want to see, just say, "Hey, we should go this Wednesday night" (or whatever night you are off on the same day). Your bowling idea sounds like a good one as well.

Here are some other good ideas:

A trip to an amusement park (i.e. Six Flags)
Miniature golf
Go-Karting
Baseball game
Firework display (4th of July is coming up)

All of the above could be done as a group or eventually just the two of you if things go well.

My final thought? Just come out and ask him if he is seeing anyone!! If a guy takes the time to talk with you, then he is at least a little bit interested. Is there any way that you can ask some of the people you work with to see if they happen to know if he has someone? Does he ever have any friends that come in to the restaurant that don't work there? Are any of them girls? Simply put, you will never know anything unless you ask questions.