[Bestsinger101]

I lost my father to cancer when I was 8, then my sister at 19 within 18 months my partner died in a road traffic accident. I believe I had counselling for my fathers death but I have no recollection at all. I have no other siblings and my sister and I were the very best of friends and when she died I was completely numb, as my mother was obviously upset I did a lot of the arranging for the funeral etc and gave a speech at the funeral, but I have never really grieved for any of my losses. I follow after my mother with the old stiff upper lip but it is 15 years on and I just can't seem to move on, in fact I am going backwards and nothing seems to really matter much my whole life is suffering, my memory is the worst of all and I can't seem to remember or focus on anything. Does anyone have any advice?

[Allheart]

Oh Hi Best - I am so sorry for all of those that you have lost. My heart goes out to you.
There is nothing wrong with you at all. It is more than understandable, regardless of the amount of time that has passed, that internally you are still mourning and grieving.

Grieving will wait for you. Meaning, sometimes, during those times, we push aside the sadness and try to "be strong" stiff upper lip and all, but the sadness will wait oh but so long and will knock on our door for us to tend to.

Another words, you have to allow yourself to go through the entire grieving process for all of these losses.

I think the best way to do this, is too have a professional help you. I say that because you have suffered great losses, and it may take a professional to peal the layers back.

Best, the sooner you allow yourself to go through this process, the sooner that you can get to brighter days that truly are waiting for you.

If you are more comfortable with a religious person, by all means seek council from one of the clergy.

But it truly is important for you to cleanse out and acknowledge the fact that you have suffered some serious lossess and just need a helping hand to walk you through the grieving process.

My heart and hopes for a better tomorrow are right with you.

[Bestsinger101]

I thank you Allheart for your kind words.

I actually approached my DR who said I seemed fine and didn't think I needed councilling!

I did feel guilty at feeling so bad in the first place as I worked in Kenya Africa for a year and there they know true hardship, which made me feel almost embarrassed feeling the way I do...

[ordinaryguy]

I actually approached my DR who said I seemed fine and didn't think I needed councilling!

With all due respect to your doctor, he/she may not be the best judge of whether you would benefit from counselling. If you still feel that these major, major losses of your young life are unresolved and ungrieved, you could probably profit from it. Especially since you were so very young when your father died. There's no way an eight year old child could have the maturity and perspective to process that kind of loss without some guidance and compassionate help. Then the loss of your sister and your partner coming in quick succession would have just added to the heavy load you were already carrying. It sounds like your mother was pretty much dysfunctional so you picked up the slack, which is admirable, but it surely left a lot of your own inner feelings of loss unresolved.

I would say try to find a counsellor you can trust and feel some connection with and try it for at least six months. I think you'll be surprised how much it can help just to be listened to with understanding, kindness and compassion.