[karnak]

Is it possible for a woman to suddenly end a happy, caring, satisfying relationship with a man due to work/study/family stress?

If so, could the woman in question decide to return when things are settled and more calm?

Thanks for reading this. Please give me some answers.

[Wildcat21]

I am guy, but... absolutely...

It's called SPACE!

All I can say is if you create this - he may not come back.

This has to be something more? Your guy must need a lot of attention - is he needy/clingy? Needs too much attention? Calls too much?

[karnak]

Er... I'm a man :)

This is what happened. My girlfriend broke up with me a couple of months ago. At the time she seemed very disturbed and depressed, due to job, university and family issues.

We met some days ago. There's no new man in her life. She said she likes me but she "can't give me what I want". She doesn't want us to be friends. I sent her a couple books and some DVDs by mail so she could enjoy herself. She asked me to stop sending her stuff and stop contacting her, because that's making her feel pressured and confused. She told me she's very afraid of the future and things like that.

She seemed very disturbed and confused during our conversation. Other people who know her, claim that she looks disturbed. She was crying while talking to me.

I love this woman very much and I only want what's best for her. She does seem very disturbed. I feel she still loves me, but there's something bothering her.

Anyone got any clues? :confused:

Sorry for the mistake Wildcat21, and thanks for the help.

[Wildcat21]

Sorry about that.

You need to give her some space. No more gifts. You did something to pressure her too much. Did you become a whipped wuss boy?

Again:

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

I advise going to these sites:

www.lovetactics.com - read all the free articles

www.doubleyourdating.com - This guy is THE best!! David Deangelo

www.askmen.com - READ ALL the dating articles

www.relationships.blog-city.com - very serious deep info

LEARN about attraction - what causes woman to like some one and be friends with someone else.

Did you come on too strong?? Call all the time - Wuss Boy behavior. LEARN about 'Nice guys' and why they are big turn off!

Learn about relationships now. Get this part of your life in order now.

Heartache is avoidable IF you understand how dating/relationships work.

[karnak]

I paid special attention to all the details of the relationship. And, most importantly: I was not a wuss. We had a very mature and honest relationship. Both of us had their space and place to work on the relationship.

Trouble is: she decided to end it, abruptly. No signs of disappointment, boredom, etc. Only her problems with her family and stress about not getting a job (she managed to find one, though).

I never knew what happened. I wondered if she had fallen in love with another man or something like that. None whatsoever.

She's single, she's working, she's finishing her post-graduation. But she's not happy. She's confused.

I've always tried to help her in her life. I love and respect her very much.

She doesn't want me as a friend (in my opinion, if she didn't felt something she'd try at least to "be friends" with me) ans she's asked me not to contac her. I'll stop all contact for 4 months. Then I'll see how things go.

Any more advice anyone?

[karnak]

Oh... one final note:

We lived together for several months. Unfortunately, during the last four months, we had to maintain a Long Distance Relationship. But we spent weekends together, every few weeks.

But the LDR thing was about to end as I was going to move closer to her again. Suddenly she ended it.

Thanks for all the insight you can give me.

[Wildcat21]

LDR are very hard. I tried it.

ALL you can do is give her space. You seem to be a head of the game right now in understanding relationships.

IF you can wait 4 months - MORE power to you. IT could be an ultimate test. Don't call!!

IF you don't call you may hear from her before you know it.

KEEP BUSY. Workout, work, school, friends, family. I advise also giving other woman a chance. Casual date.

[karnak]

Thanks again for all the help, Wildcat21.

I really love this woman very much. And my instinct tells me she loves me.

But I must respect her wishes. No contact until mid-September (phone, gifts, etc). Then I shall see.

Despite all the horrible things we're used to see in this world, I still believe that "Amor Vincit Omnia" (Love Conquers All).

Thanks. All the best to you all.

[Wildcat21]

I REALLY do as well.

That's why I DID NOT say forget about her - move on. I don't agree with that IF you were close and love this woman.

I am NOT a religious guy, BUT there is a verse from the bible...

When some followers were asked WHY the loved Jesus... "Because he loved us first"

There is a lot you can do to slowly get back into her life - first is NO CONTACT - make her miss you.

This period is called "A strategic withdrawl"

I ask almost ALL my married friends if at one point duyring their courting/relationship - were they ever broken up at one point. 99% always say YES! And when they returned - the bonds were stronger.

This is all timing - wait it out - Staying power is key. You are in the bunker right now waiting this out.

[BattleAngel14745]

Message deleted

[Wildcat21]

Battle - why don't you help him out?

Ladies perspective.

[lickemlolly]

Heh it sounds like you were smothering your girl... let me tell you if a woman is stressed the more you force a relationship or love or affection or try to get them to open up the angrier and more distant they will become... the best idea is to give her space... I know it is hard but that is what she needs... if you really love someone you'll let them go and if they come back its forever just remember that...

[Wildcat21]

YES!! Thank you lickemlolly!!

Woman hate this!! Smothering.

Guys, guys, guys - no pressure. Don't call all the time.

IF you act too anxious to make a relationship work, even if the other person initially seemed to be the one who wanted it, they will become turned off and start looking for the exits. Next time you decide you really want somebody, play your cards close to your chest. Don’t let on how excited you’ve become. Slowly over many months of time you can eventually show more commitment on your part, but do so incrementally, remaining alert to equal signs of commitment back. If at any point your devotion is more than an equal share, back off and give the other person a chance to catch up before proceeding further.

It is their perception, rightly or wrongly, that someone nice must be desperately needy. The neediness or dependent characteristics exhibited by a person are actually what is repulsive.

EARLY ON, AND GUYS MAKE THIS MISTAKE ALL THE TIME, YOU ARE ONLY DATING!! OK? SHE MIGHT BE SEEING OTHER GUYS FOR THE FIRT COUPLE MONTHS EVEN(OH NO!! -not a big deal) - who cares?? It take 3 or more like 6 months or more to exclusive. Too many guys rush into it - it's a marathon - not a sprint. Take your time - do other tings - date other girls.

DON'T call!!

[Debra Jill]

From a Ladie's points of view...

It has been my experience that if a woman leaves a guy, and if there is any hope in her changing her mind about returning to the relationship, it'll be within about a 2 week period following the split. The longer she has been away from you and giving no indication that she's missing you, the more likely it is that she's satisifed with her decision.

You said you only want what is best for her, right? Do you really mean that? If so, you'll have to deal with your broken heart and back off - as blunt as that may seem. Don't get me wrong, I think it was a sweet gesture to send her the DVD's and books - if she was sitting on the fence regarding whether she should give your relationship a second chance, that would have been the ideal opportunity for her to pick up the phone and call, so bravo for your efforts, there was a chance it could have worked in your favour.

She's told you where she stands and as unfair as it may be, you may never know why she broke off the relationship, only that SHE DID and you'll just have to focus on other things in your life that might help fill some of the emptiness you are feeling. Whether it be sports, calling up an old buddy, taking on a new project, whatever it takles. And, if you run into any of her friend's, DON'T EVEN MENTION HER NAME, it'll inevitably get back to her and at the very least, make her curious about the changes in you.

Sometimes love just sucks.
And that, dear sir, is a Ladie's opinion.

[Wildcat21]

That's pretty darn good advice. YOU HAVE TO GIVE A WOMAN SPACE - especially when you go out with them. Smothering will kill - and most guys smother.

I have seen woman come back after 3 months - happened to me - BUT, I went on with my life - as hard as it was (it was impossible! - it sucked!).

She said she wondered why I didn't call and grovel. Or didn't return her calls.

She kept thinking about me, more and more - and then she fell in love one day. 3 months later I called on a Sunday evening. She said the minute she heard my voice - all these happy thoughts came back and was in love.

BUT, I also improved myself - got in great shape (worked out 2 hours a day), learned A LOT MORE about relationships - a ton more, learned MORE about woman and how to communicate, dated, traveled, worked harder at work. In the beginning I went out did stuff every night - did NOT sit at home.

She slowly heard about me and how 'happy' I was etc.

The last thing you want to do is call and beg and plead.

Do something different - be unpredictable.

[Debra Jill]

Wildcat21 you taught me something new today - that even after 3 months things CAN change - your advice about working out, taking charge of your life and ultimately being the one to say "bye, bye" made me chuckle.

Karnak, learn from all this advice and put it to good use. I'm confident you'll end up with a nice girl who will make you realize that your ex was just a stepping stone to your happiness.

[Wildcat21]

I've seen 1 full year. A friend of mine waited 1 year to the day to call a woman. She had broken up with him after a great relationship - good terms on the break. She needed time/space thing - work etc. trust

The minute she heard his voice. Everything changed. She realized he really did love her. They are married now.

[lickemlolly]

Again this goes back to if you really love someone you'll let them go and if they come back its forever

[lvr_lee]

OK, how about this one: I fit the nice guy mold to a T, and whatever I do, can’t shake it: respectful, courteous, give my seat to old ladies, etc. I do walk straight, I don't pick my nose or scratch my privs. I know ladies want someone bordering cockiness, but I’ve still no idea how to pull that off without her castrating me. My friend treats his girlfriends like s***, and still has to beat them off with a stick. I do not act overly excited or clingy, but by now, she knows how I feel. I’m not long winded. I do listen to her, ask questions and I'm genuinely interested, but she still seems to get bored, whether I’m trying to mac her or talk to her as a friend. I notice my female friends are laughing their guts up talking to other guys, but I keep running out of stuff to say. It’s like there’s still some other element I haven’t taken into account. It’s strange, but the ones that are already taken seem to come up and chat with me no problem. Suggestions as to why I'm still missing the boat?

[Wildcat21]

You need to learn about woman dude. You're one of the jokers who puts woman on a pedestal AND THEY hate that!! Hate it.

Go to this site and BUY David Deangelos book - it's the real deal:

www.doubleyourdating.com

Read EVERY article on dating at:

www.askmen.com - every freaking article

Also: www.sosuave.com

ALSO: learn about 'Nice Guys' and WHY it's not a good idea:

www.relationships.blog-city.com