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trueBlue · Jun 6, 2007, 02:40 PM

I have been dating my boyfriend over a year. He is the greatest guy I have ever dated, but he is a pilot and is gone 4 days a week. Even though he calls me a lot and tries to make me feel comfortable with his job, I still find myself sad a lot when he is gone. I am 25, he is 30, and I don't know if I should stay in the relationship because I think if we were to get married I would end up working harder than him, and resenting him. It is also hard because I never know who he is with or the hotels he is at. I'm worried our relationship is more likely to fail because of his job. I don't want to stay with him another 2 or 3 years only to end up in a break-up. I wanted to know if anyone has any advice or personal experience with this?

danielnoahsmommy · Jun 6, 2007, 03:06 PM

I had a friend who was a private piolet. He was gone days and weeks sometimes. You know now what his job is about. It is your decision if you can handle it.

shygrneyzs · Jun 6, 2007, 04:04 PM

My oldest son's girlfriend - her Father is an airline pilot, has been for almost 30 years. Her Mother knew, her Mom met him while he was an Air Force pilot. He is gone many days in a row and she is raising the children. Now as far as how hard one works versus the other, each one works hard. But if you think you are going to resent him in the future, then stop seeing him now, as you already have this built-in idea in your head. You would be looking for things to get upset about, to feel resentful about. I am not saying that to be mean, but just to be truthful. Any doubts now should be taken care of before you make any big decision to go forward. You must have some trust issues if you wonder where he is staying and what he is doing. Yes, that is natural, but you really need to trust him. Not every pilot is out there sleeping with other women. Don't borrow trouble.

What is your career? I hope you are busy and satisfied in your work. One thing you said, that you feel sad when he is gone. That is normal too, but don't place the foundation of your happiness on him. I am saying that only because when you look to someone else as the source of your happiness, then you surely do set yourself up for sadness. You have to be secure and confident in your own self. Your happiness is only dependent on you. You are responsible for your happiness, not someone else.

So the decision is really yours. Some deep soul searching and then think hard about where you want your life to be in the next year, in the next five years, and so on.

Take care.

trueBlue · Jun 6, 2007, 04:31 PM

Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it. I am a teacher, and moved away from home, out of state, for my job. I met my boyfriend a few weeks after I moved. I have self-esteem issues, but the idea of letting him go makes me sick. We have very compatible personalities, we laugh, we are honest with each other, and very much in love. I do have trust issues, I think. Its hard to let him go because he is my perfect man (personality wise). If you have time maybe you could read my post in mental health. Thanks

J_9 · Jun 6, 2007, 05:01 PM

My sister is married to an airline pilot. They have NO problems whatsoever. The trick, according to her, is to be secure in your love of your partner, secure in your relationship. This trick works for all relationships, not just with pilots.

You also must be secure with yourself, exude self-confidence, if you have esteem problems that may be a little difficult for you, but not impossible.

Yes, he may be gone for a number of days, but it is all in the fact that he comes home to you. Maybe consider that he may feel the same about you while he is gone?

MissGee · Jun 13, 2007, 07:06 AM

Originally Posted by trueBlue

I have been dating my boyfriend over a year. He is the greatest guy I have ever dated, but he is a pilot and is gone 4 days a week. Even though he calls me a lot and tries to make me feel comfortable with his job, I still find myself sad a lot when he is gone. I am 25, he is 30, and I dont know if I should stay in the relationship because I think if we were to get married i would end up working harder than him, and resenting him. It is also hard because I never know who he is with or the hotels he is at. I'm worried our relationship is more likely to fail becasue of his job. I don't want to stay with him another 2 or 3 years only to end up in a break-up. I wanted to know if anyone has any advice or personal experience with this?

Hi There,
I recently married a pilot and we are very happy. He is away a lot and gets to travel to amazing places, I get him to take photos so I can see if I want to go there with him on holiday in the future.

The key is to really talk and trust one another. Remember it maybe daunting for you with him travelling here there and everywhere, but he also needs to trust you too:-)

Also, when he's away catch up with your girlfriends and fill up your life with fun stuff and the time flies, then you have loads of things to talk about when he's back again.

excon · Jun 13, 2007, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by trueBlue

I never know who he is with

Hello true:

You don't trust him. You said it here and you said it again. THAT'S the reason you're having problems. That and only that. It has nothing at all to do with his job.

What?? You're going to trust him when he's in town?? Who are you kiddin?? Trust is a personal issue - not a geographical one. Fix that, and the rest is high flying.

excon

jaimey3 · Jan 1, 2008, 09:34 AM

Originally Posted by trueBlue

Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it. I am a teacher, and moved away from home, out of state, for my job. I met my boyfriend a few weeks after I moved. I have self-esteem issues, but the idea of letting him go makes me sick. We have very compatible personalities, we laugh, we are honest with eachother, and very much in love. I do have trust issues, I think. Its hard to let him go because he is my perfect man (personality wise). If you have time maybe you could read my post in mental health. thanks

I know exactly how you feel. I am also a teacher and I am currently engaged to an airline pilot. I feel like things go pretty well when I am working. Do you feel the same? But when I have breaks, I find myself really missing him and not knowing what to do with myself. It's almost like your life is based on his schedule, does that sound familiar? Its hard to be with someone that has this profession. Sometimes I think of joining support groups for spouses that are married to airline pilots.

Altitude · May 12, 2008, 07:55 AM

Hi there - I thought you might like to take a look at this - it's my blog...

Marriage with altitude

I'm a British woman married to a long-haul pilot. And it's not as hard as you think - although we all have down days, of course...

liz28 · May 12, 2008, 08:11 AM

I read your others question and it seems you need to work on yourself Maybe even a little counseling might help especially to deal with your issues from your past and then only would you be able to trust your partner, and if you don't this problem will occur in all your future relationship.

Best wishes, and keep in mind good men are hard to find and if you don't resolve your own issues you might loose him.

Super Allie · May 24, 2008, 04:58 PM

I don't know anyone, but have my eyes on a pilot if ever I come across one, as I hear their girlfriends travel free.

Free trips to Spain me tinks ;)

GoldenMiner · Jun 23, 2008, 06:14 PM

I am dating a pilot and it is hard. The time away is the hardest. I totally trust him and love him. I have been dating him for almost 4 years now and so in this time a lot has changed. When we first started dating he wasn't a pilot so hanging out and doing things together was a lot easier and now he is gone for days at a time. I totally get sad when he is gone for long periods but he is so happy. He calls every time he touches down and he is very devoted. I understand the trust issue also. His pilot buddies cheat but he always keeps his nose out of trouble. I think if you love him give it a chance. If you take no risk you don't know what you are missing. And contrary to your belief most are devoted and devastated when their girlfriend/wife leaves. We are now talking about marriage and children so be careful of what you want. Be very honest and upfront about your expectations, wants and desires. My boyfriend is very honest and tries to spend most of his freetime with me, but he is often exhausted. I am here because I chose to be here and love him. I think that anything that comes up can be worked out. If you do get lonely easily live close to family and friends they will be your most valuable resource and strength. It will be difficult but being here has been some of my best and some of my worse times - yet I still wouldn't change it for the world. Good Luck!

ms williams · Jul 17, 2008, 02:12 AM

My dad was an airline pilot. Gone a week and home a few days. My mom just dealt with it. She had the three of us to keep her busy. Sure she felt alone at times but this was their life. They seem to have a great marriage. They just had their 45th anniversary. Now he is retired and him being home all the time is making my mom nuts. Now they are trying to adjust to being together. Its kind of funny.
It really just depends on what you are willing to put up with. If you are needy and want a companion, some one that is gone a lot might not be the best guy for you.

N0help4u · Jul 17, 2008, 05:43 AM

A year later I hope she has made her decision if she can cope with her insecurities or not by now.

brazilia · Jul 28, 2008, 03:25 AM

Originally Posted by trueBlue

I have been dating my boyfriend over a year. He is the greatest guy I have ever dated, but he is a pilot and is gone 4 days a week. Even though he calls me a lot and tries to make me feel comfortable with his job, I still find myself sad a lot when he is gone. I am 25, he is 30, and I dont know if I should stay in the relationship because I think if we were to get married i would end up working harder than him, and resenting him. It is also hard because I never know who he is with or the hotels he is at. I'm worried our relationship is more likely to fail becasue of his job. I don't want to stay with him another 2 or 3 years only to end up in a break-up. I wanted to know if anyone has any advice or personal experience with this?

4 days out of the week that's nothing... try being a military wife or girlfriend.. where he would be gone 1 to 2 years, before you complain you should think about how hard others have its obvious you need much attention.you should let him go before you break his heart.and why would you find yourself working harder if he is making all the money? Not that money can make you happy,but I didn't understand as far as "working harder" what you meant

lovemypilot · Apr 1, 2009, 08:25 PM

I know this is an old post, but I just found it. I'm dating a pilot and couldn't be happier! It's hard when he's away, but it's just something you get used to.

If anyone is interested... check out this site:

Love My Pilot

wolfgangschwarz · Apr 2, 2011, 08:20 PM

Hello I'm a pilot with a wife and 2 sets of twins. They are what makes my job worth doing, I love to come home from 4 to 5 days away to see them. It's the trust issue here I trust my life and always will do, if you don't trust your partner then it won't work. My life is perfect at the moment and I hope nothing goes wrong. I fly for lufthansa as a captain and I fly to New York a lot and it does get hard but I always have a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet and picture frames of them in my suitcase so when I stay at hotels I can think there with me. I really hope you get it sorted :)

Best of luck Flugkapitan Wolfgang Schwarzstein.