[tina78]

Hi

a while back I posted a question on how to get over my ex boyfriend, it has been 3 months since we stopped seeing each other, since then I did try and send random texts for which I didn't get a reply. I got a missed call once but never called back. Since, I let it be and stopped altogether. Now a couple of weeks ago he got in touch, I waited 2 days before I replied, we got text chatting and eventually got talking, we still flirt and its obvious we still like each other. The weirdest thing is he hasn't asked to meet me and isn't acting like he wants 1 thing either, though he admits he still fancies me. If I send texts he does usually get back to me and is making a little more effort. He knows from previously that I'm looking for something serious n not just a bit of fun. Can't understand why he bothered to do this? He hasn't changed his thoughts on comittment though would like him to.. iv been acting flirty, cool and happy since he got in contact and he knows I still like him. Its his birthday on the weekend and don't know if I should tx?? I want him to chase me but I feel in the last few days this week I have been making more of an effort than him. I want him to wonder about me if I don't get in touch, I don't want to be predictable as he must be expecting some kind of communication from me. Shall I leave it altogether? Will this make him want me more? If I tx him on birthday he will know I think of him and could put him off me? I want to play it right as I want him to want me back and I want to be the one who does the choosing considering it was his fault we broke up i.e committement issues... he turns 30!! Please help...

[talaniman]

Good grief, leave him alone and move on. Your contacting him only keeps you hoping and his actions speak louder than his words. Do some real No Contact and leave him completely alone.

[Skell]

Yes it is time to listen to Tals advice and leave him alone. You need to move on and focus on yourself for a while. You need to let him be!

[mckenzie134]

These other two answers are correct. But they tell you to move on and I know your not going to listen to tal and skell!!

So this is what you want, you want to get him back. Don't move on! Well at the moment you can't cause you still want him so its too hard.

If you are too have any hope ABSOLUTELY any remote chance with this guy you must not contact him NOT!!

You said inyour post you want him to be the one who comes after you and then you talk about texting him for his birthday HOW THE HELL IS THAT GETTING HIM TO CHASE YOU!!

If you are serious and want to give yourself every chance which may not get the result you sre looking for you MUST wait it out and over the next monnth see if he texts or rings you. If he does you may be a chance.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES that will just show him that you want I'm...

I know its hard to do but you have nothing to lose and if you contact him well think about this

What are you going to say?? Hi you want to get together... that would be stupid

So really you cannot contact cause there would be no point because whatever you say will not help your cause.

If he misses you he will be back!! Once he realises the mistake he made and what he has lost. That's when you turn the tables.. Let us know of any updatessss...

[Pook_Myster]

I believe in a little thing called 'Fate'. If something is meant to be, then it will be - and if not, then nothing that we do can change the outcome. No amount of tears, texts or missed-phone calls will change what has already been decided in his head. To attempt to change the course of the situation you are only causing yourself more hurt, with every text message that doesn't get a reply, with every phone call that doesn't end in 'Lets try again' - you are only hurting yourself, and ultimately, that is your decision, and your fault.

What I would suggest is that you focus your energy and your emotion on yourself. Why do you feel so needy of this relationship that obviously never gave you what you wanted in it's existence? Take some time to find youreself and what you want for yourself, what you want from a partner and a relationship. Think about what is important to you and don't settle for less - in 20 years time when you are still clinging to a relationship that does not reward you, you will be sad, lonely, and possibly too old to do anything about it - a life wasted.

Further contact - you will look back and blush with embarrassment. Walk away with your head held high believing that you have learnt from the experience but deserve more in the future.

Keep yourself busy too. You don't have to take my advise, but I guarantee you that I have been where you are, it's aweful and you feel lonely, ugly and sad. Remember to turn every negative into a positive and have faith in who you are. Things are always worse of a night time as I remember too - the sun will come up tomorrow and the day will present many new opportunities that you should embrace.

[diya]

Reading these kind of posts makes me wonder why do we become so dependent on others? I've bn through this too... and I know what you're going through. Honestly, if he has decided on something, nothing can change his mind for the time being... but all this while, you compose yourself, and refrain from contacting him. I know it's hard, but self control is the name of the game. If he doesn't get back, then he doesn't deserve you anyway, but if he does, then don't bombard him with any questions which will again put him off... stay calm and peaceful.

[emopunk7]

So you all think she may have a chance with him again?

[diya]

She may or may not have a chance with him... but detachment is necessary at this point in time. Sometimes the other party has already moved on, while we keep hoping, they don't even tell us, right? They are the screwed up people... so why think about them while we still have life to live..!

[emopunk7]

My ex told me to move on and to realize she has, yet we hung out 2 days ago and hugged me and cried and said she still thinks about being with me. So how about that then? I would take her back in a flash... What do u say to that diya?

[diya]

Well lot of times we do things in an impulse... nothing more depressing than being away from someone we care about but we need to learn to self control our feelings in order to keep things in check. And for that,we need to go very slow... laugh together, talk about various things, and general but no rushing things. If you want her back and with respect, just be you without exhibiting your emotions too much... things will fall in place.. good luck... be positive always..

[tina78]

Thanks for all your responses. I am refraining from contacting him, its hard but I am doing it and controlling myself... since this post though it has come out in conversation that he still is a commitment phobe, but he also said he doesn't know what he wants... pleaz guys who are reading this, what's that all about!!

We still flirt with each other and he told me he still fancies me, and since this I have said in a roundabout way I'm not looking to be another notch on his bedpost, he knows I'm a decent girl with self respect and I don't want to be in the same line or viewed in the same league as other women he has dated, who put up with just the 'fun' but no relationship lark! If he wants to know properly he will have to make the right moves, otherwise forget it! This is the attitude I have since I chatted to him...