[TGirl]

I'm posting for a friend. Here's what's going on. A lady friend of mine in South Carolina had a child out of wedlock. The boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend of course) didn't want to have anything to do with the child. She got child support papers on the ex-boyfriend from the beginning. The ex-boyfriend to this day has never paid a dime of child support (currently over $30,000 in child support due) and he moved to West Virginia.

The child is now 5 years old and in the past couple of years, he said he wanted to see his child so my lady friend graciously started letting him see his child even though it was a long drive for her (she has family up that way), but he only sees her once a year, if that. He still has not paid any child support. In the past month, he has been talking to her on the phone and telling her that he wants to start seeing his child more instead of just over the weekend or a week at a time. He said he wants to keep the child for around 2 months at a time or so because he says that in West Virginia if he keeps her over 2 weeks they consider that he has custody and he will not have to pay child support and she will have to start paying him child support (that's the kind of man we're talking about here--someone that will use his own child just to get money). The mother does not want to let him do this and has told him that there was no way that she was going to let him take her for that long since he wasn't even been paying child support for his child, of course, this made him angry.

Just this past weekend, she has found out through friends, family, and co-workers that he's been calling around to them asking questions trying to find out where she's at and where she will be. She is afraid that he is going to do something crazy like kidnapp her child because he's the type that would do something like that. He's not a very nice person at all.

She feels as though she is going to have to start moving around so that he won't know where she is in order to protect the child and I just can't see her having to go through all of that. There has got to be some way for her to stay in one place and feel secure. I thought that maybe she could get a restraining order, but she said she has asked the police and they've told her that #1, they can't just serve a restraining order on someone if they haven't done anything yet and #2, even if she could get a restraining order, it wouldn't hold in West Virginia where he is.

I'm so afraid that something is going to happen to the child and I'm vowing to try any and everything to help her out. Is there any advice or anywhere you guys could point me that might help this situation?

Please, anything would be appreciated.

Thanks, T-Girl

[serialwife]

I am social worker in Kentucky so I will tell you what we would advise clients to do in this situation.The state of West Virginia will not consider two weeks with him as him having custody. Your friend will have custody still. If he has the child for more than 2 weeks out of one month then he is considered to have exercised custody of the child for that one month and doesn't have to pay child support that month. Secondly, your friend needs to visit the following websites and fill out the applications. One is WV child support division and the other is SC division. They will lock him up for non support!!

www.state.sc.us/dss/csed
www.wvdhhr.org/bcse

1.) First of is keep a notebook and list every time he calls and the nature of the call. If you have evidence a judge will be more likely to grant an order.
2.) Have your child fingerprinted and videotaped. It makes things easier if someone does have your child to show the tape during the Amber Alert. I think all parents should do this.. you would be amazed how many nuts I see each day.
3.)Get an order of protection: For Stalking and Harassment

How can I get a restraining order against stalking or harassment?

In SC, you can get a protective order against stalking or harassment. You must file in the magistrate's court and allege that the defendant engaged in stalking or harassment. ( Since he is doing this via phone it's your home area)

The protective order against stalking or harassment can order the defendant:

* not to abuse, threaten, or molest you or your family members;
* not to enter or attempt to enter your home, workplace, or other location; and/or
* not to communicate or attempt to communicate with you.

"Harassment" means a pattern of intentional, substantial, and unreasonable intrusion into your private life that causes you and would cause a reasonable person in your position to suffer mental distress. Harassment may include, but is not limited to:

1. following you;
2. visual, physical, verbal, written, or electronic contact that is initiated, maintained, or repeated after you have told the person not to contact you;
3. surveillance of or the maintenance of a presence near your home, workplace, school, or other place you regularly go;
4. vandalism and property damage.

"Stalking" means a pattern of words, conduct, written, or electronic, that is intended to cause and does cause you and would cause a reasonable person in your position to fear:

1. death of you or a family member;
2. assault upon you or a family member;
3. bodily injury to you or a family member;
4. criminal sexual contact you or a family member;
5. kidnapping of tyou or a family member; or
6. damage to your property or property of a family member.

You can read the definition in full on the SC Legal Statutes page and look for Sec. 16-3-1750 et. seq.

Here is the website where I got the info www.womenslaw.org/SC/SC_how_to.htm

If you have an questions post them or email me.