[startover22]

I am a daycare provider for 3 foster boys, the foster parents that they are living with have been demmed unfit. Notheing horrible happened they just are not OK to do this anymore. Since February I have been watching these boys from 9-6:30 pm. They need to be placed in another home. Their mother is in their life and trying very hard to get the boys back. I am NOT wanting the boys to go somewhere and go through all the B.S. again. Mind you when they first got here they were completely out of control and now they are very good. Some issues but not too many. My husband doesn't want to go them to go to another house either. On the other hand there are four of our own children in the home, we will be moving in 3 months to a different house, and there on't be much support from our other family members for keeping them. I am totally confused. (not really) I know I would take them in a heart beat, I am only worried about my own family and how they would take it all. Let me know what you think I have only hours to make a decision.

[NowWhat]

If you and your husband are in agreement - then you should do it. Taking on these boys will show your children an example of extending yourself to help others. It can be very positive for them.
How long would they be with you?

Good Luck no matter what you decide.

[startover22]

That is what we are having trouble finding out. I know we are definitely willing short term, like a month or so but we can't do it long term. I know the kids will learn and so will us adults! Thanks I agree with you.

A few hours later:::::::::::::

OK, it is said and done that the boys will be going to a new home. I am sad and angry, but this will be best in the long run. Thanks, Start

[startover22]

Ok, it is not said and done. The boys are here everyother 24 hours till I get completely certified. Which will be Monday. Then from there we will take it one day at a time to get "mom" in gear.

[shatteredsoul]

I wish there was some magical way to make this better. It really sucks when you love people so much and you have to let them go. Take comfort in knowing that they will be better for their mom because of you. You have taught them so much and will continue to do that long after they leave. Your impression on them for giving them a family and unconditional love, will last a lifetime. I am sorry you have been put in such a difficult situation, I guess God knows you can handle this so you must be very special to be given such an important mission. Again, we deal with loss. It is a sad day for you, and I feel it for you. I am here my friend . YOur pain and sadness goes deep, but our compassion for you will deepen as you need it. Thank God for people like you who take care of all the lost little souls without their mommies and daddies. I think you are amazing.

[startover22]

Thanks Shattered. I am actually happier today because this means freedom from the system "so to speak" their mom will get them back and she will have a bunch of support from now on helping her. So today is actually a happy day. Hugs to you, Start

[NowWhat]

I think that is great. It will be trying at times - making room for 3 little boys that are in a way lost right now. There will be times that you will question your decision. Just know, that what you are doing is so much greater than you will ever know. The lesson you will teach your family about giving, touching these boys lives, etc.
Good Luck and keep us posted.

[shatteredsoul]

I am so glad to hear that, I am relieved in hearing you be more positive with your outlook. I will share in your happiness and that of those boys being with their mama again. I think that is the most wonderful thing of all. Enjoy your day with all the little ones. I will still be thinking of you!

[startover22]

Thanks Shattered. Talk to you a little later! And you have a great day too!

[startover22]

Ok, here I go. The other foster mom, is a wonderful, loving, committed, patient, and honestly the best possible foster mom in the world. She has been handling these kids for over 5 months, appts, doctors, school appts, all of the above she has taken them to all of it! She is totally cool with doing all of that still, as I just want my house to be their safe place. I want their mom and the other foster mom before me to do all of these things. I really don't have the recources to go to all of these things they need. The mom and old foster mom are totally on board with this whole thing, and so am I... the only thing is, is that I will be the one to have to sign papers and so on. Is this OK to do, let them handle it all? I think it is wonderful and want the old foster mom to not think she has just wasted the last 5 or so months, I want her to feel that she has a say as well. What do you think? Honestly, I just want to be the one to make sure they are safe and fed and loved and kissed! All the other junk will be delt with by mom and the old foster mom anyway so I kind of just want to leave all that up to them. Cool? Not cool?

[NowWhat]

Is this just a matter of transportation? If papers need to be signed - have a doctor mail them to you and you can either mail them back or send them with the child on the day of the appointment.
Do you have them with you 24/7 now? What kind of things are we talking about? What types of decisions are we talking about? If it is a scheduling thing - and the other foster mom is going to be taking them - then she should be making the appointments - as she knows her schedule.
But, now that you are their guardian - that is part of the job. So, ultimately the say is yours.

[startover22]

Well they all have a few special needs rights, as to educational programs that they are entitled too. She has been doing these with them from day one, and I trust her to make the right decisions and get them there when need be! I never thought about having them send the papers to me to be sign, maybe I have a cloud in my brain and I am not thinking straight! It is more than transportation, I also have four children of my own and I do the daycare for two other little stinkers. Nothing will change much except that now they will be staying the night instead of leaving at 6 or 6:30 at night. My young ones go to bed at 7 or 7:30 so it really isn't much different around here except for weekends. Today is my certification day so I will be the guardian. I just think that since they will be with their mom soon (6 weeks or less) and Theold foster mom is very close to her and will be the one to help the mom down the road, I thought it would be great to keep things as "normal" as possible because we have a rare circle of support! They know all the routines and they are used to doing it with her, I think it would be appropriate to keep it that way if we can. And thanks you for your quick response and thoughtful words nowwhat! You have been great. I hope you can stay with this thread till I get on your nerves with lot's of questions and doubts!

[NowWhat]

Oh, my nerves are pretty strong - so ask away! :)
You know, if you have that circle and everyone is willing to pitch in and help - then you should take advantage of it. The kids win - and that can't be bad.
I have a question for you..
If the state won't allow these kids to be with the "old" F.M. - are they going to be okay with her spending time with them?
From what I have heard about the fostering laws here in Ohio... only approved people are allowed to spend time with the kids. Like, if you need a babysitter for these guys, they would have to be on a list that the state has approved. I guess they do background checks and all that fun stuff.
So, if it's like that where you live - how will it affect the kids schedule?

[startover22]

It was actually an accident with the foster dad that brought this whole thing about. So that being said when she is with them he is not and they can stay the night there as long as he isn't staying that night. It was a simple and honest mistake that I think should have been looked over with a little less judgement, but I just assume put all that in the past! With that being said, I agree that it will be best for the boys, I even think it will be best for my children too. They still get their time with me and I just really want their mom to get them back and let that get done so we can all move on into the "real" world. So to speak! These guys need to get on with their lives in my opinion. So thanks for being with me through this. I will ask when I need and hopefully you will be around when I do! Thanks again and I am feeling better about her doing those things for us!

[NowWhat]

I honestly believe you can never give a child too much love. So, if they are surrounded by people that love them - all the better.
It is rare these days that kids "in the system" get the true support they need. If you have found something so rare - don't question it for you have been blessed.

[startover22]

That is for sure. You know what, this has made me a much better person and my kids too, it has only been a little less than a week and my kids are bonding so tight with these guys. So tight. We STRONGLY believe in family and everyone one of us has a job in this situation and we all know what it is. They are used to having the boys around for daycare but not as constant as this, I am proud, very proud! I will let you know when they start bickering, hahaha Thanks, Start

[shatteredsoul]

It is amazing how family that is as strong as yours comes together in a time of turbulence and change. Your children adjust so well and bond so closely because of you. YOu are the driving force in that house. YOu have created an atmosphere of love and devotion and aside from the usual bickering kids do, you have an amazing homefront. I am so uplifted by your strength and determination to do the right thing and maintain such a positive attitude when you are obviously going a thousand miles an hour!! Give yourself a little pat on the back today girl! Hugs

[startover22]

You just made me cry, I have been emotional today. I know it is crazy, everything is good, just different. I worry about the boys and I ended up sleeping with mine after everyone else fell asleep! Thanks shattered, you know I love you!

[shatteredsoul]

Girl I didn't mean to make you cry!! I know how you feel, I have been tearing up at the most ridiculous things today. Maybe it is hormones LOL! Well, you have got to be exhausted, which is why you feel so emotional. YOu are running ragged to keep up with everything and it is hard to always be full of energy. You know that this is tough for anyone in your situation, you are just determine and full of tenacity. A little hard headed? NO seriously, take a bubble bath tonight when everyone is asleep and allow yourself to look at a magazine or light a candle and just close your eyes and chill!! You know its hard when things change, I have always had a difficult time when things end. Whether it be a party, or trip, or even the end of the school year. I am learning to transition better, to anticipate and stop resisting the inevitable. It doesn't always work, but sometimes I handle it better than the time before. I know there has got to be many levels of what you're dealing with. You and your husband, the house, your own kids, the foster kids, their relationship, your relationship with them, the kids you babysit, figuring out how to feed everyone, and oh yeah, there is you who needs something called a time out!! I wish I could come over and watch all the rug rats and send you to the spa! Well too bad I am in Florida or you would have one heck of a babysitter!

[startover22]

You too, I wish I had more time to talk with ou but I just sent everyone outside with some summer water melon. Hugs to you and a big THANK YOU! Start