[js777]

I don’t know if anyone can help me. It’s a weird situation that seems clear one moment and gray the next. I have a cat I’ve had for about four years. She’s very cute, very smart and very affectionate. I built her a kitty door and she’s indoor outdoor. All the people in the complex want to pet her. She loves going out at night and playing with other neighborhood cats. Then about six months ago, I noticed one lady feeding her. I felt a little weird about it but accused myself of being overly sensitive. After a few weeks I told the woman that my cat had plenty of food and not to feed her too much. She said she wouldn’t and I forgot about it. Then people began to comment about how much the woman was feeding the cat. I got busy but a few months later I noticed that I could be petting my cat and suddenly she would leap up and tear out the door every time this woman came home from work. Pretty soon I noticed that the woman was allowing my cat into her apartment. This was too much. I went over and said, my cat doesn’t eat at home anymore so you should stop feeding her. The woman said she loved her so much and that she would miss her. I told her she was welcome to pet her sometimes but that she needed to stop feeding her, maybe just give her a little snack now and again. We had a friendly conversation, and I reassured the woman that my cat got lots of attention and food and was well cared for (she kept hinting about how affectionate my cat is as if I might not be giving her enough attention). Another tenant seeing us talk said, oh, you’re transferring ownership? I left and started really watching and thinking about it. I began to see that my cat camps out on her doorstep all night, waiting to be let in. I realized that basically without knowing me, without asking, without so much as a thought to whether I was comfortable with it, this woman had tried to absorb my pet into her home and life even though she has a boyfriend and two cats of her own. I also realized I had let it go too long so the next night I went over and made it very clear that I was uncomfortable with it, I didn’t like the fact that she’d taken on an ownership role with my cat and she’d been feeding my pet without ever asking my permission. She was shocked and a little angry but her boyfriend agreed and I talked to him for about an hour on unrelated topics, then we parted. Since then I spent about two nights with a squirt bottle running over to squirt my cat when she starts scratching and begging at this woman’s door. You can imagine how uncomfortable this is. My cat doesn’t understand why she’s being disciplined and I’m hanging out and watching my neighbor’s door all the time. The next night, I stayed up late, and let my cat roam. The woman never opened the door until about 12:00 when I think she thought I would be asleep. My cat went to her door and she opened it up. I rushed out and said, don’t encourage her, I’m trying to break her of the habit and you’re not helping. She said “oh” and shut the door. Now I’m pretty sure the woman doesn’t care about what I decide for my pet and she’s just waiting until I’m not looking to continue sucking my cat in. Now I’m scared and at night I’m locking the kitty door. My cat has had freedom for four years and now she’s unhappy and confused. It took me a week to get her to understand that she could push on the kitty door and get out, now it’s open sometimes and closed sometimes. She pushes and scratches and hangs on the kitty door desperately trying to get out and hang out with her buddies. Her ears are laid back and her favorite prowling time has been cut off because I can’t trust this woman to leave my cat alone.

I don’t know what to do. It’s not like she’s stolen my cat and at this point she’s trained my cat to want to be in her apartment and want to eat there. I can’t call the police and say, hey this woman is stealing my cat. I don’t think that’s what she’s doing, she just has boundary issues and doesn’t understand how inappropriate her behavior is. At this point she probably thinks I’m an abusive ogre who’s denying my cat her affection out of jealousy (it’s a word she used before). What do I do? What rights do I have? I can take a cat that’s been an indoor/outdoor cat her whole life and force her to be only indoor. She doesn’t understand it and she feels like she’s being punished. She is being punished indirectly but it’s not her fault. How do I make this crazy lady understand that my cat is mine and it’s my right to decide whether people develop close relationships with her and feed her without asking me. What do I do?

[Teri]

Hello, It sounds to me like you have done everything you can about the woman trying to adopt your cat, but it is a known fact that cats are very independent. They pick what they want to do. You are not losing your cat you are gaining another family. Although that is something you are not wanting. You might have to accept it for your cats happiness.
Have you thought of maybe getting your cat his/her own playmate? One to have at home just for her.
Teri

[stephintampa]

Hello! It sounds like the crazy cat lady isn't going to give up. I think you should just make your cat an indoor cat. She will probably be unhappy at first, but I think she would get used to it. How about adopting another cat from the humane society to keep your kitty company?

[koriani]

I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. It's a tough thing when a cat is "stolen" or "lured" away. Unfortunately, I don't think there is much you can do besides keep her in all the time.

I highly recommend getting a Feliway Comfort Zone plug-in to help keep the cat's stress levels low. Feliway is a phermone product that makes cats feel less stressed and happy.

Also, getting another cat COULD help, but be very careful. It could drive your cat even further away as well. It's one thing for a cat to play with other cats in the neighborhood, but totally different when the new cat is in the established cat's "home". See if the local Humane Society or S.P.C.A. will allow you to "test" a cat in your home. It can take two weeks to a month to know if the cat will be accepted though.

The Feliway also would help with introducing a new cat into the household.

Maybe you could enlist the boyfriends help? Try not to cause issues between them, but see if he can do something to keep her from letting your cat in.

Do you think making friends with this woman would help you overcome your own insecurities about the cat? Perhaps if you got to know her it wouldn't feel so much like your cat was abandoning you.

It's a tough situation and I wish you the best of luck.

Regards,

[piperfan28]

I can understand why you would be frusterated. But does this woman live by herself? She may be lonely. You could look in your local newspaper or go to the pound and talk to the woman about available cats. Make sure you aren't angry about it. Just friendly conversation. Say "By the way i was looking in the paper and saw an ad for a little cat...".

But other than that I agree with the others about keeping the cat indoors. I have a male cat that used to be an indoor outdoor cat, but he began to get into some trouble with the neightbours greyhound. He was a little upset for a week or two about being kept in, but he is perfectly happy now.

Good luck with your problem!

[ReincarnatedDog]

Cats are frustratingly independent. Forget the crazy woman. Your cat is straying because there's a better option. Just play the same game and win your cat back.

[tnborden]

I really think this woman is invading your space. She seems to ignore what you want and that is not right, especially when you have asked her to stop. If the shoe was on the other foot, she would understand how you feel. You might try talking to someone at your local SPCA and see if they may have some ideas. Police would just make matters worse and unfriendly. I hope you resolve this problem. :)

[frob]

Sorry about your cat but it is not like having a dog a dog if it is being feed by someone else and staying there ever now and again is still your dog but with a cat it depends who it goes to more if it goes to this crazy woman as you call her more then your cat coming to you for food is hers it works like this in court as well if it was a dog you would win but as it is a cat it is just a case of who it goes to more, because in court if it goes to you more to be fed you would win the case but if it is the opposite way she would win.

Sorry if this is no use to you but I hope you sort it out soon.

[samonmars]

I would try playing with your cat, buttering it up and such. Treating it real nice, but spraying it when it goes to her apartment and say" Lady, leave my cat alone your being rude."

[N0help4u]

I agree with the others
You need to lock the kitty door permanent and try to make her an indoor cat.
If you keep letting her out and making an issue of it with the neighbor she might take it in her place and try not letting it out at all then you will have a bigger problem with her.
Cats are their own owner, you really can't own a cat. So if you can't keep the cat in and keep it from driving you crazy crying to get out then you might have to learn to share the cat or lose it to the crazy lady.

[samonmars]

But yeah, don't act friendly to her. It's your ca, and I've heard of people poisoning cats, so I would be careful about kitty.

[froggy7]

How do I make this crazy lady understand that my cat is mine and it's my right to decide whether or not people develop close relationships with her and feed her without asking me.

One thing that you need to learn: You have absolutely no way of changing anyone else's behavior. You can't make her stop feeding the cat. You can't make her stop petting the cat. You can't make her keep the cat out of her apartment. She can leave the door open and leave food out if she wants. And even if you convince her, what about the next person who moves in, and the one after that? No, if you want to control who your cat develops close relationships with, you are going to have to control the cat, not the people.

So, you are going to need to find some way of making your cat happy at your place. Keeping it in is a start. You might consider leash-training it, so that you can take it out for walks around the place. That way it can interact with other people and the outdoors, but on your terms. And you will want to get some toys and play with the cat so that it decides that your place is a nice spot to be. If you weren't in an apartment, I would recommend cat fencing to allow it outside but keep it from being free-roaming. But I doubt that your complex would allow you to do that, unless you have a dedicated, fenced patio and agreed to pay to put it back to normal when you move out.

Another thing to consider from the other woman's viewpoint. It's as hard for her to ignore your cat begging and scratching to get into her place as it is for you to ignore the cat trying to get out of your place. If I had a cat outside my door making a racket and I knew that it would be quiet if I let it inside, it would be very difficult for me to not eventually give in, if for no other reason than I could then get some sleep!

[Geoff5]

I know how you feel, trust me. I have a gorgeous all black male shorthair, three years old, a real outdoor cat and I would`nt want to change his freedom for anything. Thing is, while he`s out doing what cats do best, apart from the odd field mouse or bird, he must be going somewhere where he is getting more food.

I have spoken to my neighbours on two occasions and all have said they would`nt feed him or even let him in but either someone is lying or he is getting into peoples houses without them knowing he`s stealing food. Now my cat gets fed well at home and is great pals with his twin brother and our dog also, so everything fine there. In fact I now have him on a diet, on the advice of the vet, as he is now just over 6kg, a fatty compared to his brother who does`nt go out for long periods as Dodger {pea head}, does.

If I stop his food altogether, he`ll probably find new digs and I ca`nt keep him in all the time, because its against his outdoor nature. He is now just over 6kg as we speak, despite his diet. If I knew who it was, I would make them pay my vets bills, as he sure is going to need treatment if his weight does`nt stabalise. He`s a great character, lovely animal and it makes me seeth that someone could be doing this, especially as he has a colar with tag and microchip.

Geoff.

[morgaine300]

Thread is five years old. (And will probably be closed soon.)