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bumblebee1 · May 31, 2007, 03:10 PM

I've been with my husband for 7 years. About 6 months ago he started talking to a girl on myspace and the first words she typed to him were about how sexy he was. I told him I was uncomfortable about this, not to mention she is single, lives in the same town as we do, and is better looking than me. In the past he's done some shady things, but for the most part I trust him. Then about a month ago I got into his myspace and read a bunch of conversations they had. There was a LOT of flirting going on, and he even offered to have her come in so he could change her oil (he works at jiffy lube). I don't like the idea of my man meeting another single woman period.

That's not even the most messed up part. I recently had to go take care of my mom, and based on their latest conversations he was about to ask for her number. Knowing him, I pretty much knew he would meet/call her whether I wanted him to or not so I just gave up and gave him "permission" to call and meet her. I was going to be away for 3 months, and I was depressed about my mom dying so I guess I gave up.

I came back, and yes he had been talking to her on the phone but they haven't met yet. HE constantly gives her windows into our relationship and tells her what's going on. He even mentioned slapping her on the which is very inappropriate. Yesterday she called, and he LEFT THE ROOM to go talk to her. I begged him not to since he never leaves the room to talk to anyone. He apparently didn't see any fault in his actions. I want the "friendship" to end, but he seems more concerned with her and him than with me and him. And I know for a fact that they haven't met, so I don't know to do.

This is very bad for my high blood pressure and stress levels. He acts like he doesn't care. I know that they are just friends, and nothing would happen but something just doesn't seem right to me. Am I overreacting?

PS: when we talked about the two of them meeting I asked if I was invited and he said "no" and that it would be too "uncomfortable" with 3 people. Not to mention he claims she doesn't like me.

NowWhat · May 31, 2007, 03:29 PM

Are you overreacting? NO!
If you are uncomfortable - then you make it known! He is YOUR husband. He is acting like there is something to hide.
This situation is very fishy.

bumblebee1 · May 31, 2007, 03:33 PM

I have made it known, he just won't listen to me. I know for a fact if this was flipped around, he would divorce me in a second just because of the circumstances... I've told him I'm uncomfortable, I've cried, and begged him to just end the "friendship". But he just won't. The other day when he left the house to walk down the street with the phone to talk to her, I told him if he left I would leave him, and he kept walking. I even accused him of being more concerned with their "relationship" than ours. We celebrate 8 years in September. He's known her for 6 months. I've told him how I feel 234889074 times and he still won't listen. He thinks he isn't doing anything wrong so he's going to keep doing it. I'm going away for another 3 months to take care of my mom again and I just fear this is going to turn into an affair.

danielnoahsmommy · May 31, 2007, 03:45 PM

You have to trust your instincts. If it was my man, I would make it known that his behavior is childish, to discontinue that friendship and I would most likely divorce him .

rankrank55 · May 31, 2007, 04:12 PM

You are NOT overreacting!! Your husband is crossing the line BIG TIME and should be a lot more considerate of your feelings about this. In my opinion, the are probably a little more than friends. The thing that bothers me the most is that is okay with "hanging out" with another women that claims to "not like you" He should be taking up for you if someone says something like that about you, you are his WIFE! I'm not sure how you can get this "friendship" to end but it needs to because it is crossing the line and could potentially lead to infidelity. Get your hubby to notice you more! --->It sounds to me that you are a little self conscious... start being confident around him(even if your not). Do something special for him like making a special dinner and buying a special outfit. Pretend that the other girl is nothing to you and you just want him all to yourself. He is obviously not going to stop this rotten relationship with the myspace girl by you simply asking him so you will have to try other ways (like making yourself more irresistible). Remember though that confidence is key, even if you aren't has pretty as the other woman. Your heart is obviously more beautiful than hers! Good luck!
Ps-I know how you feel!;)

NowWhat · May 31, 2007, 04:32 PM

Please don't get caught in the trap of making threats that you aren't prepared to follow through with. You told him if he left with the phone you would leave. He did it anyway and you did nothing. He knows this.

At this point - there is an affair going on - it may just be emotional, but an affair none the less.

If he is not going to be in this 100% - you need to get counceling and figure out why.
Good LUck!

Emland · May 31, 2007, 05:19 PM

Does your state have alienation of affection laws? If it does, you may be able to get her to go away by threatening to sue. However, your problem will still exist with your husband. Until you solve that issue, you may have other similar problems with the next myspace gal.

Rockabilly1955mama · May 31, 2007, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by rankrank55

You are NOT overreacting!!!!!!! Your husband is crossing the line BIG TIME and should be a lot more considerate of your feelings about this. In my opinion, the are probably a little more than friends. The thing that bothers me the most is that is okay with "hanging out" with another women that claims to "not like you" He should be taking up for you if someone says something like that about you, you are his WIFE! I'm not sure how you can get this "friendship" to end but it needs to because it is crossing the line and could potentially lead to infidelity. Get your hubby to notice you more! --->It sounds to me that you are a little self conscious....start being confident around him(even if your not). Do something special for him like making a special dinner and buying a special outfit. Pretend that the other girl is nothing to you and you just want him all to yourself. He is obviously not going to stop this rotten relationship with the myspace girl by you simply asking him so you will have to try other ways (like making yourself more irresistible). Remember though that confidence is key, even if you aren't has pretty as the other woman. Your heart is obviously more beautiful than hers! Good luck!
ps-I know how you feel!;)

I agree completley! This is something to be worried about. You are deffenitly NOT overreacting honey!

Fr_Chuck · May 31, 2007, 05:45 PM

Yes, his behavior is not right

missgallucci · May 31, 2007, 06:07 PM

Hell no! He shouldn't even have a myspace if he feels the need to associate with other females. That is just trouble. Don't give him any permission to talk to or even meet up with other girls. That is just telling him OKAY BABY CHEAT ON ME. That's Ridiculous that you actually trust him after you say he has already donne some shady things. If he really cared for you he would be with you at these hard times your having with your mother and not be so focused on some dumb female that has no respect for a woman's husband.

Marily · May 31, 2007, 11:48 PM

I know exactly how you feel, you are going to make yourself sick if you are going to worry about this like that, and no you are not overeacting he is wrong in many ways, he should put consider your feelings, according to me nothing good can come of all this.

nursetrisha0143 · Jun 1, 2007, 09:04 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this, unfourtunatley I have gone through a situation much like your, My husband actually ended up meeting the 19 year old girl he met on myspace! You are not overreacting! I feel that a women knows when there is something wrong, you only feel this way because your heart and mind know that what he is doing is wrong! With that being said, its a lot easier to feel like you can not take it anymore than to actually do something about it! I felt that I should ignore it because I did not want to split up my family, and my 3 year old little boy would be devistated! I eventually had to break down and do something about it! We were not married then so it was not as hard to separate, but it was still a very stressful situation. I felt that if I left then I would give her free range to my man. I had to realize she had that anyway! So I cried and fought through it for 3 months, I am so glad that I did! He realized that he mad a mistake and we are now back together and married. Sometimes you have to just stand up for what is right o matter how hard it is for you to do! If you let him get away with this, he will continue to do it and maybe worse! Stand up fpr ypurself and let him know that there are men out there that will treat you wonderful!

bumblebee1 · Jun 1, 2007, 12:29 PM

I'd just like to update and say that I've given him an ultimatum. I've never really given an ultimatum before, but I can't take this anymore. I told him that he needs to end the "friendship" completely and show me proof that it has ended and stayed ended, or when I go to take care of my mom next weekend I won't be coming back and we'll be over. He thinks I am playing "games" with him, and says he's not going to play my game. It's pretty much come down to their friendship and our relationship. He told me over the phone today that he's pretty much not giving up the friendship whatsoever. So there's my answer.

I'd like to also mention that he's had "troubles" sort of like this with other girls on the phone before, I've gone away and he's called chat hook up lines, never met anyone but just talked for hours with other women... it hasn't' been constantly, just a few times over the last 7 years. The last time was pretty recent, about 2 months ago last time I went to see my mom. I was away for about 5 days, and found he had been talking to another woman for about 20+ hours total (no lie I counted on our phone bill). He claims they haven't met, but I have my doubts. He met her over a chat line, and they talked all the time... she even sent him pictures of her breasts, and also a lot of nasty messages to him, and even pictures of her kids. He also sent her pictures of his private parts. I was angry but I forgave.

This friendship I've been talking about, however, is the last straw, and he claims I'm trying to play a power game. He doesn't understand that this has nothing to do with power, and everything to do with my heart. My heart can't take this anymore, and this isn't real love to me. If he really loved and cared about me he'd understand and be true to me and my feelings. I'm not going to allow someone to treat me like this and think its okay. I've never broken up with him before... maybe I have like once for a couple hours in the 1st year of our relationship but nothing for real. I don't want us to end in hatred, but peacefully and I don't intend to speak to him again. There's nothing tying us together, no kids, house, car, etc. Plus I will be taking care of my mom at her cabin in the woods where there is no internet or phone so it'll be easier to not be able to contact him.

NowWhat · Jun 1, 2007, 02:04 PM

If he is not willing to end this relationship - then you do have your answer. I would pack up and stay with your mom. If he wants to work this out and realizes this isn't a game - then he knows where to find you.

Doing the things that you have described - is cheating. It may not be a sexual relationship. But it is mental. Sending pictures of your private parts? That is so unappropriate!

You need to say what you are going to do and then do it. If you don't - he will know he can play you for a fool when ever he wants.
Good Luck

talaniman · Jun 3, 2007, 05:51 AM

Leave his butt and don't look back and get help for yourself as to why on earth you allowed yourself to be treated this way.

o0FreeBird0o · Jun 3, 2007, 06:03 AM

I dont think you are over reacting. you husband leaves the room you are in to talk to her? i wonder why that is. if she was a friend then he wouldnt care that you knew what they were talking about.
Why doesnt she like you? from what i see the only reason for her not to like you is because you have what she wants...your hubby.
tell him you wont wait around to be cheated on, then tell him he has until the end of your trip with your mother to make his mind up about this frienship with this woman.
ask him what is more important? he should be trying to support you right now with everything going on with your mother, not trying to get it on with someone else.