[angelgurlama]

Sounds fair to me. If she doesn't like it then tfb for her. She will either need to grow up or get out. And fast. It will make home life much easier for everyone... including her, eventually. Stay strong.

[cherylnjoseph]

I too have a 19 year old daughter who left a year ago for Colorado and told me "it was to late for us to work on our relationship and that she was going to live with her boyfriend any there was nothing we could do to stop her, and she was not coming back home". Four months later she called home for us to pay for her ticket to come back, we agreed but only under the circumstances she got a job and followed our rules. She came home and was grateful for about a week, then it started all over again, swearing, arguing, and treated us like a doormat. She got a job after three months later after constant pressure from my wife and I, but she quit after 1 month.She sleeps in and stays out late with friends, she does not have her driving license so she aksed us to drive her a lot. We have created a list of rules and chores for her to follow which she either does not do or does with a really bad attitude, she also believes that because she may pick up her room or empty or load the dishwasher we owe her a place to live for free. When she breaks the rules we punish her and right now we have taking her cell phone and lap top away, but she continues to lie, argue, and steal our stuff when we are at work and then say's she did not do it. She told me yesterday that taking away her stuff will never work and only make her more miserable to us and when I say I will evict her she said she's not going anywhere! We have made list of rules and hung it up for her to see, but she is contently will break them and not following our list. We have put locks on the bedroom doors to keep her out when we are not home, only to have her figure out a way to still break in. My wife and I have worked hard to get her a Phycologist and Therapist which she fights about going to every appointment. She fights with her sister and tells me off on a daily basis and I'm tired of it! I want my home back too and some peace with my wife and family. My friends and family have told me she needs tuff love and to evict her from our home, my question is how do I do it and where will she go? I sympathize with all of you who are also going through the same scenario.

Hurt and frustrated... Dad

[cherylnjoseph]

I too have a 19 year old daughter who left a year ago for Colorado and told me "it was to late for us to work on our relationship and that she was going to live with her boyfriend any there was nothing we could do to stop her, and she was not coming back home". Four months later she called home for us to pay for her ticket to come back, we agreed but only under the circumstances she got a job and followed our rules. She came home and was grateful for about a week, then it started all over again, swearing, arguing, and treated us like a doormat. She got a job after three months later after constant pressure from my wife and I, but she quit after 1 month.She sleeps in and stays out late with friends, she does not have her driving license so she aksed us to drive her a lot. We have created a list of rules and chores for her to follow which she either does not do or does with a really bad attitude, she also believes that because she may pick up her room or empty or load the dishwasher we owe her a place to live for free. When she breaks the rules we punish her and right now we have taking her cell phone and lap top away, but she continues to lie, argue, and steal our stuff when we are at work and then say's she did not do it. She told me yesterday that taking away her stuff will never work and only make her more miserable to us and when I say I will evict her she said she's not going anywhere! We have made list of rules and hung it up for her to see, but she is contently will break them and not following our list. We have put locks on the bedroom doors to keep her out when we are not home, only to have her figure out a way to still break in. My wife and I have worked hard to get her a Phycologist and Therapist which she fights about going to every appointment. She fights with her sister and tells me off on a daily basis and I'm tired of it! I want my home back too and some peace with my wife and family. My friends and family have told me she needs tuff love and to evict her from our home, my question is how do I do it and where will she go? I sympathize with all of you who are also going through the same scenario.

Hurt and frustrated... Dad

[cherylnjoseph]

I too have a 19 year old daughter who left a year ago for Colorado and told me "it was to late for us to work on our relationship and that she was going to live with her boyfriend any there was nothing we could do to stop her, and she was not coming back home". Four months later she called home for us to pay for her ticket to come back, we agreed but only under the circumstances she got a job and followed our rules. She came home and was grateful for about a week, then it started all over again, swearing, arguing, and treated us like a doormat. She got a job after three months later after constant pressure from my wife and I, but she quit after 1 month.She sleeps in and stays out late with friends, she does not have her driving license so she aksed us to drive her a lot. We have created a list of rules and chores for her to follow which she either does not do or does with a really bad attitude, she also believes that because she may pick up her room or empty or load the dishwasher we owe her a place to live for free. When she breaks the rules we punish her and right now we have taking her cell phone and lap top away, but she continues to lie, argue, and steal our stuff when we are at work and then say's she did not do it. She told me yesterday that taking away her stuff will never work and only make her more miserable to us and when I say I will evict her she said she's not going anywhere! We have made list of rules and hung it up for her to see, but she is contently will break them and not following our list. We have put locks on the bedroom doors to keep her out when we are not home, only to have her figure out a way to still break in. My wife and I have worked hard to get her a Phycologist and Therapist which she fights about going to every appointment. She fights with her sister and tells me off on a daily basis and I'm tired of it! I want my home back too and some peace with my wife and family. My friends and family have told me she needs tuff love and to evict her from our home, my question is how do I do it and where will she go? I sympathize with all of you who are also going through the same scenario.

Hurt and frustrated... Dad

[jollyrogers]

My daughter is 19. She goes to college. She has a job. She has an apartment. And she's one of the most hateful, spiteful and hurtful people I know. When she chose to leave at 18 yrs old she threw eggs at the house. She called the police on me when she was moving out and told them I was abusing her. Of course when they got to the house... they laid down the real law. They told her to leave and when she started walking through the house, they told her not to touch anything and leave. She freaked out and somehow managed to steal my cell phone when I wasn't looking just for spite. When I read your story I just copied and pasted most of it and wrote my own. :) I woke up this morning at 7 am with her on my mind. We haven't talked now for going on two weeks. Sometimes it's for months at a time and sometimes it's not but for a couple of hours. But each time it happens I feel like a failure. She doesn't understand what it's like to be a mother. All I want her to do is respect me and not be mean to me but it doesn't happen. I always ask myself, "What did I do, or what could I have done to provoke this. I still feel responsible for our relationship. She has an attitude that she is better than everyone else and that she is entitled to relationships and a home, job and car. She doesn't take into account the things we do for her. If we help pay for college books or tuition she thinks we are suppose to be doing that. She thinks she was abused because she didn't get the "Abercrombie" pants she wanted in 7th grade. I guess for me the bottom line is that I want my daughter to be someone that I don't think she will ever be. I want her to be a nice person. I realize she has legitimate emotional needs. But it's impossible for me to be their for her emotionally when she says horrible things to me. One of her friends from High School and now college came over a couple of weeks ago to buy a car we are selling and we talked to him for a little bit. His parents have never been to college so we told him if he needed any help or moral support he could always ask us and we would do whatever we could to help. THIS is what started the argument between me and my daughter. She immediately accused us of helping someone else but not helping her. She made threats and then said she wasn't talking to me anymore. I don't know what to do this time. I just know that I can't go on this way. What to do what to do. I know things will never be the way I want them to be. I guess it's time to just accept it. Am I a bad mother if I don't put my daughter first anymore? For the most part, I've always thought about how my actions would affect my children so I try to do the "right" things towards them and around them. But now I'm not so sure if I should still be putting them first. I think I'll go out on a limb and say, "she's on her own this time" I think the best thing I can do is release myself from her life and let my idea of a nice, respectful child just die.
Thank you so much for your post. Leslie

[jollyrogers]

Oh... yeah, Jessica signed a contract a few months before she moved out. I printed off the legal responsibilities of 18yo to go with it as well. She signed it and then she said it was a stupid piece of paper and that she didn't have to do anything it said. She didn't care that she signed it and she said I was stupid for thinking that she had to do anything that was written in it. We've had designated driver contracts and it wasn't until a couple of months ago she told me that she never honored any of the contracts. She said the contracts were for me not for her and I think they were. But they made me feel better. At least I knew I wasn't being unreasonable. God forbid I become unreasonable lol.

[jollyrogers]

Just reading the moms and dads stories on here makes me feel stronger. That's what I NEED; strength. Just to keep moving forward. Just keep on truckin. And know that I am not my daughter and she is not me. We are two separate people with different likes and dislikes and if something happened to her or me and we never got to see each other again, then I have to somehow make peace with that. Easily said. Now can I do it?

[Kenya4107]

Im 19 year of african american female and Im going back to school having a hard time try get my drivers license and Neighbors aways being noisy. What a life?

[JChristine]

I have just been going through similar things with my 19 year old daughter. She also graduated from high school last year and the first semester of college she completely bombed. The last two years have been terrible and I reached my peak two weeks ago. It was time for her to go. Much like your daughter she acted completely ungreatful, disrespectful and would raise her voice and attempt to take over my home. Sorry but there is only one queen bee in this house and that's me! Want to be a queen bee... get your own house to do it in! I lost it! Had much of the same things going on... taking all the towels and having them piled in her room, dishes left in the kitchen, because heck mom will come behind me and do it she hates dishes piled up... not maintaining her end of the responsibilities around the home. I'm a single parent and have been one since she was a year old. It's always been a team effort around here and it wasn't about to change now.

I say sometimes they need a good dose of reality! Tough love is tougher on us than it is them but it is necessary. We've probably all been the parents that wanted to make sure our kids knew we loved them without a doubt therefore we were always there for them ready and available when they needed us. Listened to them at any hour but now it's all about them with no regard for us in any manner whatsoever. Well I say that's when it's time to take back your life. They are not children any longer yet they are also not fully capable adults but guess what... they need to learn sometime and some of them have to learn the hard way. At least my daughter does. As for the drinking in your home... Not a chance I would tolerate that! Breath, stick to your convictions, stand your ground and set boundaries for yourself otherwise your life is going to be consumed with her issues and difficulty getting through this phase. It's normal from what I hear but I don't think what these kids are doing these days is normal. Hell, if I tried any of what they do now with my parents and/or guardians at their age I would have been quickly kicked in the bottom to say the least... actually I knew better to not even attempt to do any of it! We were raised in a very different time from them. It truly is not the same as when we were their ages. Good luck and keep positive that you're doing the right thing for your and your home as well as your daughter in the long run.

[JChristine]

Yes you will do it. Life continues on regardless. I'm having to come to terms with letting go as well and leaving my daughter to figure out and be who she is. I don't agree with a lot right now on her choices of places and people but they are her choices and she is the one who is going to have to deal with the consequences or positives that come from any and every choice she makes now. There comes a time when we have to step back and trust that we raised them right and that somewhere, somehow that right raising is going to click in and they will get it. Until then, pray, drink lots of tea and take care of yourself and have your life. She will get hers. Remember, we all went through somewhat of the same thing and we turned out OK! :)

[dichotomous1]

My 19 year old has left home and lives with a 30 year old bozo with a kid. Now she has to play mum and wife to this jerk. I've told her I don't like it and she told me that its her life, if I don't accept him I don't accept her and so, see you later pops!

Heartbreaking. She had really good grades at school, was on 8th grade in piano and has just given everything up for this guy, whom she reckons she loves.

At least yours is still at home and you have an opportunity to have some input into her future decision making.

[Tamimg]

In my opinion it is time for some tough love here. You and your husband have to join forces and be one strong unit in this situation.

You can not back down and you have to stand your ground together! The things you wrote down on your contract are all things that has already been addressed and run into the ground I am sure. Something that worked for me is to bag up all her belongings and take them away clothes, shoes what ever it is time for the princes to have a wake up call. As far as the phone and truck and insurance it should go too! I am a firm believer that kids are a product of what we as parents let them get away with! I work with incarcerated girls that have no respect for their parents and then this leads to no respect for the law. If she wants to earn her stuff back she needs to face the real world of adult consequences and give respect to get respect. You will only be helping her to become a responsible adult who understands life has consequences to her actions.
In the mean time join forces with your husband and know I am praying for you.

[panchat]

Hello Debi sorry to tell you this but I would not even bother giving her anything in writing she knows all the rules you must have had told her all the things have written at some time even when you had an arguments over things she knows everything she is just trying on I would ask her to go is the only way I know it will be hard but she will have to learn I had to do the same to my daughter she is 19 and she was same leaving things for me to every time and room was really messy, but the reason we kicked her out was because of her boy friend he was trying to rule my house and will not respect our house he was trying to take over in our house told him to leave but did not go he was two timing my daughter and even then she would not drop him so we had no choice but to kick her out now she is staying at his faimly's house she have to clean up and keep the room tidy and pay boarding too so now she will find out what real world is like.. mandy

[momrules]

Hello. I can't believe you wrote what is going on in my house to the T. As of Today I have put the nice car we bought for her in her name and insurance. Her phone also. She works to provide for her boyfriend who is 21 and dose nothing but mooch from my daughter who mooches from us. The Hell my daughter has put us through is destroying my son and my marriage. Daughter Thinks she not doing anything wrong. She gose to School and has a Job. She has no choice she needs Gas to get out of the house. She Dumps and runs and leaves our house in a nightmare. We were supporting her to go to School. Now I don't care School is not for me and asking like she is doing me some big favor. I'm giving her 30 days to locate living arrangements this should not be to hard since she seems to find a place at 2am and returns when she is hungry and tired. I love my daughter but refuse to live with her under her terms and way. Since I did not see a report card yet I will not pay student loan. Deal is you pass I pay that semester. I didn't put loan in my name until I see first year she is doing right by us in all ways. School home etc.. If She fails and doesn't pay the car insurance student loans etc... Well that's on her. Not me.She needs to Grow up. This is not the Holiday inn and I'm not the servant of a 19 year old who is a adult to play but a child at home. I want to add two days after taking her off our policy she let boyfriend drive the car with no DL. Two days after that they had a accident. There Ok. But again it would have been on Us. Since she won't protect my home and family I will. Why ? WE are in CHARGE!PS. That contract doesn't work. SHut down the MONEY!! INSURANCE PHONE and get your life Back. If she want to drive she better work! I also think If there not going to clean I want paid for cleaning service or move out!

[peanie]

Please let me know what happens. I feel your pain as I have a 19 year old who is the same way. She is making my life hell. All I want is for her to keep things clean and things just get worse. I feel like she hates me and has no respect for me at all.