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Bandit15 · May 31, 2007, 02:00 PM

I'm sorry Jualsy, that not the point here. Like myself, I'm sure he appricate everything about her, but you have to understand that love making or sex, whatever you want to call it is a visual thing for most guys. I know we age and things do go south, but his wife isn't 80 years old. From what I understood, she was heavy, but got even larger as time went on. I sure he went into the marrige hoping she will lose weight, not gain it.

Megg · May 31, 2007, 02:08 PM

If you really love someone you'll be attracted. If not then I doubt your love is real. Sex isn't visual at all, sept for the people who are shallow and care about outer then inner self. I bet mosre time's then not, you can't see anything when your having sex anyway. It's not like your watching yourslef doing it. Lol.

Bandit15 · May 31, 2007, 02:37 PM

I'm sorry, I rather see a pair of firm breast and tight butt than a set that's down to the stomach and a butt that the size of my yugo! Not visual? are you kidding me? I'm not shallow, I just don't want the person I'm making love to remind me of a linebacker or sumo wrester. Listen, I don't need the person to be perfect, but I expect you to take care of yourself and don't let yourself go like that.

Megg · May 31, 2007, 02:51 PM

Well I'm rather confussed. See this kind of makes me think. I'm not skinny. Fact is I got a tummy and an ars. I wish I was skinny. But my fiancé says he likes me fine because I still have a figure what ever the hellz that means. But it comes close to home when people are making fun of and or talking about fat people. Because I think I am.

Bandit15 · May 31, 2007, 02:57 PM

There's a big difference between a "thick" women with curves and a fat women where you don't know where the curves start. I'm not against "big" girls, I'm against girls who refuse to take care of they bodies. I sure your husband thinks your great and love your curvy body. Good for you!

danielnoahsmommy · May 31, 2007, 03:00 PM

You married this girl . I thought vows consisted of in sickness and in health. You think your wife likes picking up you belly to get to your private region. I think not, but she would do it because she loved you. Stop being a jerk and think about the woman you fell in love with.

I married my husband 7 years ago I was about 115 lbs and not very healthy. Three year latter and one child I ballooned up to 186 lbs. my husband never criticized me and that helped me lose over a 1/3 my weight . I am 133 lbs. health and have a nicer shape than ever.

Support her and she will be there for you.

shatteredsoul · May 31, 2007, 03:11 PM

Whatever you desire for her, start to desire for yourself. You should want to feel good and look good for you. (As should she) Let her know that you think that she is important to you and you want her to be proud of you. Don't attack, criticize or tell her to lose weight. This will only make her feel worse. She will probably use food as a comfort and use it to feel protected from you. Maybe if you focus on the things you love about her and try to engage in more activities together, maybe you can fall in love again with the girl you married. She is still the same person and you need to help build her up. This isn't about what you want, but you should want to help her be more healthy and confident. Walking together and working out together could also bring you closer and turn you back on. Don't give up on her, this is a very fixable thing. Physical beauty is so temporary and it is only skin deep. You could meet the most beautiful woman, but her personality and demeanor could totally turn you off and she isn't so attractive. If you see past the things that bother you and focus on what you love, maybe you will find a way to be positive, helpful and a source of strength for her to help herself.

MummaCrash · May 31, 2007, 06:57 PM

I'm sorry Jualsy, that not the point here. Like myself, I'm sure he appricate everything about her, but you have to understand that love making or sex, whatever you want to call it is a visual thing for most guys. I know we age and things do go south, but his wife isn't 80 years old. From what I understood, she was heavy, but got even larger as time went on. I sure he went into the marrige hoping she will lose weight, not gain it.

So the problem is with most of your kind of Men, is you're go into the marriage thinking that your other half is there to serve you, to please you, to watch what she eats whilst you sit on you big bum and eat what ever you like and have a cry when she's going down south...

I'm sorry, I rather see a pair of firm breast and tight butt than a set that's down to the stomach and a butt that the size of my yugo! Not visual? are you kidding me? I'm not shallow, I just don't want the person I'm making love to remind me of a linebacker or sumo wrester. Listen, I don't need the person to be perfect, but I expect you to take care of yourself and don't let yourself go like that.

Sorry but that's not love, that's "me me me I I I, give me this give me that".

You should broaden your horizons mentally, obviously you're visioning it!
Except, appreciate, consider her situation and how you can help her.
You should be worried about her health not how tight her BUM is or how hot she is in bed.

Fr_Chuck · May 31, 2007, 07:11 PM

You know I have not read all of the tread, but will jump in with an opinion, which I of course have plenty of.

This poor women deserves a lot better husband than this bum. Period, it has only been a year, so first she could not have gained that much weight.
And to add if you really love someone, really looks is not where it is at. Since get a life and understand you and her will grow old, maybe lose your teeth, maybe loose a leg or a arm, or a foot, You may end up not being able to even have sex because of a medical issue, You may end up on O2, or stuck in a wheel chair where she will have to clean you.

Both of you may have hair turn grey, or fall out, you may like what happened to me, be thrown through a car windshield and have your face disfigured, maybe have 1000 stiches just in your forehead.

If you base any relastionship on looks, then all will fair, which is why of course the divorce rate is 50 percent or more.

So basically you either love them for being them, or you need to fix what is wrong with you, not her.

Megg · May 31, 2007, 07:14 PM

Amen... that sums up the facts

J_9 · May 31, 2007, 07:30 PM

Okay, I think it is time for a physical. Is it possible that your wife may have a thyroid problem? Many times a thyroid problem will only manifest itself with weight gain (hypothyroidism) or weight loss (hyperthyroidism). Has she had her thyroid tested lately?

This is one thing that should be ruled out before beginning any diet or exercise program.

And AMEN to Chuck. My mother gained weight during my parent's marriage, my father stayed with her and loved her, now she is caring for him in his last days, keeping his tongue moist because his mouth stays open, changing his diapers because he is bed ridden.

That is love, not looks.

bushg · May 31, 2007, 07:43 PM

Amen j9

Bandit15 · Jun 1, 2007, 05:08 AM

I'm sorry, but I love the hell out of my wife! She's a great wife and a devoted parent. I would give my life to save hers in a heartbeat. That's not the point here, I don't find her physically attractive, therefore I'm not getting turned on. Sorry

luckystar · Jun 1, 2007, 08:56 AM

Well... personally myself being quite fat its not as easy as everybody thinks... yeah you need will power but you also need support... instead of just castin her aside think about her... she must be feeling very low not to make any effort... try talking to her about it instead of discussing it on the internet...

talaniman · Jun 2, 2007, 06:22 AM

I hope she gets her problem solved, and gets a real man. Whether she attracts you or not, you should still show love, and get to the heart of the problem, with communication, and a professional (doctor) and get a direction to go in, for her mental and physical health. You're the man, so get busy and do whatever it takes. Who said marriage was easy, You've only been married a year, and at the first problem your ready to go else where?? Not good. Where's the love, and dedication.......................or the effort???

danielnoahsmommy · Jun 2, 2007, 06:52 AM

I consider myself to be an educated person (except when it comes to my spelling) I have an extensive science background and just so you know sex stems from the brain. If you love your wife The "FEELING" should still be there. From what you stated earlier you are a bit overweight yourself. Maybe you have a hormonal imbalance yourself. They make little blue pill to help you get it up. Why not get a prescription for them. This would also help your wife to feel better.

WFO · Feb 5, 2008, 10:26 AM

I, like you, have a wife who is very overweight. I'd say about 60 pounds. She is sensitive about it, and says she doesn't like it, but that's about where it ends. She does not seem willing to actually DO anything about it. She complains about our lack of sex, and I try to be sweet. However, her appearance is an incredible turn off for me, sexually. She was overweight when we met, then after an initial couple of dates I didn't ask her out again until after I could tell that she had lost some weight, about 8 months later. As soon as we got engaged she went in for a back surgery and since then her weight has all come back, then some. I do love her or I couldn't have stayed with her for 18 years now. But, there's just so much a guy can handle. Overweight wife is beginning to not be one of those things. I'll never leave her because she is a Godly woman with a tender caring heart, and she loves me, and I made a commitment to her. I am going to keep praying for her and about her for this issue. I have to say though, especially after reading Jualsy's response, that it seems like some women just don't seem to understand that for a guy, having sex is not just something that he decides to do and the body responds. Especially after you are in your fifties. When your wife is... well, ugly... there's not going to be any sex. It's gross and disgusting, even if you love her. And that makes the situation even less acceptable for the guy because he CANNOT speak his mind about the real issue for fear of hurting the one he loves. So Jualsy, I'm sure that he can and does appreciate his wife for WHO she is. You totally missed the point.

smoothy · Feb 5, 2008, 10:47 AM

Perhaps you can get into some sort of support group or weight loss plan as a couple. Diets are a lot easier and more successful if you have some help and support. The first step is always the toughest.

There are a LOT of medical problems caused or aggravated by being severely overweight, perhaps that can be a source of motivation for both of you. Like was mentioned do this under a doctors supervision. If she has a thyroid condition it can be helped with medication. And there isn't a doctor out there that won't NOT preach the benefits of losing excess weight.

Whatever you do, do it as a couple.