[JackieBlueGirl]

I am broken hearted.
James and I have been together for over 5 yrs.
I stood by him through 1 1/2 yrs of jail time where he was in for assault.

I stood by him through his drug abuse and so many rehabs I can't remember.

I did everything for him and was with him at his lowest times always faithful and concerned and helping him.

Last night I was at his place.

He was eating and I decided to make a call on my cell phone.
The next thing I knew he started yelling at me that I was 'disprespecting" him by being on the phone and 'talking about HIS personal business" with my cousin.

The house was full of his son age 20 and all of his sons friends.

Jimmy went into a RAGE.

He got up and said "what am I supposed to do while you are on that phone>>? Who the do you think you are disrespecting me like this " then he said (screaming) "thats it jerkoff..........your out of here get your NOW".

THEN he looked me dead in the eyes and said "Come on SCUMBAG ...lets go I said get you SCUMBAG and GET OUT you JERKOFF"!

By this time all the kids came down and I was MORTIFIED HUMILIATED.

The kids came down the stairs and had their heads hung LOW looking at the ground as Jimmys son was directing all of them out of the house.

Jimmy continued to scream "Come on SCUMBAG get your out of here NOW!

I said to him "you call me a scumbag?"
Now at this point I am in TOTAL DISBELIEF AND BEWILDERMENT.

SO I said I am a scumbag??

ANd he said "yeah that's right scumbag that's what you are"!

ALL the kids kept filing by... as his son kept directing them to the door.

I know the REAL cause of his rage.

First he DID feel I was disrespecting him by being on the phone.
Hes immature like that.

THEN the REAL REASON>? A guy came to the door and I knew he was there for some sort of drug deal and when I accused Jimmy of it THAT is when he FIRST STARTED to get the attitude towards me.

I CAUGHT HIM and CALLED HIM ON IT and it got him mad.

I am SO HUMILIATED.

5 years and for what ? FOr it all to come to this??

WHAT did I do SO WRONG??

WHAT do I do when I see these kids now in the neighborhood?
Im too ASHAMED to run into any of them.
They are ages 17 to 21.

I am 41 yrs old.
Jimmy is 46.

WHAT do I do when I run into one of these kids?
Do THEY THINK I am a scumbag??

And what about Jimmy??

THe way he treated me??

I am in SHOCK and TOTAL DENIAL that it EVER HAPPENED because this hasn't happened before.

I mean he not only degraded me HE DID IT IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE KIDS!

WHAT do those kids think of me NOW??

AND>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> WHAT the hell was Jimmy thinking?

We made love Friday night and here it was the NEXT NIGHT and he kept staring at me head cocked back saying over and over COME ON SCUMBAG That's RIGHT You're a SCUMBAG GET OUT!

And NO I DID NOT call him today.

AND NO IM NOT GOING TO CALL after what he did to me.

Can you imagine 5 years and all I DID FOR HIM??

PLEASE HELP ME
I FEEL LIKE IM Going to LOSE MY MIND LIKE ITS ALL A BAD DREAM
Jackie

[Wildcat21]

Well - unfortunately your with a jerk/bad boy. He will never change.

Please start reading articles at this website: relationships-blog.city .com

They will help - look for your topics.

The sons don't feel bad for you - this guy, unfrotunately is a 100 time loser.

How did you end up with this guy? Is ALL his trouble worth it? Is JUST the hot steamy sex? I can't imagine why you're still with him?

You sound like like a potential sweet heart. Was it your upbringing?

Get away from this guy - HE IS HORRIBLE!! Please understand this - so many great guys out there.

Sorry - just trying to be honest. Most men are not like this. Please move on. He is an abusive jerk.

[CroCivic91]

Aye, I'd listen to him and get my stuff out. If you let him get away with this once - he'll just keep on doing it, cause he'll see he CAN keep doing it.

About the kids... what have you got to be ashamed of? Do these kids mean something to you? I don't give a damn what someone I don't give a damn about thinks of me. It's what people, who you care about, think of you that matters. So if you ever see them - just act like nothing happened, say hi if you want to, smile if you want to, or do nothing if you want to. It doesn't really matter, does it?

[JackieBlueGirl]

I don't know why I care what those kids think.

I guess I just don't want them thinking I did something so horrible that that's why jimmy did what he did to me.

I also look like a total now.

They know I been with him 5 years so this makes ME look like a total fool but your right I shouldn't care WHAT they think.

[JackieBlueGirl]

Some of you may be farmiliar with this last sat night my boyfriend of 5 yrs called me a scum bag and humiliated me in front of everyone and kicked me out. My last words were please just take me to see my uncle he's dying take me tomm on Sunday to which he replied f u u scum bag get your own f ing ride.. well.. I stood by him through 1 1/2 yrs of jail he went on assault charge and 4 yrs off and on rehabs long story short he freaked out called me scum and humiliated me and my last words to him were please take me to see my uncle he's dying well Tuesday night he did die... I called jimmys father and told him I really need the 40 dollars jimmy owes me I have to buy flowers my uncle died... I left a note telling jim to no avail... I told him I stood by u 5 yrs I did everything then you freak out call me scum in front of everyone here in the house all I asked for was a rid to see my uncle and you said no and now he's dead and that will forever haunt my heart all I want is the money you owe me nothing more so I can get flowers... I never heard from him. How heartless can he be? HE called ME scum he humiliated ME and all I asked in the note that his dad gave him was send me the money... all I asked was a ride and you told me no you scum and now uncle has died... I am so gried stricken over it all. I had to take the last money out of my bank to buy flowers and take 2 buses since I don't have a car and I had such a panic attack I had to call emergency my heart rate was over 120 beats a min and I left my heart medicine at home. Its just too overwhelming. Why didn't he just send me the money especially after knowing he called me scum and denied me what would have been my last visit with uncle when he was alive>? Thank you

[CroCivic91]

I don't want to be rude here, but - damn girl, you could have used some interpunction signs there! It was a pain reading the note :p

[JackieBlueGirl]

CroCivic91 I don't want to be rude here, but - damn girl, you could have used some interpunction signs there! It was a pain reading the note

What are *interpunction* signs>?

God... with ALL that's gone down in the past week and all that I wrote and the way I poured my heart out looking for help or thoughts from someone
I was so glad I got a reply and then I saw your note.

Besides *interpunction* signs do you have any other thoughts to share?

Like maybe in reply to my post>?

And really what IS an *interpunction* sign.

[CroCivic91]

Dot, comma, dash... consider using those - it makes "reading" your thoughts a lot easier.

Just consider this line: "i told him i stood by u 5 yrs i did everything then u freak out call me scum in front of everyone here in the house all i asked for was a rid to see my uncle and u said no and now hes dead and that will forever haunt my heart all i want is the money u owe me nothing more so i can get flowers"

Now consider this one: "i told him i stood by u 5 yrs, i did everything...then u freak out, call me scum in front of everyone here in the house. all i asked for was a rid to see my uncle and u said no, and now hes dead and that will forever haunt my heart. all i want is the money u owe me...nothing more, so i can get flowers."

And that's without fixing the typos!

Well, sorry if it seems rude, but my intention was not to diss you.

Anyway, to give you some thoughts. You obviously will not get your money, and he obviously doesn't care. If you continue to do what you're doing - you'll continue to get what you're getting. So I'd just say you pack your bags, leave and get him the hell out of your life! Do not contact him because he will keep on treating you the way he is (right now). So just go out, get yourself together and start meeting better people.

[JackieBlueGirl]

Yes I see what you mean.

Its hard to follow a post when it's a jumbled together but lol I guess my thoughts were all jumbled together.

Its been such a bad week.

Im just so tired.

So many family members gone in such a short time.

The older ones are the GOLD the threads that hold us together.

And now... there are 2 standing.


I lost a lot of younger relatives too.

Very tragic.

I just feel alone and lost that's all.

I guess there is nothing no one can do.

But thanks for the reply.

[Wildcat21]

Hun - it's better to be alone than with a complete jerk like that.

No one should ever go through that.

[Wildcat21]

You seem like you have a good heart but have surrounded yourself with some very bad people.

[JackieBlueGirl]

Hi I hope you are all well. Well Jimmy called and he wanted his stuff back.
but I told him I brought all your stuff back already days ago and left it there for you.

BUT he said "no you forgot my shaving kid" yah OK Well like I said that was just an excuse to see me. So I bring him his stuff and I ask where is the rest of MY stuff? So he looks at me and says "right there /I said "where" He said to me "right there '*&^&!'. Well! I said "what is wrong with you talking like that? Im not taking that abuse any more from you!" So I started walking away and he got fumed.

I guess he wanted me to talk to him or to say 'oh I miss you" or "oh lets talk about this" but I didnt. After all I was just insulted again! SO I start walking away and hes yelling "yeah yeah Jer*o*f" and the rest I didn't make out because I was walking away. I feel that his ego got bruised because I did not stay to take the abuse. I simply gave him what he wanted like he asked me to and I left. What else did he want? Or expect? I didn't cause the hurt. Hey I was with this guy 5 yrs and what he did to me was terrible. Now Im real confused. But I know one thing... the abuse is over... I walked from it

[CroCivic91]

Well done! My hat's off to you!

In your place, I wouldn't even care what he was thinking... there's so many better things that can keep your mind occupied than him. You did a nice job walking away from him and letting him know you won't take his any more. Just give him all his stuff back as soon as possible and do everything you can to avoid him after that.

[JackieBlueGirl]

Thank you so much.

Im just so sick over it.

I have IBS (irritable colon) and its God awful.


I haven't eaten and that doesn't help it at all.

But Im slowly going to start eating again and hopefully soon my episodes
In the bathroom will cease.

Im just a nervous wreck.

But I know I did what I had to do.

Thanks again for your support.

Sincerely

Jackie

[Wildcat21]

Jackie - I very glad you handle it that way. You saw his true colors again.

Looks he also is trying gto blame you - terrible.

It will ltake time to get over this. You really should try something new in life. Exercise, reading, new job, new friends.

In time, some one new will come into your life.

This guy will never change - just realize that. He WILL try again to get back into your life - that's what abusive-jerk-bad boys do.