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kazzz · Jun 6, 2007, 03:20 AM

His funeral is next week and that's all I'm being told, they won't tell me where or exactly when, and as much as I know they are in pain and want some one to blame,never thought they would actually stop me from saying my good byes. Think there jelous of the fact he chose to spend his last hrs with me. I didn't ask him to,he just did. He said his good byes to me but I didn't say my goodbyes to him because I didn't know what he was going to do. I know I can say good bye in my own way but I'm catholic and should be at that funeral. What if his spirit can't rest because I wasn't there. Who knows. X

ordinaryguy · Jun 6, 2007, 04:59 AM

Oh, hun, this is such a heavy load to bear. I am so sorry. It's especially sad that his family is being so unkind and unreasonable. The death of someone close seems to make some people hard and mean, as though anger and blame will distract them from their grief. I'm so glad that you aren't going that route. This reveals a lot about people's true character. Stay true to the love you have for him and don't be distracted by the other.

The road you're on now is a long one. Although the acute pain will subside with time, you will be permanently changed by this experience. Let yourself feel all the feelings that well up and threaten to overwhelm you. You won't be overwhelmed, and if you suppress and deny them they will eat away at you from the inside and do damage. This is kind of like a forest fire that consumes all the dead wood on the forest floor and makes room for new growth. If you pay attention and do a good job of grieving, this will give you a depth and strength of character that will be a powerful resource that you can draw on for the rest of your life. It will make you capable of being a better friend, a better lover, a better daughter, a better parent. These benefits will take awhile to manifest, but trust me, they will come. For right now, just feel the feelings and be as kind and generous and understanding as you can toward yourself and all others who are affected by this tragedy. I'll bear you in my mind and hold you close to my heart.

kazzz · Jun 6, 2007, 08:26 AM

All I have ever wanted was to be happy. That's not much to ask for. Its all hurts so much and I just at a loss as to what to do. Should I go back to work yet. Because of lies that are being told I'm well scared because if any one sees me I know they won't think twice about doing something to me. How am I supposed to get on with my life.

kazzz · Jun 6, 2007, 08:28 AM

Which is going to make my family worry about me even more. If I could move then I would but I cant, I need my family, I need to around them,they are all I've got now.

help2many · Jun 6, 2007, 08:32 AM

My heart goes out to you

kazzz · Jun 9, 2007, 01:37 AM

Hi, I have found out that the funeral is on Tuesday, and I know the time and where. But his family don't know I know. I really feel like I need to go, to pay my last respect and stuff. But I'm scared that they might kick off if I just turn up. Any advice on what to do.please

ordinaryguy · Jun 9, 2007, 04:13 AM

By all means, go to the funeral. Try to avoid the members of his family that are being rude and hateful if you can. Just go for him and for yourself. If there is anyone else who could go with you for moral support, that might help.

kazzz · Jun 9, 2007, 07:14 AM

Thanku, that's what people keep saying, go for him and myself. But I do feel for his family and really don't want to cause them anymore upset.

ordinaryguy · Jun 9, 2007, 10:48 AM

Do what you think is right under the circumstances.

kazzz · Jun 9, 2007, 03:10 PM

I know, its just that I'm so confused I don't know what to do. I know he would want me there but I also know that he wouldn't want his family more upset than they already are, he was the one that sorted out his family and put them in there place. He was everyone's rock.

Bestsinger101 · Jun 9, 2007, 03:45 PM

When my sister ended her own life her ex was apparently in the church. The church was full and neither I nor my mother saw him, nor did we worry if he was there or not. In fact we did not think about anyone else being there, as it was out grief that consumed us, as I am sure will be the case here.

You will be there for him and yourself, if it what feels right for you to go then go with it. There will only be one service.

God bless

kazzz · Jun 10, 2007, 03:04 AM

Thanku, and I understand that. Were you blaming her ex though. Like they are me. And because there will only be one service, I can't get to Wednesday and think I wish I had gone.

Bestsinger101 · Jun 10, 2007, 11:08 AM

Hi Kazzz

There was no blame to give. Emotions ran high but not at anyone in particular, the blame is not yours, nor is it his parents and that will be realised in time, if its not been realised already.
All the very best and I hope you all find your peace.

kazzz · Jun 11, 2007, 09:05 AM

Bit of good news, I got a phone call this morning from his brother, telling me when the is and that its OK to go, but just keep myself to myself.

Bestsinger101 · Jun 11, 2007, 10:45 AM

Hi Kazzz

That is good news, keep strong and take care

kazzz · Jun 12, 2007, 09:41 AM

It was a lovely service. They even put his football teams flag over the coffin. Things did kick off but not with me. He had flowers with no'1 dad, son and bruv. I got him a single blue rose. All the right people were they to.

ordinaryguy · Jun 12, 2007, 10:41 AM

It's really good that you got to go and that it went well without an ugly scene with his family. Bless you, dear. You have a long road to travel in the months and years to come. Pace yourself, and don't despair.

kazzz · Jun 13, 2007, 04:12 AM

Hi, don't know what to do. In one ear I've got some one tellling me to cry and grieve, then in another I have some one saying he is gone dead and buried get over it.then I have others saying do what you feel is right for you. My problem is I isn't got a clue what is right for me any more. I'm all over the place.

J_9 · Jun 13, 2007, 08:20 AM

Oh, sweetie, I feel for you. I too am grieving, I am grieving the death of my father. Not by his own hand, but by nature.

Now, the gireving process is different for everyone. Crying may be right for you, but being strong was right for me.

You will be all over the place for a while, and that is okay. Whatever you feel like doing at the moment is okay.

Don't let people tell you how you should grieve, as it is different for them. For me, reading the reading at church, reading the eulogy, making the funeral plans, that was what got me through it all.

You may want to seek out grief counseling or find a grief support group where everyone there has gone through grief in their own ways. These are VERY helpful.

However you grieve, just know that it is okay.

kazzz · Jun 13, 2007, 02:39 PM

Thanku. I'm tired of crying, I feel exhuasted but I can't seem to sleep no matter how hard I try. I'm tired of all the thinking, and I have tried to stop my mind going all over the place, but I cant. I have never experienced a loss before and I am usually a strong person, you gave adive before on addictions, and maybe if I had listened then I wouldn't be here now.
Doctors have gave me sleeping pills but they is sh*t.
Even though I shouldn't I can't help but still do the what ifs, and the maybe's. And are there spirits and soul or once your dead your dead.
Before all this I used to say to people yes there are souls and stuff and once there soul and spirit has healed they will come back to you,one way or another, but know I just isn't got a clue what to believe in, what's real and what's not.