[1realfriend]

I am a 39 year old women who has been married to the same man for the past 18 years, have children, born again christian and accidentally fell in love with a women. I did not plan it and became very upset and disturbed with the feelings that I had. First I denied them, tried prayer and asked God to forgive my thoughts. This women and I started as friends but then eventually we became more and more attached to one another. We would both get jealous if the other spent time with friends and would question the other on it. I have never really enjoyed sex with men or my husband but did what was of me.

She has been married for 25 years with children and is very successful. Image is everything for her. We both are unhappy in our marriage yet we try not to talk to each other about it. After months of enduring these feeling and asking God to take them away and trying to resist the temptations of dreaming of her and wanting her I shared my feeling and they were mutual. We then had two experiences together one being a romantic lovemaking the other hot passion. After my experiences with her I realized that I never really made love before or experienced passion.

We fell in love. She expressed her love to me and I told her of my love. Both felt very uncomfortable and guilty because we are also married. She has now cut off all contact with me. She will not return my call or emails. She broke my heart but I am healing. I still want her but not going to try anymore. I am currently separated from my husband and know that I should not want these feeling and still pray to have them stopped but it was with her that I was happy, felt alive, felt accepted. Sex was not the only thing I enjoyed about her we had a connection.

I tried to reason with myself that she was there during the brokenness in my marriage but it was not until after my encounter with her that I seriously decided to separate from my husband. I don't feel that God has tuned his back on me and even feel closer than ever because he excepts me other saints would not.

I don't know if I am lesbian or bisexual because I don't look at other women like that. I'm not attracted to other women. Am I in love because I just want her and not anyone else?
What should I do?

[chippers]

First of all, stop asking God to forgive your thoughts. There's nothing wrong with having those feelings. It not a sin to have them. You experienced sex pleasurable sex for the first time and it wasn't with the opposite sex. I think it elated and scared you as well as your friend. She, like you maybe going through the same emotions and is afraid of connecting like that again. . No one can tell you if you are a lesbian or bisexual. For that you need to seek councellling and learn about yourself and deiscover your true preferences. When you do that you can be true to yourself and be truly happy.

[MummaCrash]

Sounds like you love her and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm not against homosexuality, I think there is an abundance of human beings who's sexual preferrance is based on natural feelings, I don't look at the bible as an acceptance guide.

You do what your heart tells you. If you love this woman, stop belittling yourself, you are not doing anything wrong.

You do seem quite religious but what was God telling you before when you were unhappy?
"Stick it out?", if you are this religious remember that God will love you no matter what.
Don't lie to yourself.

Good luck!