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anewchapter · May 25, 2007, 04:59 PM

Hello,
I started writing a big long story of my situation and deleted it because no one wants to hear my babble.

Here is my question. What would be the reprocussions of giving up your parental rights of your 17 year old?

My ex is taking me back to court for child support and although I certainly don't mind paying it, (both my children decided to live with him at one point or another in their later teen years) he lies about how much he makes which leaves me paying 1/3 of my pay towards something he puts in the bank and doesn't even use or give her for girly needs and such.

I feel my daughter knows I love her and will be 18 in less than a year. By doing this I would be able to actually spend that money on her. If I am giving him money (that he doesn't use on her, he literally told me he doesn't need the money and has it in the bank) I am not left with anything to spend on her when she visits every couple of weeks.

Any input on the problems it could bring with an older teen would be much appreciated.

anewchapter · May 25, 2007, 05:06 PM

Originally Posted by anewchapter

Hello,
I started off writing a big long story of my situation and deleted it because no one wants to hear my babble.

Here is my question. What would be the reprocussions of giving up your parental rights of your 17 year old?

My ex is taking me back to court for child support and although I certainly don't mind paying it, (both my children decided to live with him at one point or another in their later teen years) he lies about how much he makes which leaves me paying 1/3 of my pay towards something he puts in the bank and doesn't even use or give her for girly needs and such.

I feel my daughter knows I love her and will be 18 in less than a year. By doing this I would be able to actually spend that money on her. If I am giving him money (that he doesn't use on her, he literally told me he doesn't need the money and has it in the bank) I am not left with anything to spend on her when she visits every couple of weeks.

Any input on the problems it could bring with an older teen would be much appreciated.

By the way, I forgot the biggest part...

My ex told me if I give up my parental rights, I could still see her whenever, but not pay child support. The big issue here is a massive power play on his part and him having the feeling that he won whatever fight he feels there is between us. I said absolutely not at first, but now am thinking it might be better for my daughter in the long run if I do.

Make sense?

ScottGem · May 25, 2007, 05:14 PM

If you read any of the umpteen threads on this issue, you will know this is BS. Giving up parental rights does NOT relieve you of parental responsibility. If you were to relinquish parental rights, then he could stop you from seeing the children (despite his assurances to the contrary) while you would still be required to pay support.

No, giving up parental rights is rarely good for the child, in either the short or long run. The only time it makes sense is if you are ceding rights to a step-parent so they can adopt.

In your case I would fight the support payments. I would make him produce an accounting of where the money goes. I would see if you can get witnesses to his statements about the money.

But forget relinquishing parental rights.

anewchapter · May 25, 2007, 05:35 PM

Thanks.
I have tried to explain to the judge that he lies on his tax returns. The response I got to that was that it is not the courts job to tell if someone is lying or not. If I don't believe him, turn him into the IRS. As much as I can't stand him, I have a problem doing that.

Until I started reading further into these posts, I didn't realize child support had nothing to do with it. Please understand, I have been paying, and paying steadily. I do not have a problem with it. It is the ratio amount that bothers me.

Two months ago he said he would stop the support if the judge would put an order in that I could never ever ask for child support if my kids moved back with me. Of course the judge said he could not do that.

Funny enough I am a court recorder for the Superior Court, Civil Division, but live in another county. The family court judge on this case doesn't choose to see through my ex's bull. Go figure. Ethically I can't even mention I work for the courts because it would create a conflict...

Fr_Chuck · May 25, 2007, 05:44 PM

Yes, most people confuse the issue because if a step parent wants to adopt, then when you "sign over your rights for adoption" the child support ends.

But not if you merely sign over your rights. The state even holds a vested interest in it, since if the other party collects any welfare they will come after the other party for payment.

But as noted what has to happen is you would need to prove by their life style, size of house, house payment, car payments and so on, that they are making more money than stated.

anewchapter · May 25, 2007, 05:55 PM

Thanks Fr_Chuck.
How do you go about getting a Judge to allow you to prove these things... He two or there trucks, 2 people he pays under the table, (My son makes more money than I do) he has a house that he has put additions on, and totally refurbished, he just bought a house in Myrtle Beach, about 2 blocks from the Ocean... the list goes on.

Fr_Chuck · May 25, 2007, 07:13 PM

You introduce those things, property tax records, copies of deeds showing mortages ( all public records) and so on. But most likely you will need an attorney to help present all of this

ScottGem · May 26, 2007, 03:14 AM

Its one thing for a judge to say its not his job to say he lies. If your ex is presenting tax returns that support his income claims, the judge has to accept them unless you can offer proof to the contrary. But that's going to be hard and you REALLY need an attorney to show you what evidence is needed and how to present it.

anewchapter · May 26, 2007, 04:25 AM

Thanks to both of you for your input. I will surely look into it all further.

Ladyviper · May 26, 2007, 05:05 AM

Originally Posted by ScottGem

Its one thing for a judge to say its not his job to say he lies. If your ex is presenting tax returns that support his income claims, the judge has to accept them unless you can offer proof to the contrary. But that's going to be hard and you REALLY need an attorney to show you what evidence is needed and how to present it.

This happened to a friend of mine, her ex was worth over a million but only filed taxes on $23,000 each year. He passed away last September, and she was never able to get anything changed. They went to court numerous times, and each time she was denied because of his tax papers. They went through the process several times over a 5 yr period. Make sure you have everything you can possibly get a hold of before you present anything to the judge, your lawyer will be able to help get some of the things that you may not be able to get on your own.

anewchapter · May 26, 2007, 10:49 AM

I guess there is always hope...

Thanks