[VshowsRM]

I met this guy a few months back, never was interested. We just hung out a few times. And then stopped, and a few weeks back I cheated on my boyfriend of 3 years with him with a random make out session, and oral. My boyfriend and I OBVIOUSLY broke up. And a week later I hung out with this guy again. He had 4 beers, and I just kept him company and then I made the first move. The sex was great, like it swept me off my feet completely. I didn't know what hit me, with the great orgasms. After sex, I grabbed my things and he walked me to my car, and I said, "see ya soon buddy." he didn't call for like 3-4 days, then HE called, left no messg, called twice, no message. So I decided to text him "We should hang out soon, buddy." but he never replied. So now I'm freaking out... what does this mean?

[fix-what-you-broke]

Maybe he has realized you cheated on your partner to be with him,he maybe thinks you will do it to him down the line.you were with him three years and a week after splitting up with him you were with someone else,that's what's probably in his head.
After what you wrote it seems you instigated the whole thing,maybe he was just happy with the sex you gave him so easily,now doesn't want to know.

[smoothy]

The new fruit always seems sweet. But eat the same fruit day after day you may come to realize it really wasn't. Besides most young guys will bang anything that lets them.. ( Hence the term Coyote ugly being coined, where she is so ugly when you wake up you would chew your own arm off just to get away without waking her up, like a Coyote in a trap will do).. doesn't mean they even want to see you again. Its us older guys that realize one night stands while exciting don't provide the most fulfilling type of sex. Many of us could do it, but many of us chose not to in lieu of something deeper that we can have time and time again rather that a wham, bam, thank you mam, one time thing.

[Greg Quinn]

It means there is a good chance this guy has turned you into a slab of sex meat. I hope that you can stop and look at the situation while you are with him next time and see if he treats you with respect. Really be attentive! I am assuming that he would not go out with you based on the fact of the scenario in which the two of you started this. It may also be that you are kind of looking to be hurt subconciously? It just seems you have done a lot in your life to make changes... drastic changes. But of course I don't know how you felt about your X. That may have been something you wanted for a little while, and went about it in a more selfish spontaneous manner. To answer your question from where I stand... Good long lasting relationships are based on trust and honesty. This new guy has seen the opposite in you from while you were with a long term... And was the sole recipient witness to your actions. Not a bad place to be for him, but in the long term, not so good for you. Good luck, I would start fresh BUT>>> 1st talk to the new guy, find out what he thinks and where he really stands. If you can get a hold of him.

[Fr_Chuck]

It means basically if he wants sex again, and is around, and the other girls are not available, and maybe his wife is out of town ( who knows)

It means he did not have to pay you for your service.

[VshowsRM]

Well, to be honest just to clear the air with everyone who replied. Its not like I am searching for another relationship. I was in one for 3 years (and he had been my first and only) with someone in the military and, I know that I would like to be with that person-- but could not continue in a relationship where I only saw them twice a year. With that said, he will be returning from Japan in a year and out of the service--and we are hoping to get back. But in the mean time, I would like to have myself a "sex buddy." Because WAKE UP world, girls have hormones too! And well I just want this guy to be that guy, not my next boyfriend. Anyone who has tips or rules... please let me know. I am so new at this.

[Greg Quinn]

Hello. Are you available for a chat? I replied to your question earlier and hope you never took offence. Japan?? That's a little different. Does he know you are seeing guys now? Or sorry, a guy now?

[VshowsRM]

Yes I am available for chat.

[Greg Quinn]

Ok, Did you take offence?

[VshowsRM]

nO, No offense. At all. You were right, I was a piece of meat--and no matter how much I want EQAULITY in our society, it will not happen, because men can do as they please--but women must obey the social standards set by old traditions... and after a few hook-ups with the guy I realized, hmmm... I am JUST a piece of meat to him, and well he was just a piece of meat to me too. BUT, it bothered me to see his friends look at me when I would leave his house. Everyone knew what had just happened, and I could read their expressions... and they were not good. Of course it is all due to ---ladies should not be premiscous, they should just wait for the perfect man to marry and care for them... yeah, that's not what I want but, actually I cut it off this morning. I lied and said, I was going to start seeing someone and it would not be appropriate for me, to continue hooking up with him--and I also cleared the air letting him know he has just been the perfect person, to try something new after all I had only been with one partner. Alll he wrote to me was "That is cool I guess. Just don't be awkward with me." so I believe it was a success. Will I do this in the future, that I am not too sure...

[Greg Quinn]

I really think that was really mature. But maybe his friends were a little jealous?

[DrJ]

Im pretty sure you have made it clear to this guy that you are not looking for a relationship when you text him and call him "buddy" after what has already happened. How long ago was this anyway? Maybe he is just busy with other plans and other girls?

I was in a very similar situation with a girl a while ago. We would plan to meet up but never could actual find a mutual time. This went on for MONTHS! We both know exactly what both of us wanted... and we definitely wanted it (she is gorgeous!) But it just didn't seem to work out for the longest time. But we kept in touch and eventually it did... maybe it was the anticipation but it was incredible! After that, it was MUCh easier for us to find time for each other but we just had to find that groove first. We continued on until she started getting a little serious with her now boyfriend... at which time, I acted appropriately. That's just the nature of the relationship. Not everyone can do it.

The main thing is in a situation like this is to continue living your life. If you choose to have relationships like these, you have to accept that you are not necessarily the top priority and be patient. If it happens, it happens. If not, make sure you have back up plans ; )

[MummaCrash]

That's the thing with 'Hook-ups'.
You can never be to sure what they will eventuate into.

[VshowsRM]

"UPDATE" I GUESS. So This is ridiculous, because we stopped seeing each other after we hooked up a few months ago. But Hooked up again last week. First let me explain, that he BLEW up my phone with non-stop calls, that I did not return. I was receiving calls at work too. It got out of hand so I thought the torture was enough and I would text him. So I did we "hooked up" again! And AGAIN, I was left wanting more sex. So I text him asking him when we would hook up again. No reply. No call. Text him a week later, "tonight?" no relpy. No call. I text him later that night, "I guess thats a no, see you around town." still no call no reply.

We had sex twice, he came twice--i was not finished but I had places to be so when he got up to get a glass of water I got dressed. He got back walked me to my car and I said "all right bye!" and he scorned me, and I said "what?" and he opened his arms, so I responded "Oh yea! Thanks! (hug)"

I thought we were sex buddies... so why has he not called or replied. Anyone have anyinput?

[smoothy]

Simple he see's you as a booty call, not a friend.

[Greg Quinn]

At this point... You both are getting what you ask for. Thanks for the update and good luck with any STD's or other incidental problems that may arise from being in a relationship like this one.

[kp2171]

He's living his life, getting whatever he gets wherever he gets it and when he needs a special fix he calls you.

Look you can't have it both ways, at least with him. Sure, there might be other guys willing to screw you at a moments notice but he has a pattern of brushing you off.

Is it a power trip? Does he like it that you are frustrated? Is he ashamed? Does he think what he's doing is wrong?

Does it matter? You aren't on the same page. You want pay-per-view-on-demand sex. He isn't interested. Until he is.

Done deal.

You can't make him do what you want. And only you can decide if the sex is worth the headache.

[kp2171]

Look... I've always dated women who were more "progressive" about their sexual desires. I think when a woman puts you to the wall and tells you what she needs, NOW, its pretty much the biggest turn on ever, outside of cheerleaders on firetrucks during a football game in a rainstorm. Make that a beer storm. OK... back to life, back to reality...

But something isn't in synch here. Really two things aren't. You aren't. He isn't. You want to get it when you want it, but he isn't giving it enough... making you all but beg for it. Now, only YOU can decide if its mindblowing enough to freakdial a billion times... but man... there's got to be a point where you buy a vibe, a pack of batteries and tell him to screw himself while you do yours... or... he's just the best damn lay on the planet.

And he... he's out of whack too. He's got a sure fire thing calling him, a person he's gotten off twice to and no complaints, hell you ran out of the place last time (mans wet dream? Orgasm and then left alone?) and he can't find the time to at least lead you on a bit?

I don't know.

Here's my scarey thought. Outside of the whole std thing and all the other noise that comes with casual sex, I'm a little afraid for you. I know a friend who has, reportedly, killer sex with a guy. They can't make a relationship work, but apparently they can wear out the bed springs like no other.

Sad thing is, she's now in her 40's... she's still holding onto this killer sex, and she's mostly alone. Until they hook up again. Like a dozen years now. Its not like she PLANNED it this way...

Now... I KNOW casual stuff happens and you aren't destined to become my friend... but don't, please, becone my friend. No matter how killer the sex, it isn't enough.

And it already isn't enough cause you are pi$$ed. Well, that might be just cause he isn't willing to give you a little fix when you need it and not anything deeper... but expecting him to call you back is an expectation... a string... ties... tethers... not really handcuffs... but you get the point.

Not completely sex buddies and nothing else.

By the way, what is it about the sex that is so killer? That you get off (wait you didn't, did you)? That he's so good (he didn't get you off though, right)? Why is he the best you've had? Indulge us.