[ninahhhdreams]

Help! I met the last BOYFRIEND I SHOULD EVER HAVE! For all the right reasons this man is IT for me... I met him a year ago, he is a wonderful man, tender, loving human being who, like myself left a tumultuous relationship longstanding where we both became parents... we both went through utter hell loving our former mates...

Problem is, I'm cool, easy going, understanding, giver of space, all around sweet, ambitious girl. I'm used to pursuing guys, and this year took a permanent stand to let the man be the agressor(more or less old fashioned now), and I believe that's the way we were created.

Trouble with that, he's a very handsome, affectionate latino, who is used to girls being the aggressor and giving it up more quick than you can blink. I made him respect me and take it slow... yes sometimes during the slow periods, I get frustrated. He claims I "blow up", but who wouldn't when all you really want is more time together. Not like I am puttin him down like his last girl, and being insulting. Clearly, there is a diff!

So I don't know if he is dragging his feet, fell out of love and don't know how/ Won't tell me( I finally broke down at lunch and told him, we need to talk: piss or get off the pot. He thought I was cheating?! Didn't get a straight up "we're done" but he did say he's call me later)so the sagga continues... something better give. I met another terrific latino, and I don't think I can hold him off for long:cool:

Any self proclaimed relationship psychologists out there? Any love pros who could steer me in the right direction. Remember I don't want to lose this guy, but since I'm getting the attention elsewhere...

[Sdjosh]

help! i met the last BOYFRIEND I SHOULD EVER HAVE!! for all the right reasons this man is IT for me...


i met another terrific latino, and i don't think i can hold him off for long:cool:

If he is the right one for you then why are you already thinking about the next man? Not to bust your chops but if he is it then work on it. He thinks you are cheating? Why would he think that or is it this other man you are talking too?

You made him respect you and take it slow but yet you want him to piss or get off the pot? Maybe he is confused like the rest of us.

[talaniman]

I bet you'll take the one that you can control. You aren't in love with either, but attracted to both. When your single you can do what you want.

[fix-what-you-broke]

Sorry I don't have advice for you as I got a bit lost and confused somewhere in your post. I can however give my opinion on something I picked up on...
You should be single right now, and figure out what you want in life as you sound a little confused, I say that because of this... "i met the last BOYFRIEND I SHOULD EVER HAVE!! for all the right reasons this man is IT for me... i met him a year ago, he is a wonderful man, tender, loving human being"... then at the end... "but since im gettin the attention elsewhere....."...
Sorry, but for me, brad pitt could turn up on my door naked with a years supply of condoms and an equal amount of chocolate and I would turn him away gladly because I LOVE THE ONE I AM WITH... see my point?

[ninahhhdreams]

Sorry to confuse, but WOW Talaniman, ease up! The one I can control?? Whoa. Where'd that come from? There are those out there who do try to control, but as I have stated, we came from previous relationships where a lot of controlling was going on by the former partners, where, when we met each other, we were like a breath of fresh air to each other... somewhere something went wrong.
fix-what-you-broke(im trying to do just that!) I can accept any blame on my part, but all I am getting back is that it's all just me... with the 2 steps forward 1 step back, what I meant by that was just when things were going good, he would seemingly get cold feet. I felt like I was his week day girlfriend, but when the weekend came... nothing. He doesn't go out with me, all he does is call. Anyway, how is it that I sound confused?i know who i want and i know what i want, but i feel like my life is on hold just waiting and hoping things will change. while he is out doing things for everybody else, chilling at barbques, playing dominoes, ANYTHING but speding time with me(rememeber, I don't bother him, he has his male bonding time, but rarely anytime for me), I chose to get off my duff and meet people, and met a few nice guys, one in particular I really liked, and I felt the interest was there. About the brad pitt thing, I feel the same way. This has been a year down the road, and I literally sat around most weekends hoping he would have time for me. Then when the new year came in, I had to read the tea leaves... or at least make some decisions.

I hope that clears things up some.

[talaniman]

Sorry nina, I may have taken your aggressive writing style, and emotional fire for control, but I know I'm not mistaken about you speaking your mind, or expressing yourself.

[ninahhhdreams]

Really, no prob!

I posted over on "Has no one got the answer? Get her back" thread, and can feel the many things you and the others were saying. Hope you would still offer your advise!

Ninahhh!

[Tuscany]

If he is it... then he is worth the work. Stop being submissive and waiting for him to do everything. A relationship is a two way street and both have to put in equally. Maybe he feels like he has tried and you have not been forth coming with communication. So now he is doing things on his own.

Also, if he is it then you would not be looking at other guys. You would be working on ways to fix what is broken. (By asking the question that is the first step).

[ninahhhdreams]

Tuscany, I agree. Thus the phone call yesterday. It started light. We can laugh and talk about things, he always asks how my mom and daughter are doing. We talk about his daughter and family who live out of the country. But I did initiate the peace talk, I let him know what was on my mind. He didn't want to talk about that, what little he did say left me feeling like, this is hopeless. And I got off the phone.

It seems right when I started to care about him, is when he started to retreat. When I give up, is when he comes around, but not much... :rolleyes: I need a drastic change. Something different. When I what ever I try doesn't work, I relent... sorta.

[talaniman]

I made him respect me and take it slow... yes sometimes during the slow periods, I get frustrated. He claims I "blow up", but who wouldn't when all you really want is more time together.

He is really unsure, I think, of how to approach you. I don't know but Could he be getting mixed signals?

it seems right when I started to care about him, is when he started to retreat. When I give up, is when he comes around, but not much

Again I thnk he is veryconfused by you.

Just curious as to your age, and I really think you'd be happier single and dating making friends and having fun so you can take your time and get really happy by yourself. I don't see you and this guy on the same page at this time. He may be cute and fun, but not mature enough to know how to handle you. I really think you may be intimadting to him. What do you think? Are you intimadating, and be honest.

[ninahhhdreams]

Intimidating? Like beautiful intimidating? no. I am attractive. Intimidating like bossy and full of myself intimidating? no. I present myself in a way people shouldn't take advantage. I have been told I have a heart of gold, and I am pleasant and loving... curious. What mixed signals?
I am 39.

[talaniman]

You want them to take it slow then when they do you get frustrated during the slow times

Respect me and take it slow... yes sometimes during the slow periods, I get frustrated. He claims I "blow up", but who wouldn't when all you really want is more time together.

Can't have it both ways, and you have to be consistent.

[ninahhhdreams]

No he slowed way way down! It was him who first told me he was OK with taking things slowly(which captured my attention for him), but seeing each other as infrequently as we have been... I have his initial on my calendar (a July 06-june07 school calendar) on all the times I have seen him this year. And it isn't a whole lot! The hay time was back in September.
Then we had a falling out( where he placed us back on friend status). I had just fallen in love with him before the falling out. Then as time went on, I felt things weren't the same just because of an argument!! I asked him in a non pressuring way, if the feeling was not the same, let's move on, but HE didn't want that. He always called me. I became confused because of him! So no pressure. I kept being cordial. A couple of visits in November, thanksgiving he gave me and my mom roses, a teddy bear to my daughter. Once in December and once in January and I isn't seen 'em since!

[ninahhhdreams]

I made a decision, but I am going to wait for your answer to the previous post.

He puts off the bad talk, and wants to ask how's my mom and daughter are, and if I'm light and breezy, we'll really just have a great conversation where he teases and makes me laugh, and he even mentions coming to see me (you know, that thing, that thing, that thing... lol)so I'm the one confused, that's why I was like, yo! This is part of the 2 step dance we keep doing. Then something happens to mess up the dream.

[talaniman]

Seems to me that a little more communication might have fixed that for you, at least get a good sense of where his head is at. But then you alluded to the way other females have treated him, and I can understand why he doesn't see you as much. What do you do for fun, as I assume you work? Many times our life slows down, since we are a little pass the every weekend party stage and we don't circulate as much as we used to, and I think that's the case here as I just don't see this guy with you, and your feelings are deeper than his, not exactly a match, a not enough to be in love, attracted to him, but not love. Forget the guys and have fun my gosh, HE will find you so why try to force what don't fit.

[ninahhhdreams]

OK quick and easy females as opposed to making something work... as far as what I do for fun, sky's the limit. I love and do many things. The weather's getting nicer, so I will be out more. No, love was back then, foolish is how I feel now.

So yes, my resolve is to get on with it. And with that last phone call, that was me pretty much letting him know I'm dating and that I'm putting a fork in it for good. No need to call me just to see how I'm doing. And my feeling's the same: he will find me. But how much time should I put between or should I answer anytime he calls? Or should I even bother anymore?

[talaniman]

Honestly his lack of trying to be with you, put me off, and that's why I answered as I did. If he does't call... scratch him off the list. Just my opinion but a few times a year is not exactly a sign he is interested.