[x aud pod x]

I really need someone’s advice! Sorry this is so long but please if you want to help me just read it all the way through. I would really appreciate hearing some input on what to do. Thank you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 10 months now and I’m watching our relationship fall apart due to my jealousy/self-conscious-ness, and lack of trust. When we first started dating, everything was perfect. We were completely in love with each other and he made me feel so important and like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He made me feel so good about myself. After the first few months, things changed and I no longer felt the way I did when we first began our relationship. He used to call me beautiful every single day and now I’m lucky if I even get a “you look cute” out of him. Cute? That’s a name you would call a five year old girl, not your girlfriend…right? The names he calls me when we get into an argument are extremely disrespectful. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s right to call you’re girlfriend a “stupid .” He has changed so much, I don’t know if it is because of a change in friends or because he is just sick of me, but he is not the same person that I fell in love with and the passion I saw in him is completely gone.
As for my jealousy, it all began when he made a comment about some other girl’s big breasts and big butt. It was completely uncalled for and just a mean thing to say in front of your girlfriend. It’s not like I comment on guy’s body parts. When he said that comment I completely changed. I became really self- conscious and jealous because I don’t have the things he commented about. I don’t have a big chest or a big butt. I feel like maybe my body parts aren’t good enough for him. Every time I saw the girl he made the comment about I would always say, “oh, theres you’re girlfriend,” or something stupid like that. Everyday we got into fights because I would always ask, “ did you sit with her in study hall today?” or “did you check her out today?” He always denied checking her out, even though I knew he did. I nagged him for months and months until finally just the other day he admitted to thinking that she does have nice “parts” It really just broke my heart to know that he had been lying to try to avoid more fights and to know that he really thinks this girl is “hott.” I feel so ugly. Am I the only one who gets really angry at the thought of her boyfriend checking out other girls and thinking they have nice breasts? If he was really satisfied with me he wouldn’t be noticing other girls body parts, right? He always tells me to just forget he ever said that because it happened so long ago, but I will never forget it and it will always haunt me to know that my boyfriend likes some other girls body parts that I won’t ever have. It makes me really sad every time I think about it. I am so extremely jealous now. It’s getting to the point where I’m even jealous of him talking to a girl who he told me not to worry about because he wouldn’t think twice about dating or liking her. I still worry because he lied to me about what he thought about some girl, so he would obviously lie to me about liking someone.
Now for the lack of trust part. He has lied to me many times, but one night we had a really big fight about him being online. I felt I couldn’t trust him, so I got his passwords for e-mail and myspace to see if he was really telling the truth or leaving some things out that I should know about. I can’t believe I did that, it was completely wrong and I feel crazy for doing it. I went on his e-mail and everything was going fine until I noticed that he had created a new myspace and I saw a new password request for a screen name that he hadn’t given me before. I went online, added the screen name to my buddy list and sure enough, five minutes later he signed on. I called him and just completely flipped out and he played it off like it was no big deal and didn’t know what I was mad about. After all this time of swearing up and down that he hadn’t been online ever and he didn’t have a new screen name, I found out that he had been completely lying to me. After a little while, I approached him about it in a calm manner and he still denied being online. He swore and promised me that he was not online and I had to scream and cry to him before he would admit it. We spent two to three hours fighting about lying to me that night. I kind of regret going on his e-mail and wished I didn’t have to do it and I could have just trusted him. Yet, at the same time I’m kind of glad I did it because if I hadn’t, he probably would still be lying to me about it to this day. I know that he was lying to avoid a fight (because I get jealous when he goes online, not knowing who he talks to), but that still doesn’t make lying to me acceptable. Another time that also really bothered me was when a girl text messaged him and he told me it was this boy he plays hockey with. I recognized the persons name from a myspace and knew damn well that it wasn’t a boy, it was some girl. I found it really hard to trust him after those lies. If he lied about stupid things like that, I can’t even imagine what else he lies about.
Another thing that bothers me is that he still talks to and sits with his ex-girlfriend that he dated right before me. It’s a weird situation. At first, he said he liked me a lot and I started to like him a lot too, then he just shut me down by starting to date this girl. He basically picked her over me and I guess I’m kind of afraid he will do it again. It makes me feel so uncomfortable when he talks to her and plays basketball with her and stuff. I told him how much it bothers me but he hasn’t even tried to change anything. He just says he's not interested in her and that I need get over it and stop being so jealous. It’s pretty hard to just get over it seeing I can’t trust him.
Anyway, I just feel so sad and crazy. I feel like I’m controlling him, even though I don’t mean to. I made him delete his myspace because I saw that he was talking to girls that I didn’t know and telling him that I don’t want him online because I feel he won’t tell me the truth about who he’s talking to. I feel like he doesn’t even care about our relationship and doesn’t want to try and help us fix things. It’s like he’s blaming all my jealousy issues on me when he’s the one who triggered it in the first place. I’ve tried to have a one on one conversation with him about the whole thing, but he just doesn’t listen and gets all defensive and we end up fighting every time. I feel so out of control and confused. I don’t know what to do. It’s gotten so bad that we recently broke up over it and he says he can’t see himself dating me ever again, although he still tells me he loves me. I feel like he’s using me, telling me that we aren’t going to date but yet he still wants to engage in sexual activities with me…do you think that he is using me? I just want some input on what I should do and what you think about our situation. I’ve been trying to get over him but its so hard because I love him so much and I really don’t want our relationship to end. I can’t move on no matter how hard I try because I think of all the fun we used to have and all the things we did together. I feel so attatched to him. I cry about this every night and I’m so sick of it. I really need someone to talk to and to help me get through this. Please leave some advice for me on what I should do. Should I just forget about him or keep trying to fix things even though he probably won't try? Thank you for your responses and taking time to read this. :)

[talaniman]

If you drop this zero, and cut all ties to him, yor life would be much better. After putting up with all that, I would be jealous and insecure too. If you want to move on, think of the way he abused you. And at the end he was trying to abuse you sexually. Don't just move on, get a one way ticket away from him. Heal and work on yourself, before you jump into another relationship.

[gypsy456]

Sometimes love is not enough...

If you are as controlling and jealous as you describe here then I can imagine that at some point it would have been too much for your boyfriend.
Jealousy is killing for your own spirit and a relationship.
It makes you sabotage what could have been good...

You have to work on yourself and see where your jealousy comes from.
Jealousy equals insecurity.
Insecurity equals fear.
And you cannot and should not want to live in fear.

Your boyfriend commenting on a girl with big breasts ?
He is a guy.
My husband will comment on a beautiful girl.. and it's OK.
I will look at a goodlooking man and point it out to him.
When you are in a relationship where trust prevails and you are not insecure about yourself that should be possible.
There has to be a balance.

With overly jealous behaviour we can push the one we love into the arms of another one.
It will possibly make your worst fears come true.
You have to learn to deal with this issue because not only will it ruin this relationship but also your own life...

Everybody is a little jealous.
That is healthy.
But the moment it takes over it becomes incredibly unhealthy.
For both people who are in the relationship.

I am not saying that your boyfriend has done nothing wrong.
But you are the one who tells us here about your jealousy and controlling matters, so I put you first :)

Work on yourself...

Good luck.

[gypsy456]

Sorry.. I forgot to say.

I have a feeling that this boyfriend is not really good.
He has done a lot of things that I think are unacceptable and if I were you I would be out.

But... you seem to be struggling with jealousy issues.

All the best

[lmnotok]

But, you have to understand something here: when you drive someone into a corner, they tend to protect themselves like lying or doing stupid things, that's human's psychology. In this situation, I think your jealousy was driving him into the lying part. You are acting so needy and desperate. That's your part to fix.
I think you guys should stay apart for a while, I don't mean break up forever, but long enough to find trust and love again.
Keep on nagging each other and questioning and stuff only makes things worse.

[0923]

In my opinon, if you really want this relationship to work your going to have to trust and I know that he has lied to you... but if you say you love him then that shouldn't be a problem for when you love someone you keep no records of wrongs for it hurts you. And the same with him if he has to lie to you to keep you that is just being a coward and if it does hurt your feelings and you leave him well that is something he is going to have to accept... Relationships aren't perfect and you go through many trials but that's what makes it grow and become stonger... I hope I've helped you Good Luck!!

[drivemecrazy]

I use to be jealous of my husband and even told him that if he wanted to look, do it without me around. He would look at woman and then have a smirk on his face. After a while it got really old. The feelings and love I had for him went down hill. I think he knows that I don't care as much because he has began to physically and mentally hurt me. We have been together for 4 years and now this. I still have bruises all on my body and I cry when I look in the mirror and see what jealousy has caused.

[aimz]

I really need someone’s advice! Sorry this is so long but please if you want to help me just read it all the way through. I would really appreciate hearing some input on what to do. Thank you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 10 months now and I’m watching our relationship fall apart due to my jealousy/self-conscious-ness, and lack of trust. When we first started dating, everything was perfect. We were completely in love with each other and he made me feel so important and like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. He made me feel so good about myself. After the first few months, things changed and I no longer felt the way I did when we first began our relationship. He used to call me beautiful every single day and now I’m lucky if I even get a “you look cute” out of him. Cute? That’s a name you would call a five year old girl, not your girlfriend…right? The names he calls me when we get into an arguement are extremely disrespectful. I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s right to call you’re girlfriend a “stupid .” He has changed so much, I don’t know if it is because of a change in friends or because he is just sick of me, but he is not the same person that I fell in love with and the passion I saw in him is completely gone.
As for my jealousy, it all began when he made a comment about some other girl’s big breasts and big butt. It was completely uncalled for and just a mean thing to say in front of your girlfriend. It’s not like I comment on guy’s body parts. When he said that comment I completely changed. I became really self- conscious and jealous because I don’t have the things he commented about. I don’t have a big chest or a big butt. I feel like maybe my body parts aren’t good enough for him. Everytime I saw the girl he made the comment about I would always say, “oh, theres you’re girlfriend,” or something stupid like that. Everyday we got into fights because I would always ask, “ did you sit with her in study hall today?” or “did you check her out today?” He always denied checking her out, even though I knew he did. I nagged him for months and months until finally just the other day he admitted to thinking that she does have nice “parts” It really just broke my heart to know that he had been lying to try to avoid more fights and to know that he really thinks this girl is “hott.” I feel so ugly. Am I the only one who gets really angry at the thought of her boyfriend checking out other girls and thinking they have nice breasts? If he was really satisfied with me he wouldn’t be noticing other girls body parts, right? He always tells me to just forget he ever said that because it happened so long ago, but I will never forget it and it will always haunt me to know that my boyfriend likes some other girls body parts that I won’t ever have. It makes me really sad everytime I think about it. I am so extremely jealous now. It’s getting to the point where I’m even jealous of him talking to a girl who he told me not to worry about because he wouldn’t think twice about dating or liking her. I still worry because he lied to me about what he thought about some girl, so he would obviously lie to me about liking someone.
Now for the lack of trust part. He has lied to me many times, but one night we had a really big fight about him being online. I felt I couldn’t trust him, so I got his passwords for e-mail and myspace to see if he was really telling the truth or leaving some things out that I should know about. I can’t believe I did that, it was completely wrong and I feel crazy for doing it. I went on his e-mail and everything was going fine until I noticed that he had created a new myspace and I saw a new password request for a screen name that he hadn’t given me before. I went online, added the screen name to my buddy list and sure enough, five minutes later he signed on. I called him and just completely flipped out and he played it off like it was no big deal and didn’t know what I was mad about. After all this time of swearing up and down that he hadn’t been online ever and he didn’t have a new screen name, I found out that he had been completely lying to me. After a little while, I approached him about it in a calm manner and he still denied being online. He swore and promised me that he was not online and I had to scream and cry to him before he would admit it. We spent two to three hours fighting about lying to me that night. I kind of regret going on his e-mail and wished I didn’t have to do it and I could have just trusted him. Yet, at the same time I’m kind of glad I did it because if I hadn’t, he probably would still be lying to me about it to this day. I know that he was lying to avoid a fight (because I get jealous when he goes online, not knowing who he talks to), but that still doesn’t make lying to me acceptable. Another time that also really bothered me was when a girl text messaged him and he told me it was this boy he plays hockey with. I recognized the persons name from a myspace and knew damn well that it wasn’t a boy, it was some girl. I found it really hard to trust him after those lies. If he lied about stupid things like that, I can’t even imagine what else he lies about.
Another thing that bothers me is that he still talks to and sits with his ex-girlfriend that he dated right before me. It’s a weird situation. At first, he said he liked me a lot and I started to like him a lot too, then he just shut me down by starting to date this girl. He basically picked her over me and I guess I’m kinda afraid he will do it again. It makes me feel so uncomfortable when he talks to her and plays basketball with her and stuff. I told him how much it bothers me but he hasn’t even tried to change anything. He just says hes not interested in her and that I need get over it and stop being so jealous. It’s pretty hard to just get over it seeing I can’t trust him.
Anyway, I just feel so sad and crazy. I feel like I’m controlling him, even though I don’t mean to. I made him delete his myspace because I saw that he was talking to girls that I didn’t know and telling him that I don’t want him online because I feel he won’t tell me the truth about who he’s talking to. I feel like he doesn’t even care about our relationship and doesn’t want to try and help us fix things. It’s like he’s blaming all my jealousy issues on me when he’s the one who triggered it in the first place. I’ve tried to have a one on one conversation with him about the whole thing, but he just doesn’t listen and gets all defensive and we end up fighting every time. I feel so out of control and confused. I don’t know what to do. It’s gotten so bad that we recently broke up over it and he says he can’t see himself dating me ever again, although he still tells me he loves me. I feel like he’s using me, telling me that we aren’t gonna date but yet he still wants to engage in sexual activities with me…do you think that he is using me? I just want some input on what I should do and what you think about our situation. I’ve been trying to get over him but its so hard because I love him so much and I really don’t want our relationship to end. I can’t move on no matter how hard I try because I think of all the fun we used to have and all the things we did together. I feel so attatched to him. I cry about this every night and I’m so sick of it. I really need someone to talk to and to help me get through this. Please leave some advice for me on what I should do. Should I just forget about him or keep trying to fix things even though he probably wont try? Thank you for your responses and taking time to read this. :)

Hey... ino you wrote this message a while ago now but I am new to this thing. Everything you have said is totally write your not in the wrong at all, I am exactly the same I'm so jelous of my boyfriend when he chats to other girls or even looks at another girl it kills me! Hop to hear from you soon.

[lalaberry]

hey we got the same problems here!
exactly the same =(
I hope we can talk and share it later.

thanks.