[nowatkins]

I have been married for 11 years. I am very much in love with my wife still. I have known a friend of mine for over 20 years. I really want to leave her alone. She is also married. She is very persistent on seeing each other. I have tried and tried. But she will not go away. Every time I see her it turns into sex somehow. My wife doesn't know yet. I almost told her but I didn't. I know what comes around goes around.

To be honest I think my friend is a goof ball and she gets on my nerve. I know she isn't worth my marriage. And I want to leave her alone. Sometimes I let her have it over the phone, and we don't communicate for months. But then it happens again. I know for a fact I don't have the slightest bit of love for her. Actually I dislike her and blame her for all the flings.

As you can see I confused and want to get her out of my life today.

I just need some help. I have three daughters and I don't want them to know their fathers does this. I don't want them to think it acceptable. I feel so bad that I have to tell eventually. I don't want to hurt my wife or daughters. Neither do I want them to look at me differnetly.

[Fr_Chuck]

You are lying to yourself, if you don't want to have anything to do with her, just don't, don't call and tell her off, don't see her, just don't

[darkness1970us]

First. Drop this other chick. Don't answer her calls, don't see her, don't talk to her, don't think about her. If you want to stop the affair, then stop it. You are in control here.

Which brings me to my second point. You have nobody to blame in this but yourself. Things "turning into sex somehow" is as much you as it is her. Pointing fingers is what children do. Grow up and take some responsibility.

Third. Tell your wife what has happened. You screwed the pooch on this, now be the bigger man and own up to your mistakes. It isn't going to be easy, and it might be the end of your marriage, but it will definitely be the end of your marriage when she finds out on her own (and she will) years down the road.

Sorry that I'm not more optomistic, but fact of the matter is that you have started down a very slippery slope, and the only way to climb back up is to get off this path. Good luck. I really do hope that you get through this without too much damage to your marriage.

[nowatkins]

Thanks for your reply. Man, this is like swallowing a brick.

[fix-what-you-broke]

Put yourself in your wife's shoes.. imagine if your wife came to you and told you she had been sleeping with someone on a regular basis,would that be OK with you? Would you forgive her?
All I can say is be honest with her,she will either forgive you or not.I don't know.only you know your wife.
Women have a hard enough time as it is trying to believe all men aren't cheaters.. if your daughters find out about this that belief will be confirmed forever.
Cut all contact with the "friend",if she calls tell her ONCE that its over and that you have realized that you do not want to break up your marriage so you would appreciate it if she wouldn't contact you again, if she won't listen hang up the phone and forget her.
She will do one of two things.. respect your wishes and understand that she could also loose her husband, or she will be the scorned woman and try to tell your wife.
Tell your wife and whatever happens you will have to reap the consequenses of your actions.
Maybe in the future you could quit sleeping with the ones you claim to dislike, and stick to sleeping with who you love.. ie your wife... good luck.

[fix-what-you-broke]

How`d it go?

[nowatkins]

I haven't told my wife. I did tell the other one how I felt. She had been thinking and feeling the same thing but was afraid to say it. She also said she would not contact in any way and that she understood where I was coming from.
I will never wake this creature again. It will sleep forever.

My wife is going to be a different story though!?

[fix-what-you-broke]

Yes I'm guessing so!
As a woman I would rather know if my man is/has been cheating, then I can make my own mind up on weather or not to stay with him, right now your wife doesn't know and that's not fair on her.

[tobeamiss]

When my husband cheated on me last year, he has said over and over that he's sorry and wish to hell it had never happened. He said he was going to tell me, but I found out first. I've made his life a living hell for the last year. Checking up on him, accusing, threatening to leave, not forgiving, not believing a thing he says... ( I do believe this is normal post traumatic stress behaviour ) I don't have a lot of respect for him anymore but he doesn't know this.
Anyway, sometimes I think that I wish I had never found out. Maybe I would have been better off. Maybe I would still love him with all my heart and admire him like I used to and I'd be a happier person today. Now, I cry every day and wish for days gone by... lost days... and truthfully don't know if I'll stay.
Maybe this has helped you a little? If this woman truly won't contact you anymore, and if you're being honest and really don't want to see her, then maybe it's something you can take to the grave.

[MummaCrash]

You know what would suck? If the other woman came to you and said, "I'm pregnant with your baby".

END it now!

[talaniman]

What's worse than lying to your wife? Lying to yourself? Unless she put a gun to your head and raped you, you went along willingly and got your rocks off. So blaming the other woman is crap, on your part. Drop the sad sack routine, it is innaproprite and truly disgusting. Own up to your own actions, at least to yourself, and end this outside your marriage BS.

[tobeamiss]

Whats worse than lying to your wife? Lying to yourself? Unless she put a gun to your head and raped you, you went along willingly and got your rocks off. So blaming the other woman is crap, on your part. Drop the sad sack routine, it is innaproprite and truly disgusting. Own up to your own actions, at least to yourself, and end this outside your marriage BS.

It is bull. I think that men that cheat are just confused about what they really want and hurt many along the way of finding that out.

You shouldn't have gotten married in the first place if you weren't totally devoted to your wife.

[tobeamiss]

Hmmm, no comment?

[benn11]

Come onnn! You are grown men and don't tell me that you can't control yourself. It is not like she is taking your d**k and forcing you to do it.

If you don't like her let it go, and do yourself a favor keep the whole experience to yourself because you don't want to involve your family in this and loose more than your dignity. If you love your wife, keep it away from her!

[talaniman]

hmmm, no comment?

He may be to busy swallowing bricks, to come back here.

[tobeamiss]

He's a coward.