[sphyncx]

Hello, I'm a 21 year old that had things in his life straightened out. I have hobbies and attempt to keep myself busy. My girlfriend that I've been seeing for the past 5 months, I am in love with, and she loves me too. We have a great relationship. However, the most little things set me off and I do not know why. In past relationships I never seemed to care about the same things that I am now getting upset about. One minute I'm fine the next I'm sad/angry.

For example: "i'm going to go to a club tomorrow with my girlfriends"

I fully trust this girl, I've gone a club with her before and had a great time, and I know that she won't dance with other guys or cheat on me. Yet it still seems to get to me.

Or another example: I asked her to do something and then she didn't do it

I don't know how we got on the subject of it but I asked her to show me how much she loved me (yeah I don't know either but I said it). Anyway, she didn't do it even though she said she had something in mind, and even I forgot about it until later on in the next week. I don't understand what's with me.

-----
One thing I wish I had was more friends, I have about 3-4 people I call friends. I don't know where to meet new people, and the school I go doesn't really have much going on, but they have a good program which is why I'm there. I think the friend issue is why I might get upset about me not going out and she does.

I don't know... I hope this makes sense... feel free to ask questions if I'm unclear.

Question is: this normal? What is my problem here?

[mckenzie134]

No propblem here.
Just don't worry at all if she goes out there is nothing you can do. ITS CALLED TRUST EITHER YOU HAVE IT OR YOU GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!! It's that SIMPLE...

[moomin007]

Hi Sphyncx,
I think you sound perfectly normal (whatever that maybe! Lol).
You are still young at 21 so don't worry. If you want more friends, join a club, get a hobby, go to church. My experince tells me that you can probably count the number of true friends on the fingers of one hand throughout your life anyway. People will come & go as needed.
Trust is a hard thing to deal with for everyone. It's easy until that trust has been broken then it becomes harder.
You said you had things 'straightened out'? Maybe there are still some issues there?
Anyway, you sound fine. Enjoy being young while you can... it sooooooon speeds away!!

God bless!
Moomin
:)

[Jiser]

Without trust a relationship is nothing. Unless you have any naggling doubts or suspicions with any hard evidence to back it up? Insecurities can destroy a relationship and make you appear more clingy - naturally your partner will withdraw.

Clubbing = your probably going to dance with someone else, its just harmless fun when your drunk. Unless more is going on? It depends what levels you trust your girlfriend at and what you expect from her as not all girls like clubbing. Unfortunately at the age she's at though its going to happen and you have to accept it. Why not go clubbing with your friends? Or go out more, do a few more hobbies or sports - great way to meet people.

Please don't make her your life. She's an important part of it but not the whole part, don't tell her do things, "show me how much you love me!" That is bad, women don't want any weakness. Find a new passion which isin't her and you may find she starts wanting more of you.

[sphyncx]

Thank you, I'll keep those replies into consideration... I think maybe they might just be insecurities or something like that.

[Sdjosh]

I have to agree... trust is a big thing.

All my friends that are girls that go to the club with other friends don't go there to hook up or dance with guys. They go to dance with each other and enjoy the music. Haha... its funny but sad to see at the same time. Guys will come up and try to get in this circle of dancing girls and get totally dissed.

Put your mind at ease. You have to learn that you can't control anyone's actions... only your own. The only thing you are going to do by showing these weaknesses is push her away. If that's something you don't want to do... get a more hobbies. Anything.

The most important thing you can to in your life is

Keep working on yourself as a person. Never be dependent upon anyone or anything for your happiness. True mental strength comes from being a whole person.

[talaniman]

I think you are recognising the limits of your outside activities and wish they could improve, which I think is a great idea. Explore new activities or hobbies you've never tried, golf is great and fishing. Volunteer work will flip your mind, and change the way you see the world. Be creative and persistent.

[snuffy]

hello, i'm a 21 year old that had things in his life straightened out. i have hobbies and attempt to keep myself busy. my girlfriend that i've been seeing for the past 5 months, i am in love with, and she loves me too. we have a great relationship. however, the most little things set me off and i do not know why. in past relationships i never seemed to care about the same things that i am now getting upset about. one minute i'm fine the next i'm sad/angry.

for example: "i'm going to go to a club tomorrow with my girlfriends"

i fully trust this girl, i've gone a club with her before and had a great time, and i know that she wont dance with other guys or cheat on me. yet it still seems to get to me.

or another example: i asked her to do something and then she didn't do it

i dont know how we got on the subject of it but i asked her to show me how much she loved me (yeah i dont know either but i said it). anyways, she didn't do it even tho she said she had something in mind, and even i forgot about it until later on in the next week. i dont understand what's with me.

-----
one thing i wish i had was more friends, i have about 3-4 people i call friends. i dont know where to meet new people, and the school i go doesn't really have much going on, but they have a good program which is why i'm there. i think the friend issue is why i might get upset about me not going out and she does.

i dont know...i hope this makes sense...feel free to ask questions if i'm unclear.

question is: this normal? what is my problem here?

I had the same problem, only in the last 3 weeks and it quickly and suddenly destroyed my relationship. I was dumped 2 days ago.

I got pissed off that she wanted to go out clubbing and kicked up a fuss. She said its clear you don't trust me. Well I do and I did.

But I do not know why I kicked up the whole fuss. It is without doubt what killed the desire to be with me.

I did backtrack and apologise to her after the argument and said I fully trus her. But the damage was done.

Do no tmake this mistake. It made me come acorss as weak needy clingy and inscure and messed up everything.

That is why I now know I have to be able to move on. I want her back but I do not bank on it.

I will not contact her and if nothing comes about it then que sera sera.

I have a feeling/intuition that after a while of no contact and going out myself and showing I don't care that I may be able to restore this and get her back.

Again it is not my be all and end all.


I'm glad you have managed to get her back (or appear to have almost managed it.)

[KelseyBom]

You don't need to end the relationship... yes you are "normal"... you have jealousy issues just like most people do... though yours may be more severe... you need to get ahold on your jealousy... I rarely recommend doing this, but it helped me... I read up on jealousy issues and even got *gasp* a self help book on jealousy... it really did help me. Maybe you need to do a little research to see how you can better control these negative feelings. Because it's not just with this girl... it'll be with any relationship you have... better fix it now!