[Sdjosh]

Ive been taking your advice and just enjoying her company. I just take each day as it comes and try to laugh as much as possible.

Im meeting her and some friends after work here in an hour for happy hour and drinks.

[Sdjosh]

Everything seems to be going well. Im leaving today to drive up and see her. She seems happier than in a long time... and excited to see me.

Things will go well... I know. I need to go slow though. In this process of being on my own again I too and trying to be a stronger person. I am still working on me. But I love spending time with her... I just make no promises right now because... like her I need to focus on being happy with just being me.

Ill keep you guys informed.

[talaniman]

Have a great time and make sure she does also.

[Sdjosh]

Well... I went up to see her at her house and we had a great time. She was talking about how nice it would be if I moved in with her. She even showed me the house where she will be moving. It has a garage... which is a plus if I did decide to move. (I have 3 motorcycles)

So we were driving down the road in her car just talking... and she says that she things she wants a boyfriend again... jokingly I ask if she is taking applications. She says sure. I ask her if she has anyone in mind and she says yeah. I ask who is first on the list and she says me. Then I ask who is last... and she says me. I just smile and look away... I playfully told her I would think about it.

She totally came out of nowhere with that. Never would have expected her to ask me to be her boyfriend. But it was fun and playful.

Im not sure what to do right now. I know that I could move up there and be with her but I don't think I'm ready.

I still feel like I need more time to myself. To figure out what and who I am... and where my life is going. So I'm going to take it slow with her. Try to strengthen our friendship and maybe relationship. See how it goes from there. Just take baby steps.

[talaniman]

Have fun and even though its looking good say alert and make sure she is having a great time.

[IloveNoahWest]

I have recently have been in the same situation with my daughters father. I am kind of like your girlfriend. Sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants. There may even be another guy involved or at least someone she has her eye on but is waiting to see what happens with him before she makes a move. I have been there. She isn't going to tell you if there is someone else she is interested in either. I used to do this to my daughters father. It was just good to have someone there on the side to fall back on. She is just likeing the fact that you are there. She wants the best of both worlds. Be careful. Sounds like you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

[Sdjosh]

I have recently have been in the same situation with my daughters father. I am kind of like your girlfriend. Sounds like she really doesn't know what she wants. There may even be another guy involved or at least someone she has her eye on but is waiting to see what happens with him before she makes a move. I have been there. She isn't going to tell you if there is someone else she is interested in either. I used to do this to my daughters father. It was just good to have someone there on the side to fall back on. She is just likeing the fact that you are there. She wants the best of both worlds. Be careful. Sounds like you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

At first she didn't really know what she wanted. Which was the reason why she left. I appreciate your post but I don't agree with you that she has an eye on anyone else. I know it is hard for people to believe it but she is a brutally honest person. She would rather tell the truth and face the consequences than lie. Besides... she asked me to be her boyfriend and to move there to be with her. Doesn't sound like someone who is looking to keep me as a fall back guy.

[mckenzie134]

Spot on your back in take it slow andenjoy our time.

[rol]

Yeah I think it sounds fantastic,
Let her find her independence and strength and you find yours!
Im sure this could be the best thing that ever happened to both of you.

[Sdjosh]

Been such a long time since I've posted up here. Here is a Update to the situation.

Since July, I was unable to go and see her due to some work I had in another country. But I came back just in time for Labor day weekend so I Jetted up there for some time off.

Wow was it so damn fun. Friday she had to work so I borrowed her car to go to the gym. I grabbed some food to meet her for lunch at her school. She teaches 8th grade. We had our food and talked. By that time the kids were coming back from lunch and I was getting ready to leave when she asked me to stay. I helped her grade some papers and clean up after the kids left. It was the first time in 7 years that I actually got to see her work... and even help. I really enjoyed it.

After that we meet her mom and sister at our favorite mexican food joint for my birthday. We had so much good food and fun. Haha... they even embarrassed me by telling the restaurant that it was my birthday. So they came out to sing and put this huge sombrero on my head.

Saturday

We packed up and drove up to Monterey to visit her family for the weekend. Meeting the dad's new fiancé. But on the way we stop at this huge mall where her sister blows about $3k on a new laptop... Louie Vuitton purse and clothes for me on my birthday. I was blown away by how much she spent. Her and her sister kept bringing me clothes to try on. I felt like a Ken dress up doll... but I enjoyed it. I made them laugh with some of the clothes I was trying on. Acting stupid.

Then... we checked into the hotel and drove over to her aunt's beautiful house on Pebble Beach. We had food... drinks... and laughed. Her family was great. I never get the chance to hang out with her dad's side of the family but I so enjoyed it.

Sunday

We hung out again... had lunch with her father, sister, brother, and the new fiancé. Little weird but we made it through OK. Then we hit up the beach in Santa Cruz. Then drove back to the aunts for dinner and drinks. We stayed there so late laughing and joking. I actually fell asleep on the couch and woke up as my girlfriend sat in my lap.

Monday

We went back to the beach and absorbed the sun. Grabbed some great pizza. Then we drove back home. She had to plan her lessons for school the next day so we were up late.

Tuesday

I guess knowing that I was leaving made me a little cranky. I didn't want to go so my mood wasn't the best. But we had dinner and went shopping for her groceries. Then chilling at the house before my flight we kind of had a small talk about stuff I wish I hadn't of brought up. She was understanding though and said it was something we had to work on. So she drove me to the airport and she was sad to see me go. She was telling me to be safe... to call her when I got home. That she loved me.

Not exactly how I wanted the weekend to end... bringing up some old issues. Im pretty damn irritated with myself about it. But there is nothing I can do except try to understand it myself and work on it.

The good news out of all this is that she was making comments about me moving there. She was trying to give me ideas on different jobs I could do. Even said that she would support me while I go back to school.

[Sdjosh]

Oh... forgot to mention that she is coming up in October for her school break. We were supposed to go to Hawaii during this time but it fell through. My job has me flying out for japan during part of her time off so I couldn't plan a proper vacation. So I'm making the time she has her so fun. My goal is for us to just laugh our butts off... have fun...

[samesame]

Glad to hear Sdjosh, Sounds like you're a pretty lucky guy and on the right track. Wouldn't say you're out of the woods yet though, because it still sounds like there are still eggshells on the ground. Don't be so hard on yourself, just learn from it and don't do it again, you're still doing well. Your plan sounds good and have fun, but I don't think you'll be 100% ever again unless you guys figure out the distance thing. Anyway, whatever you're doing keep it up, because it's got you this far (further than most).

[cpalmist]

In Politics, you accuse your opponent of your own worst faults.

In relationships, you tend to accuse the other person of your own sins. The 'I can't trust you!' is pulling a major card out of the deck from the get-go so is really suspect.

A lot of couples break up on graduation as it is like beginning a new phase of life.

A couple of things here - you've been together for 7 yrs so you are in the '7 Year Itch' thing of when most relationships break up due to one or more of the parties needing some change that they aren't getting in the relationship.

You've taken a broken person and bought their books and got them through school and they've graduated in more than one way. Don't need you anymore. I want to see what I can get now on my own. However, still keeping you in reserve like an ATM for cash, moral support, leverage ('oh, I got me a boyfriend in xxxx already') and is probably planning on letting wind down like an old watch so she won't be the perp in the relatives/friends eyes (I think he just lost interest since I was over here - tell you the truth, I think he met somebody else... and after I've given him the Best Years of My Life!). I can hear it now.
History gets rewritten to fit the occasion/excuse.

Go stand in front of a mirror and see if you can see 'SUCKER' written on your forehead. Or you can call it, 'Mr. Nice Guy', 'I really love her and know she'll be back', or 'she's just confused right now.'

Have a few drinks with some wimmen friends and describe your situation, 'I have this friend and he has this girlfriend... ' and listen to what they have to say. Wimmen are pretty cold blooded about these things so you'll get the down and dirty on it and in short order.

I know this may sound a bit harsh and I'm sorry about that. Probably no harsher or colder than to have a former lover think of you as a chump that she can play with long distance to massage her ego/entertain herself/practice her moves on.

Whatever you do, get your backbone and balls back from whomever/wherever you left them and get on with life. There are some great wimmens out there that will treat you right so go get'em, Tiger!

Please to rate as I get 3 free chances in the Big Raffle coming up.

[samesame]

A lot of couples break up on graduation as it is like beginning a new phase of life.

...and...

Don't need you anymore. I want to see what I can get now on my own.

Unfortunetly, those are 2 very common scenarios as well.

[talaniman]

Did I read the same posts as the two prevuois posters or what?? I thought he was doing great and can't see anything to indicate otherwise.

[Sdjosh]

Everything is going well Tal. Just taking your advice and enjoy the time we spend together... and going slow. No pressure.

After all... whats the point if you're not having fun?

[samesame]

Sorry Tal for the confusion on my part. I think Sdjosh is doing well too. I was just saying that I know school/graduation play a big factor in break ups because it is a pivitol point in someone's life. Anyway, yes I was confused by cpalmist's response as well.

[Sdjosh]

I was really confused by what cpalmist said as well. But to clarify and confusion. Her and I aren't high school sweethearts or anything of that nature. We did get together when we she was 20 and I was 23. Not sure where I'm going with this.

Little side note for anyone reading this.

One thing I notice is that how you feel affects everything. What I mean by that is your physical wellbeing. If you're tired... dehydrated... over worked... stressed... not eating. It effects everything. Including the way you react to situations, your job, and your relationship. So take care of your body. It's the beginning of having a happy life.

I say this because right now I'm most of those things... as my job keeps me on the road for periods and my sleep schedule is off and my eating habits change. It makes it hard to keep a good routine. Hope this helps someone.

[Sdjosh]

Well... here is the update to my saga. After 7 years of living together and over a year of trying to work things out. It has been a wild 2 weeks. She is going through something in her life that I can't be there for.

We ended it last Wed. I felt it was coming though. I called her and got her to get it over with because she had been very inconsistent. In her head she knew that she should be with me and in her heart she loves me... but she just wasn't in love with me. I guess it was a hard decission for her. Being as I was the only guy in her life to love her unconditionally. To always be there for her. I possessed so many qualities that she wanted in a man but she just couldn't make herself love me. Not that she didn't try. If you read my story, you can see that we gave it a proper try. But when it comes down to it you either are in love with someone or you aren't. She said that she is not IN love with me because of what she is going through. She is still so confused about her own life and what she wants.

After the drama of the last 2 weeks... I was relieved to have a direct answer about us and why she can't be with me. I finally understood why and it allowed me to let go of that part of her right there.

We are still good friends though. We talk on the phone. She is still coming up this Friday to stay at my house for a week or so. We have plans to go have fun. I know that this may not seem healthy but I know in my heart and head that we can't be together. Its funny like that. I've made some kind of mental separation there. I know because of her circumstances (which I will not disclose out of respect for her) that we can't be together.

The only problems I'm having right now though are issues of my own. Her and I had been trying so hard to work things out. But along the way I made plans. My life plans had changed. We had talked of me moving up there and us moving in together. She was going to support me while I went back to school. She was even giving me great ideas on new jobs or a business I could start. She even hinted at a ring. So my heart and head were all set to move up there with her. Be apart of her life and her family. I had grown close with them over the last 5 months. I love there company and we have such a great time.

But when we broke up it was hard for me because I felt lost. Those plans were gone now and I don't really know where I'm going or what I'm doing with my life at this point. So I've been a little sad lately because I'm lost. I guess I am also grieving the loss of the woman I remember her to be. 7 years with her has had its ups and downs. She has become apart of my soul but... I wouldn't change that for the world. She has left me a better man then when she met me.

[Sdjosh]

Right now I'm just trying to go day by day. That 2 weeks we were going through all those ups and downs, I lost 12lbs and stopped working out. I'm taking steps now to get back on course. My friends have been supportive and I'm going back to the gym and trying to put on a little weight.

One thing though... I'm nervous about dating again. It has been so long since I've dated and I never was really any good at it. Blah... I guess I'll have to figure it out.

Funny thing is I have girl friends that are wanting to hook me up with their friends. Guess that's a good sign. They know I'm a good man. Just think I'm going to need some time to find my bearings again. Get some sense of direction and purpose again.