[ank]

One of bridesmaids died suddenly this past week. I am in a real state as to what I should do. Do I replace her and if so how do I do that so that the next person I ask is not upset about being a "replacement"? I really don't know what to do.

[shygrneyzs]

How close are you to the wedding? What would it hurt to not find a replacement? Keeping that "spot" open as a way to have a memorable moment in the name of your friend? I realize that does throw the balance off at the wedding table, perhaps throw the balance off other parts of the wedding. Talk to your fiancé about this. Then do what you both feel is right. To ask someone else to replace your friend is awkward but that person would surely understand.

[alkaline]

This is a very interesting question.

First, let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure that you were already under a great deal of stress planning a wedding, and to lose someone that close to you must be horrible. My thoughts are with you.

I think you have two options here.

1) You can decide to leave her space in your bridal party open, as a sort of memorial to her. While I think this would be a touching and sweet thing to do, I also think it will probably impact the atmosphere of the wedding. If your wedding is close, or this person was very young and died tragically, drawing a lot of attention to this at your wedding could be very depressing and sad, and even cause your guests to cry. I know that sounds selfish, but this is a day when you are celebrating and want people to be happy and have fun. I think if you place too much emphasis or focus on the death it might overshadow the good vibes you are trying to create. There will be a wake and a funeral for your bridesmaid, I don't know if your wedding is the place for that. If anything, I'd say you might want to just give a toast to her at some point during the reception, or have a moment of silence.

2) You can find someone else to be your bridesmaid. This is what I would personally do, but the choice is ultimately yours. I don't think it is fair for the person to feel offended and like a "replacement" or something. For one thing, this was a human being that was irreplacible! Second, they should be mature and realistic about the circumstances of a wedding. You simply cannot ask every person you know to be in the bridal party, it is unrealistic and expensive. This person should be honored that you are inviting them to be such a special part of one of the biggest days of your life, not offended that they were asked later. I can't speak for everyone, but I would definitely step up and be a friend's bridesmaid in this circumstance. They're your friend for a reason, right? Because they are understanding and care about you! I don't think it is in bad taste. I think it will make the day easier for everyone.

I hope my advice helps a little bit. Like I said, this choice is up to you, and this is just what came to my mind when I read your question. I really do hope everything works out for you, and I wish you the best of luck with your new marriage!