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Josie1420 · May 16, 2007, 10:48 AM

Hi, I was just wondering. I am engaged to a great guy but he has two kids from two different women. I wanted to know when I get married is there something that I can sign so my income will not be counted so he would pay more child support. I don't want to pay for his kids. I use to get along with the older one but someone must be saying things to her because she has no time for me anymore. I know it is her mother because she is jealous even though it was nine years ago. I want to be a part of her life I just find it really hard when she is so cold towards me and is doing everything to make me and my boyfriend fight.
He only sees one child every now and then. He has no contact with the other one at all, and the woman is always saying stuff to us and harassing me. It is a lot of drama but I love him and he is a good man. He just made mistakes in his life. It is all about money for these girls so I know that they would want more from him once we get married.

Can someone please help me??

tawnynkids · May 16, 2007, 11:18 AM

A spouses income is not a factor in child support. You don't have to sign anything. Legally he and mom are the only ones that have a financial obligation.

Fr_Chuck · May 16, 2007, 11:27 AM

With all respect to tawny, in the US it just depends on what state, There is no form you can sign, it is completely up to state law. In some states both incomes count, in some states everyone's income counts including the person with custody of the child.

So what ever the state law is, is what happens, nothing you can sign will change state law. If is not you will be paying, but in states where his entire family income is looked at, he may have to pay more of his income.

And understand, you are getting married to all his baggage, those ex wife's will be there for him to deal with and go back to court with till they kids are 23 if they go to college and even after that if the grown kids are in the hospital , when grandkids come along, him and ex will again have reasons to talk

And his ex's may turn all the kids against you, or try, and it will always be a lot of drama, so there is little you can do about that.

tawnynkids · May 16, 2007, 11:40 AM

Thanks Fr_Chuck, I do need to be more careful about stating so specifically. I should have said generally speaking...

I do not know for a fact that what I said is the case in every state. I do know it to be true in some states (namely Nebraska, California personally where it was not a factor). Fr_Chuck is right you would need to find out for your specific state.

Here is a little info you may find helpful:
Child Support FAQ - 15. Are they allowed include my new spouses income when setting child support

Josie1420 · May 16, 2007, 09:38 PM

I do understand that I am going to get married to all his baggage. Just sometimes it is hard to deal with a kid who wants nothing to do with you when they did love you so much. I don't even factor in the other child because I don't think that he will ever have anything to do with her. He does pay for her though so he is not a deadbeat dad or anything. It is just a situation with the mother is hard to deal with so there is no contact because of it. She don't want him to see the kid so.

Fr_Chuck · May 17, 2007, 07:09 AM

Yes it is tough Josie, I lived though it myself, and I wish I could say it is easy, sometimes I find that the step child can become closer to the step parent than the real parent, but then sometimes the step child never gets close. But then in other families with bio father and mother, the child causes a lot of drama, just read posts on here.

Normally your income will not have much bearing, it is the income of the two bio parents,and in some states it is just the income of the non custody parent that is used. But I have found in real life, court fights get dirty, real bad every little bit of dirt that can be dug up will be. Often your life with your new hubby can be a open book in court.

When I got married this last time my ex found a reason to call on my new wife and my anniversity every year for three years, just to find a reason to upset my new wife. So expet the worst, it most likely will happen.
* OK maybe not, but I personally don't have a good track record on these

s_cianci · May 17, 2007, 06:03 PM

These children are not yours so you have no obligation to pay for them. Your income will not come into play when calculating the amount of support your husband-to-be will have to pay for his kids.

Josie1420 · May 23, 2007, 05:36 PM

Thanks everyone for your input. I guess all will be figured out when the time comes.

1badchoice · May 24, 2007, 12:34 AM

Whether your income is considered or not... you should try and take a back seat approach to the kids. Be involved with whatever they allow but when it comes to talking with the mom... leave that to the dad. It will only get worse and worse if you get overly involved. Him seeing his kids, paying his support... he has to be a big boy and fight for those things. Once the kids are at your house you can be involved with decisions but if you try to decide ANYTHING while they are not with you... life can become extremely bad. Give the kids time to see who you are... never talk about their mom when they are there... the usual step-parent stuff. And no, this will not be easy. Once you have children with your hubby... it will even get worse for a time. Just be prepared and try not to control how he parents his children. It isn't all bad but many people have no idea what they are getting into. Hope I didn't scare you too much.
Cathy

Josie1420 · May 24, 2007, 08:42 AM

Hey Cathy,

See the thing is. He is only seeing one of the kids. He has no contact with the other one at all. I have no problem with one of the kids because that is all that I know. The father hardly talks to that mother because of the way that she is. I really think the only reason that he is in contact with the kid is because his family has contact with her. That is bad to say but I guess the situation that they are is and was in is not great. I just don't like the fact that she (the kid) can be rude in my house (ie whispering, and saying he is busy when he is with her because she don't want him to talk to me) and the father says nothing because he figures that he only sees her once a month and he don't want her to get upset.
This kid loved me. I use to buy her things, do her hair and her nails, I was a good step-mother but one time she came down she had no time for me at all. It was like she was a different kid. I know that the mother and her family is really Jealous. She was even saying stuff to my mother about him which was not true. So maybe the mother and that was saying stuff about me telling her to not like me and do everything she can to keep the father away from me. I am very confused. The little girl is 8 years old but she acts like she is 13. She would rather be with adults then kids. The stuff that she wears and watches is something I do not agree with.

I am not scared about what is going to happen in the future. I am sure that when I do have a child (if I do) it is going to be great. All of what goes on is so hard to explain. Maybe I need to grow up myself and get over some stuff. But the way I figure is if I am going to have anything to do with this kid some things have to change. I need to have some input on what goes on in my house. And for input on what goes on when we are not there. The father does not even have control over that stuff so. It is fooled up. I am really not sure how to react to all that is and will go on.
Post back please.

1badchoice · May 25, 2007, 11:14 PM

Josie,
I completely understand your frustration. My step-daughter whispers to her mother (my same sex partner) when she is doing something she knows is against the rules. The issue here is with my girlfriend. For you... with the father. You and he need to talk about limits/boundaries for the daughter. He needs to be the one to enforce the rules at first. I know how hard this can be... however if he isn't the one to enforce things the child will attempt to drive a wedge between you and your husband. He needs to be the one to say something when his daughter disrespects you. Him being afraid of upsetting her is only going to cause problems. Parents upset their kids. If he wants to be a parent, not a "friend", he will have to say no on occasion, set limits/consequences, and be the adult. I do understand what your saying in all this. Your in a tough situation. Talk with your husband... work together to decide what 3-5 main rules you will have... decide ahead of time on consequences for broken rules... then let child know new rules/cons. This is hard to do at first, especially with a child who is used to being treated as an adult. I'm guessing that she is an only child. My girlfriend's daughter was so much like your describing. It's been a tough road but here we are 5 yr later. I still have arguments over her daughter's behavior's however usually I can get my point made and resolution to the problem. I too have had to compromise. Things her daughter gets away with are things that my children do not... it's the compromise I'm willing to live with... though I still insist my children not behave the same way. Write back or send private message if you want to talk more. I truly can relate. Cathy

GV70 · May 25, 2007, 11:35 PM

The answer is YES and NO-it all depends of the judge... For example-." In Re the Marriage of Drysch, 2000 WL 815278, (ILL.App2 Dist.). -the law on this issue has developed and evolved as stated in a recent Second District Illinois Appellate Court decision, which holds "a trial court may equitably consider the income of a parent's current spouse in determining an appropriate award of child support.The Court evaluated Mother's "financial resources" and determined that her new spouse's significant income was a component of "resources" to which she has access, thus properly considered.