[mysonneil]

My son did admit to going with the boy to the one house while taking a lawn mower the boy had tried to give him back over to his house, nothing was taken. My son watched him break in, not actually was involved. He told the officer it was a dumb thing to do. I asked him why he didn't say anything, and even the officer knew why because he asked him, my son was desperate for a friend. His entire 10 yrs that we have lived here, only two boys have made friends with him, and this bad boy he only started to go over there because this boys father was teaching them how to repair motors, and my son told me his older brothers had moved out and that he didn't do bad things anymore, that was when he was younger. So I gave my son some decision responsibility and it goes terribly wrong. He hadn't seen the boy for over three yrs, so I gave it a chance. Most boys make mistakes when they are younger, some learn, some don't. This other boy is now 20 yrs old. He had no right getting my younger son involved in any of this, yet he is also on disability mentally and I believe the police are trying to charge both boys because they only want to make the neighbors feel safe. Even if the older boy did these things, he isn't even capable of realising much, he isn't all there. My son was nice enough to be his friend despite his shortcomings and now the police are saying this boy said all these things about my son. Like I said, it just doesn't make much sense. My son is a good kid, he has stated playing basketball and football at school, he does the normal things boys do at this age, but to accuse him when there is no way he could have snuck out is beyond me. I would have seen tracks in the snow by the back door in winter, and he would have had to sneak by our friends room, you can HEAR the door open from upstairs and the dogs would have barked like crazy. He was always with me until we went to bed, and has no way to get as far as some of these homes are, we live way in the country, while the other boys family have several vehicles, in fact when we went to pick up my son, the officer asked the other boy about a red truck that was sitting in his yard. My father who was an officer said in order to charge my son with any armed burglary, they would have had to find a gun on him as he was leaving a home, etc. The gun was FOUND AT the OTHER boys home with the OTHER boys fingerprints on them ONLY. The boys have guns out here in the country for hunting, it is not unusual here, so when my son told the officer that he had seen guns in the boys room hiding ANd on the wall, there is really nothing unusual about that . But ONE gun WAS the gun the police were looking for that the OTHER boy TRIED TO SAY my SON had, AND THEN THEY FIND IT AT THE OTHER BOYS HOUSE. So WHY are they trying so hard to accuse my son, when that boy LIED about where the gun was? This any genius could figure out as being strange in the first place...

[excon]

Hello my:

Please forgive me, but I didn't read the entire thread. What I got from the post above is that you're incredulous that the criminal justice system is stupid. My advice to you is to GET that it is, and deal with it. You'll never change it, and you won't help Neil by taking that position.

These are not smart people. These are not nice people. These are not people interested in justice. These are not people interested in fairness. These are not people interested in locking up the right people.

These are people interested in LOCKING UP YOUR SON. They're single-minded in that effort. They're good at it. They literally hold the keys to your son's future.

If he doesn't have a lawyer, get him one.

excon

PS> If this is old information, that's OK. I'm old too.

[mysonneil]

Thank you for helping, excon, to relax me actually, I am panicking, aren't I? I just wish that when someone was hired for any law position, that they wouldn't go solely based on that person never being in trouble themselves. Isn't there some pscological testing they have to do? And if not, Why not? That should be something all americans should be questioning... just what kind of people are supposedly protecting us from ourselves? I guess because I've never been in serious truble myself, I don't understand how they could go based on what another kid WITH priors says about my son who has never been in trouble before. It just plain hurts as a parent. I thank you again, all of you for being here, as I have no one to talk to about this, my father who is an ex cop has tried, but he just got back into my life recently. When I have asked other friends about what they think, and I have only two who I just found again also, they also say that this seems unusual, and the cops only want to blame it on Someone, anyone they can. My father says they are very good at scareing people, and this they have done quite well... They have appointed an attorney for my son, I just got it in the mail this morn, and hopefully this person can help... and hopefully I can cope with losing my son if they convict him, you see... I was told I could never have children, was married for almost two yrs, and out of nowhere, my son came along during my freshmen yr of college. He is very special to me indeed, I asked god for him, and god listened, I hope he is now, because he sent an angel to my bedside right before winter, pointing out the window, and was looking at me like I was supposed to have left here already because I was going to move. I believe it was a warning I didn't heed soon enough...

[J_9]

Howdy again Neil's Mom,

What I see in all of your posts is denial. It is time you stop playing the wounded mommy and understand that maybe your son did in fact play a role in this, no matter how small, he was still involved.

Now, you are only going to hurt your son by staying in denial. As it has been suggested before, you need to get him a lawyer.

It is very hard to accept when our wonderful children do wrong, believe me, I am a mother of 4, ages 20, 18, 13 and 5. But they do do wrong sometimes and have to suffer the consequences.

If he did nothing wrong then the attorney will dig it up and prove it. However, this may be hard for him to do since stolen property was found in your home.

[Fr_Chuck]

And I will follow up on J9 even if he had no idea of a crime, even if he had no role in it at all, the jails are filled with many people who claim to be innocent and often have those that are really innocent.

Even in the courts appeal process, not being guilty is not even a defense in an appeal. And the police and court system you have, is all you have.
So you will be going to court with people claiming this, and you will have a jury of people who watch the news who are afraid of their house being broken into, and if they see and hear people who may have made a deal with the police for a lighter sentense name your son, they will most likely believe them

And what you have to do is have proof, get him an attorney, get people who are not family to testify as to where he was. And sadly what you know as a parent and believe has no bearing in court

But if your son was there when another boy was stealing something or breaking in, that makes your son just as guilty, period, that is what the law says, don't matter why, had someone been killed, and he was just a lookout outside, guess what, he gets charged with the murder just the same as the person who pulled the trigger.
But understand he already confessed to a crime, so unless the confession can get thrown out, he is already as good as convicted, it is only what sort of plea can they work out.

[mysonneil]

I understand... it IS very hard to deal with when your child makes a mistake, especially when someone old enough should have known better too. I just don't get these kids these days. Most don't tell the truth, they watch all these crime shows and still think they'd never get caught... Geez... it does make you stop and wonder... even if you do everything you can as a parent, it Never seems to be enough... I do have to stop beating myself, you all are right, even I want to know the truth of the matter, but I do not doubt that something is terribly wrong with our system, regardless of how we are supposed to trust them, they are only human too...

[babydestinysmommy]

What I would at this point suggest is that you put your son into therapy and perhaps look in the area for youth outreach programs. Big Brothers and Sisters is a great organization and I am almost positive they are a national organization. It sounds like to me your son has been through a lot in his life. I feel for him.. truly do. It will look good if or when you go to court that you and your son are attempting to do something constuctive to change his life.

[mysonneil]

Thank you, babydestinysmom,
My son problems started when we moved here, but truly started when his father moved back up here. He couldn't understand why I didn't want a man who took a baseball bat to his mother seeing his son when he seemed nice to him. It was very confusing for him, with all that and the nation going boonkers over people from other countries... geez, it has got to be extremely confusing for our children right now...

[froggy7]

Thank you for helping, excon, to relax me actually, I am panicking, arent I? I just wish that when someone was hired for any law position, that they wouldnt go solely based on that person never being in trouble themselves. Isnt there some pscological testing they have to do? And if not, Why not? That should be something all americans should be questioning....just what kind of people are supposedly protecting us from ourselves? I guess because I've never been in serious truble myself, I dont understand how they could go based on what another kid WITH priors says about my son who has never been in trouble before.

All kids with priors start as a kid who has never been in trouble before. That's why the cops are not too impressed with that defense.

[mysonneil]

Hi Froggy, thank you, I see what you mean. My daughter just had a neighbor friend come over that lives near the other boy. He told me he could never see my son doing something like that either, and that he also knows the reputation of the other boys family because his own parents won't let him even go anywhere near their house, he lives down the road from them. Just because he made a bad decision about going with that boy that day, doesn't mean he will do it again though, and my daughters friend said he would testify to my sons character. I am hoping that my son does learn from this, like the officer told him, hopefully he will chose his friends better next time. My son was seeing the school counselor because of the other kids who picked on him, and he was desperate for a friend, so I can see why he was so dumb at the time, hopefully the court will see this also like the officer did, and we can get my son to understand that not all friends are good friends, even best friends can turn on you...

[J_9]

Bdymo, a/k/a Billy Dymond, why should we believe you? Here is what you have written in your profile:

First Name:
Billy Last Name:
Dymond Location:
Long Island, New York Experience:
I know a lot about Middle school dating, both about girls and boys, and can give expert advise, I am in high school, and my girlfriend even helps out on her own profile on here to give boys and girls advise with dating in middle school, also since I was in 7th grade, I had always received a 90 or higher on my overall average for math, and I just ended school last week and I received a 98 for the year in algerbra II. Occupation:
Construction

So, are you an FBI agent? LOL, or are you a high school student?

[brandy681]

Your son should be punnished and not just talked to, even if he was not involved because you don't know if your son is telling the complete truth and you also don't know what evidence they have. Just for the point that your son watched his friend do this is bad enough and he deserves to be punnished because that alone is bad enough. This could be just the beginning because your son is young and hanging with the wrong crowds, he can get invloved in worse things. You need to be a good parent and take proper action because your son needs to take responsibility and he is still young at 18, this could be the beginning but you definitely need to not blame the government so much because he obviously deserved the house arrest but I am sure for 8 counts of burglary he would or should have got worse than he did, he could have got hard jail time.

[mysonneil]

Hi Brandy681 !
Thanks for input. My son is not 18, he is only 15. He went to one house and was afraid to tell on the other boy because the other boy is 20. The other older boy should have known better then to try and involve a 15 yr old in the first place, and then to say my son went with him to other places because he is afraid is beyond me. Even my son can't believe the older boy has done this to him. My daughters friends say they will testify as to my sons character, that he would never have willingly done something like this, and just because he was afraid to tell on the older boy for going into the one house, doesn't mean he went into any others based on what the older kid says. The older boy just doesn't want to go down alone, or has been offered a lesser sentence for saying this. My son just talked to the lawyer defending him, my son is as confused as I am as to what made this boy say these things about him. It is beyond me still as to why the police believe an older boy who has been in so much trouble before with his brothers, and not a boy who is so young and his first time getting into trouble...
Thanks for trying to help, but what also never seems to amaze me are adults who will automatically judge someone without all the evidence just because of the bad times we are living in. Not all kids are that bad, it usually is someone TEACHING them HOW To Be...

[wynelle]

Neil's Mom---when you son told you he witnessed his friend breaking into someone's house and stealing items, you did nothing. THAT IS TEACHING HIM THAT IS OKAY TO DO SOMETHING WRONG.

Your son has admitted to at least one of the felonies. So now it is up to him and your attorney to prove HE WAS NOT THERE. Vouching for his character just won't work BECAUSE HE ADMITTED TO DOING AT LEAST ONCE. So what is to be vouched for?

Stop the denial. Get an attorney. Move to another state. Put your child in military school. Help you son get a job so he has something to do. Just stop blaming the system and the other kid.

[mysonneil]

Thanks for the advice Wynelle!
Already have most of that figured out, I am a 41 yr old mother who does know a thing or two, just hard to trust a system that doesn't even look into all the evidence without already profiling someone they don't even know. They had my son as guilty without knowing him as a person, he is very young, not knowledgeable about this world and how it will do everything in its power against you, not for you unless you have money, and that is how our society is making it look to its children... geez, we even elect presidents based on how much backup they have financially! It's a sad world we live in, when everyone only wants to GET the bad guys, and not truly see what makes them get bad in the first place... sure docs try, but do they really care? No, its just a good paying job to them... my son got into trouble, yes, but by an older boy who was already in the system, and obviously this system isn't working to make sure these kids don't continue to influence others to do the same with them again and again... the older boy is mentally not all there though, and this is what makes all this so strange... them knowing this, and then going after these boys as if they were truly major criminals is beyond my comprehension, they are still young boys who need direction, correction isn't exactly going to work on the mentally ill as this older boy is. No one was there for that older boy, not even this communty knowing his past, and now they want to punish these boys for their shortcomings... this is where we are at as a society... pretending to care, but not really until it happens to one of our own... when I was a child, there wasn't as much of a population, so the whole communtiy was involved, now it has become a circus... when will people realise the mess they are making... my son had direction, he wanted a job this summer before all this happened, and as an adult, I see two boys who need more than just punishment, they made a mistake, and as a society, as adults, we need to know WHY some of our children think that these mistakes are where its at. WHY are the kids of today not caring... does anyone else see this pattern, or is it just me... my son had only one friend because no one in this White community would accept him, this is Our reality... this is a problem that only now some people see. So there are many reasons and no one is hearing our kids pleas until a child takes a gun to school and kills his peers, yet, everyone is quick to judge a child whom doesn't even know why they do what they are doing yet. My sons school wouldn't even care about a group of kids who were beating on him whenever they wanted to. These bad behaviors are starting in the schools & It seems to me, all of us as adults better wake up sooner than too late...
(there are other cultures in this country trying to become like americans and this issue has got to be addressed so that all of our future generations get along. Why is it that small kids don't see color and adults do? Only recently have some adults tried to get the message through, and still others can't live with the fact that we are all different on the outside, yet on the inside we all have issues! And are basically the same.. )

[froggy7]

Neil's Mom,

I have to say, one of the problems with America is people like you. Your posts have repeatedly talked about how society is letting people down, and not considering all the facets of the situation, etc. Get this through your head: "The police treated your son as guilty because HE IS." Why doesn't matter.

And you do the very thing that you accuse society of. I don't see you sitting down and trying to figure out why "everyone" in town hates your family and doesn't want to be friends with your son. You say it's because your Hispanic. That might be true... it could be a town full of bigots. But it is also possible that there is something that you are doing that is making them standoffish. But your posts haven't shown any indication that you care about why... just that you care about the result. Why do you expect anyone else to be different? If my house was robbed, I do NOT care why the kid did it. They could be poor, they could come from an abusive home, they could be rich kids looking for a thrill. It doesn't matter to me. What I care about is that, for whatever reason, this person chose to respond to the situation by breaking the law, and needs to take responsibility for that action.

And no, society doesn't care, really, about why they go bad. That's the parent's job. If you knew that your son was having all this trouble, and hanging out with bad kids, why didn't YOU do something about it? Sure, it may have meant moving out of the area, but if that's what it takes, that's what you do.

Stop being a victim. Accepting that you have the responsibility for your actions also means realizing that you have the power. You can not do anything about what any one else thinks or feels. The only person you can change is yourself, and that includes how you feel and react to other people. There's a lot of power there that you are freely giving away to "society".

[mysonneil]

Moving out of this area is exactly what these white bigots would like, for me to run... not happening, I won't give them the pleasure...

[Purfekshunist]

All kids lie to their parents at some point. Even the best behaved kids of models parents! Especially when they are in serious trouble for the first time and don't want to disappoint their parents. Having worked in the judicial system for a number of years, I'll tell you that the words and advice given by the above individuals are wise. While your son is, very likely, a good boy -- even good kids frequently make very bad choices. You may think the situation unfair, but remember that you and your son are not in a position to change the system at this point. Encourage your son to be accountable for what he has done. Get him in to counseling now, before the court orders you to do so. Your son may not have done all the things he is being accused of, but he is no victim. Jump through the necessary hoops for now. Then, when your son is free from court supervision, contact your local legislators. Also, if you suspect any possibility that your son is involved in using drugs or alcohol, get him into outpatient treatment. All these things will help ensure that he will remain in your home. How YOU choose to respond to this situation will have a greater impact on your son's future than anything else. Be respectful and ask the court for help. Wishing your family the best!

[Purfekshunist]

All kids lie to their parents at some point. Even the best behaved kids of models parents! Especially when they are in serious trouble for the first time and don't want to disappoint their parents. Having worked in the judicial system for a number of years, I'll tell you that the words and advice given by the above individuals are wise. While your son is, very likely, a good boy -- even good kids frequently make very bad choices. You may think the situation unfair, but remember that you and your son are not in a position to change the system at this point. Encourage your son to be accountable for what he has done. Get him in to counseling now, before the court orders you to do so. Your son may not have done all the things he is being accused of, but he is no victim. Jump through the necessary hoops for now. Then, when your son is free from court supervision, contact your local legislators. Also, if you suspect any possibility that your son is involved in using drugs or alcohol, get him into outpatient treatment. All these things will help ensure that he will remain in your home. How YOU choose to respond to this situation will have a greater impact on your son's future than anything else. Be respectful and ask the court for help. Wishing your family the best!

[mysonneil]

Hi! Appreciate help...
I am White, my son is Spanish, not hard to figure out that in this all white community, we will definitely NOT be treated the same. Not a chip on my shoulder, just facing the truth. Some people will deny all they like because they themselves won't admit bigotry. We have lived here for over 12 yrs now, & this community has never treated us with open arms until just recently when some Jehovahs witnesses have stopped by wanting us to join their church, and when we don't want to we are snubbed even worse, some freedom of religion here! I went to college once to become a forensic pathologist/psychologist and started trying paralegal studies and not only I but friends outside this community say this community thinks they are untouchable and above the law, and have never seen such bologny anywhere in the entire state! This community has this horrible rep all by themselves! It is NOT my imagination that there is a smelly fish out of water... I was telling the school district one minute that I was sueing for discrimination towards my children and the next minute they are trying to distract me by saying my son is a criminal, to make the family look as bad as they can for when I do take them to court. And funny thing yet, can't seem to find an attorney who will take their Arian butts to court! I keep getting shut down! Money talks in this country and if you don't have enough, you cannot fight for your rights, they won't even touch a case in this county! Now someone tell me why THAT is? This is one of the poorest counties in the nation, that is why, plain and simple... this is not like I don't understand that if my son did do any of this, that he needs help, but just where in the heck is the help when you really need it? Out of the corner of my eye, I can see and feel the horrible truth when they stare at you, the gut feeling that they could really care less, and the sneers that say " there is that white woman who had those spanish kids, who cares" kind of look... and no one can deny what someone SEES with their own eyes, let alone remarks made loud enough behind your back so that you can actually hear how they feel about you going out of their idea of a perfect remake of a 50's era America... Do not let the beautiful for spashious skies fool you, if your not white, move to the city feeling around here!