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mogoverthemoon · May 14, 2007, 04:13 PM

Hay again :p. Being a virgin I wouldn't have much to add as to what my first sexual experience is like because my experience (and only experience) is kissing my best mates sister once (its a little sad I know). But what I won't too know is, what is that first time like? being a virgin and having to endlessly hear about my mates new 'conquests' and how they 'envy' me because I've never been intimate with anyone is getting me wondering, is everyone's first time bad? because they all say that I'm going to dread that first time?

Both male and female perspectives please, and sorry but no 'no sex before marriage comments please, very sorry but I'm young, curious and need some information on my first experience'

P.S- I do understand that all peoples experiences are different, I'm just trying to get a 'jist' of what to expect.

Thank you all x

Bellasmom · May 14, 2007, 04:29 PM

I have to say a someone who lost my virginity at 17 years old. My first time was real romantic. My boyfriend at the time was real patient with me and when I was ready he made everything perfect. That is the way I think everybody's first time should be.

Matt3046 · May 14, 2007, 04:33 PM

It sucked, the girl was not too appealing and all my friends teased me forever.

snapdragon · May 14, 2007, 05:31 PM

I think it also depends on whether the girl is a virgin or not. If she is, it might be better because then you don't have such high expectations. If she is all I have to say is take it SLOW and make sure she is really wet, Make sure she's comfortable! If she is not a virgin, maybe let her do all the work. It will be nerve racking, probably messy, bumpy and if it's just to get the first time out of the way, probably not that good. But, at least you get it done and know what to do next time.

Xrayman · May 14, 2007, 11:38 PM

It's a learning experience-especially if both of you are virgins-I agree with the above post as well!

Learn from each other and don't expect miracles for your first time.

Cheers

smoothy · May 15, 2007, 08:47 AM

Heck I hardly remember her. I remember where she lived... but at 15 that's a long time ago.

In hind sight it was nothing special, but at the time it seemed like it was. Something age and experience allows you to put into perspective.

fix-what-you-broke · May 15, 2007, 08:55 AM

I was 16, and the guy turned out to be a jerk.all for himself, he even called me a cab afterwards as he didn't want me to stay, never heard from him again... that was after we dated for 6 months..
If I could go back and do it again it wouldn't have been with him that's for sure.

Tuscany · May 15, 2007, 09:01 AM

All I have to say is that I wish I waited.

What I thought was love, wasn't. What I thought was devotion, wasn't. What I thought would be forever, wasn't. If I knew then what I know now I would have waited even longer.

cely05819 · May 15, 2007, 12:50 PM

I was much in the same boat as you. I went to a little get together at a friends house and it was really a set up for me a guy. I was 18 and still a virgin and just really dreaded it and knew that I didn't want to wait for marriage or even love. So, I told the guy straight out "Look I'm a virgin but I want to have sex with you, no strings attached, just get it out of the way". Not too surprisingly he was willing to oblige. I don't have any regrets, it wasn't exactly romantic but he had a great sense of humor and we got a good laugh over the whole thing. If I had to do it over again, I would have told him that he needed to do more than just get it done with ;-)

I would say to just go for it. See if you can find a girl that's willing to help you out. Then my second bit of advice would be to masturbate before hand and really explore the woman from top to bottom and have her tell you what to do. Even if she's inexperienced she should still know what feels good.

You can expect that it'll probably be awkward but if you go into with a good frame of mind it should be fun. And if it's someone you're comfortable with, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. If it wasn't for the sense of humor of my first guy, I would have been mortified by the whole thing.

cely05819 · May 15, 2007, 12:52 PM

P.S. Remember to use a condom!! You can't overstress the imprtance of safe sex!!

mogoverthemoon · May 16, 2007, 06:28 AM

Originally Posted by cely05819

I was much in the same boat as you. I went to a little get together at a friends house and it was really a set up for me a guy. I was 18 and still a virgin and just really dreaded it and knew that I didn't want to wait for marriage or even love. So, I told the guy straight out "Look I'm a virgin but I want to have sex with you, no strings attached, just get it out of the way". Not too surprisingly he was willing to oblige. I don't have any regrets, it wasn't exactly romantic but he had a great sense of humor and we got a good laugh over the whole thing. If I had to do it over again, I would have told him that he needed to do more than just get it done with ;-)

I would say to just go for it. See if you can find a girl that's willing to help you out. Then my second bit of advice would be to masturbate before hand and really explore the woman from top to bottom and have her tell you what to do. Even if she's inexperienced she should still know what feels good.

You can expect that it'll probably be awkward but if you go into with a good frame of mind it should be fun. And if it's someone you're comfortable with, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. If it wasn't for the sense of humor of my first guy, I would have been mortified by the whole thing.

Sounds like a good idea, I don't wona wait for love to loss it, I just want it out of the way and done with, I think I'll ask a special friend of mine if she could 'help' me out. Thanks :)

J_9 · May 16, 2007, 06:38 AM

You want it "out of the way" Do you realize that this really sounds crass and actually, to me, rather disgusting.

Sex is not like playing video games... sex comes with consequences. If you are not prepared for the consquences, parenthood is not the only consequence, then you are not ready for sex.

I really think it sad that children these days think sex is just fun and games. It is not about the act of making love to someone anyomore. Get a girl pregnant... no big deal, just walk away and sign over your rights.

Get a STD, no big deal... just go to the doctor and get a shot.

Get Herpes, BIG DEAL... you'll have it the rest of your life

Get HIV/AIDS, BIG DEAL... it is the untilmate deal breaker, it ends your life.

cely05819 · May 16, 2007, 08:00 AM

J_9 while I respect your answer I think this situation is not as black and white as that. I am a far cry from being a kid and, again, I do not in any way regret the way I lost my virginity. It was a period of my life, one that I am proud say has helped to shape me into the person that I am today.

I have 4 daughters and I want nothing but the best from them. I have an aunt that has a daughter exactly the same as age me. Her parents did not talk with her realistically about sex. They were disgusted that my mother was frank with me and my siblings. My aunts daughter ended up being a single mother by the time she was 17 years old. None of my siblings have children with anyone but their spouses.

Looking at life through the view that sex outside of marriage is wrong is just not realistic. Looking at as an important decision to be made when you are ready is the way to view it. If he is ready, go for it. Make the experience as pleasurable as possible and be safe in the way you do it. I was pretty clear that safe sex is very important. Use a condom, always use a condom. When my 20 year-old daughter asked to go on the pill I brought her and got her put on the pill. The catch was that she needed to listen to me rant about still using a condom even on the pill. The pill does not prevent STDs and you can still get pregnant on the pill. I preached that if you are not mature enough to tell your partner that they need to wear a condom you are not mature enough for the act of sex.

I'm sorry that you were offended. When you're ready, you're ready, but always remember to be safe and respectful. That's my take on it.

Tuscany · May 16, 2007, 08:04 AM

I don't think that J-9 post was about waiting until marriage. I think it was about how people are not waiting in general. That they are just sleeping with one another without being in love (or at least thinking it is love).

As a high school teacher I have to tend to agree with her. The idea of being in a relationship or committed to one person before having sex is gone. The pressure to just be having sex is huge for high school students.

I think that is what J-9 was talking about.

J_9 · May 16, 2007, 08:32 AM

Whoa, Cely, firstly my post was not directed to you. It was directed at Mog. So, please get off your soap box as I was not speaking to you here.

Secondly, while your situation may have been good for you, it is not necessarily so for everyone.

Originally Posted by cely05819

Looking at life through the view that sex outside of marriage is wrong is just not realistic.

Ummm, please show me where I even insinuated this one.

Originally Posted by cely05819

Looking at as an important decision to be made when you are ready is the way to view it.

Yes, it is an important decision to make. In fact it must be an INFORMED decision, that is why I brought up STDs, HIV/AIDS and parenthood.

Originally Posted by cely05819

Use a condom, always use a condom.

I will agree with this, however to be properly informed, one must know that condoms do not prevent all STDs, nor do they always prevent pregnancies.

Originally Posted by cely05819

When my 20 year-old daughter asked to go on the pill I brought her and got her put on the pill.

Oh, please Cely, your daughter was 20, she did not need your permission, nor did she even need to tell you she was on it. Now if you told me that she was 15, I would think differently about what you wrote here.

Originally Posted by cely05819

I'm sorry that you were offended. When you're ready, you're ready, but always remember to be safe and respectful. That's my take on it.

I don't think I was offended, if this remark was pointed at me, but rather trying to tell the boy to make informed decisions as a decision of this magnatude can lead to some serious consequences.

I am sorry that I choose not to answer the original question, because I think that my first time is personal. It was my personal experience and, in my opinion, should be something that is meant to stay private between the two people who participate.

mogoverthemoon · May 16, 2007, 09:57 AM

J_9 thanks for posting, I do respect your point of view that sex should be kept special between two people who are in love I do, and I want a girl friend to share that with... one day.
But growing up these days days with all of my friends talking about it, seeing sex orientated material everywhere its hard to not wona 'fit-in', I'm not one to follow everyone else, but this is something that is now a fact of young modern life and lossing your virginity is (from a male point of view) now a necessity to feel more mature, a rite of passage of growing up, sorry that it sounds 'discusting' but this is the modern way.

Also on your last post you 'had-a-go' at cely05819 for her daughter asking her to go on the pill, please don't have have-a-go at other peoples parenting on this message board, re-read the title 'what was your first time like' not 'how to bring up your children', anyway she probibly was asking for further advise from her mum anyway.

Btw- I am prepared for the consquences for a sexual experience, I'm 19, I know to use a condom regardless of her being on the pill, remember J_9, I'm horny, not an idiot :D

Tuscany · May 16, 2007, 10:04 AM

Mo-
I think the peer pressure for your generation is huge when it comes to having sex. But, stay strong. Wait for that special girl to share that with. Just doing it to be one of the guys might seem right now. But trust me... in the long run it won't matter how old you were when you lost your virginity, but it will matter who it was with. Or at least it should. Remember there is a lot of other things you can do to release that horniness besides sex. Whatever you decide... just enjoy being young.

J_9 · May 16, 2007, 10:07 AM

LOL, Mog, I was not trying to have "a go" at Cely, but merely showing that her point was basically mute as her daughter was already 20 and did not need her permission like she would if she had been 15.

Now, I am glad you see my point. But peer pressure is peer pressure, and yes, it is out there in the mainstream media also.

You say it is hard to want to "fit in" Sex is not about fitting in. Well, at least as I see it now, and saw it at your age.

It is good to see someone taking an adult approach to this rather than to just "get some."

Whether you choose to lose your virginity now or wait for the "right" person, it will most likely be awkward. Think about it for a moment, isn't EVERYTHING we do the first time a little awkward? Tying your shoes the first time for instance... First day of high school... (just some examples I threw out there)

I am glad you are not an idiot, believe it or not there are many out there who think that the withdrawal method IS a form of birth control.

cely05819 · May 16, 2007, 10:23 AM

Wow! J_9 (sorry Mog but I really need to respond to this) you said you thought it was disgusting to do it to get it out of the way. How does being disgusted not translate to being offended? You found it digusting and crass but not offensive? I was apologizing for offending you, I said I respect your opinion. I really do apologize for any offense you took.

Oh, please Cely, your daughter was 20, she did not need your permission, nor did she even need to tell you she was on it. Now if you told me that she was 15, I would think differently about what you wrote here.

My daughter was 16 when she came to me and asked to go on the pill. Just for the record.

I really did not mean to cause such a stir. If you have more to discuss with me on this topic I would be happy to discuss it. Please remember, however, that I am not a child and I happen to be every bit as informed and intelligent as you and don't appreciate your condesending attitude. I was speaking directly to Mog, not to the teen population at large. I am aware of STDs and how they are contracted. I'm aware of what does and does not prevent STDs and pregnancy. I would think that at 19 years old so would Mog and therefore negate your stirring discussion on the demise of our young peoople today.

And, if you want to see a soapbox I'll be more than happy to show you one.

Thanks.

oh octopi · May 16, 2007, 01:19 PM

Ah mog, everyone starts at a different time, and not everybody's experience is bad. Mine personally was, but it wasn't because of the sex, and honestly I don't even acknowledge it as my first time. The second time, which was real, was really quite romantic and memorable as it was with the right person and wasn't rushed into or anything at all. As far as experience, I really don't think you can say your first time was bad, as much as awkward, because at that point you really have nothing to compare it to to say that it wasn't good. Just be patient enough wait for the right person, and you'll always remember it as something special.

P.S. As far as wanting it out of the way, it's your choice, but I'd have to agree with J_9, because 30 or 40 years from now, I'm quite sure that you'll regret it, unless you somehow end up with the girl in the end, but even if you were to get married, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it as much as if you waited for the right time with her.