[hardcore]

Hi
Hope you can help, I met this american girl a year ago while she was studying in london. She was introduced to me by her friend (let's call him BOB), I met Bob on a holiday in 2002 and hadn't seen him for a few years but had mild contact when he passed through London on his world travels. He gives her my number in 2006 and she call's when she's in london, we hit it off really well, we travelelled and fell in love and we really understood each other.

She went back to America in July 2006 and we kept daily contact, I visited her in October that year then 2 months after that in January 2007 and I even bought her ticket to London so she could visit me 6 weeks after I left in January, I am now (May 2007) going over to visit her for her Graduation, I've really tried to keep this going but I'm exausted but I love her, I would continue doing it for as long as needed, my point is, I've worked hard.

I'll cut it short by saying that Bob had a fling with her in 2005 when he said that she should come out to Ibiza to visit him as she was having a lot of stress. She went to Ibiza and it changed her life, they had a fling with no intention of a relationship, had lot's of fun as you would in Ibiza.

Bob only return's to the USA once a year to renew his Visa and this year they hung out, I asked her what happened and she said that she told him how upset she was that he didn't keep in contact while she was in Ibiza with Jenny in 2006, they cried, got drunk, she slept 2 hours and drove home. (her version to me)

Now here's the part that's the killer, she gave me her myspace password last year to change something and on this occasion ONLY (this month) I logged into her myspace account and checked her sent mail and found an e-mail to her friend Jenny, in this particular e-mail she said to Jenny that's she's feeling really guilty these days and that they were caught in the morning by his sister.

I'm going over there in a couple of days and cannot tell her before as this will interfere with her final exams. (if I bring this to the table then those exams go straight out of the window).
I don't know how to tell her that I know she slept with Bob, In a way I can kind of forgive her as I can see the attraction as they've known each other 10 years. But does this mean she doesn't love me as she's still looking for that Ibiza feeling with Bob

-- What do I do.
-- How do I tell her,
1) do I own up to the e-mail and ask her or
2) do I ask her if she's cheated and then own up.
-- Can this all go away once it's in the open.
-- I know in my heart that if I keep quiet that she will never cheat, probably end up being my wife as we get on that well, but then one day my brain might explode with what I know.

Or is it simply a case of, she's lied, she don't love me, we should separate and move on.

Thanks
Hard

[tickle]

You should never have read her e mail, but I guess desparation to find out about Bob drove you on. You are going to have to ask her straight out and get this all out in the open. Either do that or just move on with your life and forget about both of them. Thinking about what if and what was is not a healthy way to conduct your existence.

[talaniman]

Or is it simply a case of, she's lied, she don't love me, we should separate and move on.

Apologise for snooping, and tell her what you've found, and deal with the consequences. Or keep your mouth closed and get married and she can find out during an argument over you insecurity, and you still will pay the consequences. I prefer the honest straight approach even if it breaks us up.

[persainpapaya]

The most important thing to me is CHARACTER. If you are looking to be in a long-term relationship with this girl, if you are looking for a wife. Do you really want someone who lies, cheats, and doesn't really love you. I would want someone who would love me enough to wait for me. I truly believe that you may be able to change attitudes, but bad character is not easily changed. Find someone who is faithful to you. Don't bother telling about the e-mail... no point in trying to get her back unless you are willing to live a life of wondering if she is doing things behind your back. It may be harsh, but it's just my opinion. Hope this helps you. Sorry that you fell in love with a cheater. Blessings.

[gypsy456]

Be honest and confess.

Maybe she will understand your insecurity and forgive you.

Maybe she will break up.

But then at least you have been open and you can move on.

With or without you.

You also have to give yourself peace of mind...
A long distance relationship is hard... very very hard.

Should this relationship have any chance then you have to be open and honest.

You do not want to end up in the situation that you move to another country and have this "knowledge" in the back of your mind...

It would eat you away.


Your choice.


Whatever it will be I wish you all the best.

[lmnotok]

I will say that IT IS very natural to have such insecurity with a long distant relationship like you.
And honestly, through everything you said above then I can see that YOU DID YOUR BEST TO MAKE THINGS WORK. So, there is nothing to look back, dude. She cheated on you, that's her fault. And POINT IT OUT TO HER FACE TO FACE (of course after her exam), so that she would respect you more and recognize that she should never do it again.
I cannot say if she really loves you or not, you will figure it out during the talk with her about her cheating.
But dude, the problem here is not about she will confess or not, it is about her character. Think twice about if you should marry a cheater, you will have to watch out for her doing something behind your back all the time if you do.
Ah, remember to make strong reaction when talking about her cheating with Bob

[hardcore]

When you say

"Ah, remember to make strong reaction when talking about her cheating with Bob"

What kind of reaction should I be giving, for example
-oh my god you did what
-react like I care about her but I'm really dissapointed
What do you recommend
Thanks