[greeneyes121005]

I am currently married and have a wonderful marriage. But in the bedroom have a big problem. When I am with my husband I can not orgsam. Well let me clarify, when he stimulates me. If he uses a toy on me there is no problem. The thing that I don't understand is I am not shy when it comes to this type of thing, I tell him what I want or where to go, I have no problem communicating with him what so ever. And I am not shy or embarrassed when it comes to him seeing me get off, he has seen it when there is a toy involved. And my husband is more than happy to devote his time to me, he will try for hours! So its not like he is not trying.
Another queston. I can only get myself off with a toy, and only a select few toys will do.

Has anyone else had this problem and been able to fix it? Help!!

My husband and I have been married for a year and a half and were together for two years before that. We are 22, if that helps! Thanks!

[tickle]

When women get used to pleasuring themselves with toys or whatever, they know just what to do and how to do it to get what they want. You have been doing it your way for too long and unfortunately you body and you knows what to expect. Old habits die hard.

This sounds important to you and it should be to accomplish a healthy sexual lifestyle between your and your hubby. I would go as far as to suggest finding a sex therapist and nowadays they aren't that hard to find, but I don't think the yellow pages will do it. Your doctor could recommend if you feel you can talk to him about your problem.

I could also say try different positions, but that sounds dozy and you have two have probably tried every position under the sun anyway.

[AltaVista]

The above answer is exactly right about the toys, but if you've never tried the woman-on-top position I would really suggest trying it. I've been with several ladies and that was the best position for climaxing. Apparently the feeling of control along with hitting all the right spots.. well I know it worked and I sure enjoyed it as well!

[kepi]

Definitely try more positions. I would advise you to get a book on sexual positions from your local bookstore and have fun! Try positions that a) give YOU more control over speed/ force and that provide clitoral stimulation.

[greeneyes121005]

Thank you all for your advice! As far as different positions go, we have tried them all, and nothing. Even with him stimulating me with his fingers or doing oral there is nothing! I mean its not just him, if I try to use my fingers or a new toy that is not like my regular toy I get nothing! I will for sure look into a sex therapist! But if anyone else has any more advice I am open! Thank you!

[Ash123]

Howdy GE,

RELAX. I am not sure why you all didn't get this sorted out before marriage, but this does not have to be a huge problem...

All women climax differently.

Some need stimulation via a vibrator. Some from the clitoris with hand or mouth and some are quite simple: just "plug and play" to get what you both want...

So, OK, you are the first one it sounds like. Very common.

So, embrace it. And have some major enjoyable intercourse and if you need - let him finish you off with what you need...

Note: I would say, that like many women, you may discover that your "trigger" can work in other ways... in other words, you may find a new orgasm point... a climax without a toy. It's often a mental place as much as physical...

It's the thrill of something... very liberating and unexpectedly sensual - I hope you have that... go somewhere new. Fantasize openly about someone/or some scenario... use this as an OPPORTUNITY...
A sexual challenge in my opionion is a good thing!
Why? It's all fun trying - no matter how - and since everyone climaxes - so enjoy.

My guess is the more fun you have, the more surprises your body may reveal - whether you do or don't need a "toy"

[greeneyes121005]

Thank you all for your advice!! You all were very helpful! Thank you once again!!

[kepi]

You know, you COULD rate our answers and give is a postive/negative review :-P

[Xrayman]

You can "retrain" yourself by moving away toys at the right time just before climax-encourage yourself and your husband to masturbate you to bring yourself to the brink.

P.S. many couples have this issue. It can take many years to learn (from a mans point of view) to get a woman off-correctly-I'm still learning!

[smoothy]

Sounds to me you really don't know how to please yourself. (its really not that uncommon) and if you can't stimulate yourself manually for whatever reason, you really can't expect him to as he needs your help to know what and exactly where you like touched.

#1 relax,
#2 experiment with different things and positions
#3 be open and talk about what really feels good and what doesn't, what your fantasies are etc... trust me few women really do this.

Learn... learn about yourself, learn about him, learn about each other.

[kepi]

Good point, Smoothy:D If you can't reach orgasm by yourself without toys, you really can't expect your husband to do it for you if you can't do it yourself.

[cely05819]

I had a massaging/handheld shower head that ruined me for a long time. Nothing I did ever worked after that and every time I stepped in the shower I got aroused :-) I stopped using the shower head for my personal pleasure and for a while told my hubby, while I do enjoy it and it does feel good, don't wait for me because it's just not happening. I tried to climax on my own, just masturbating, no toys. Even this didn't work for a long time. So, what I finally decided to do was, one day when I was home alone, I watched porn for about an hour, looked through a pile of magazines, went online and found a bunch of stimulating stuff to occupy me for a little while and then when I was so aroused I didn't think I could even stand it I masturbated, hard, for a long time and it was like nothing I had ever experienced. Just the relief knowing I wasn't ruined forever made me feel great! It took a little while to get back into the swing of things and try and learn how to do it every time with no accessories but hey, if that's what I've got to practice at, I guess I'm willing to give it the ol' college try :-D

[greeneyes121005]

Thanks cely05819!! Knowing that someone understands makes me feel so much better!


Smoothy: I really think that it is just the fact that I have used a toy too long, I have to get rid of my toys and find a different solution. But thank you.

Again thank you!