[penelope pitstop]

How do I stop feeling like I'm dying inside when my daughter goes with her dad n his girlfriend out4 the day?

[gypsy456]

I take it you are divorced or separated...

Well, it's understandable that it may hurt that you are no longer part of the outing as you would have been in the past.
However, the two of you have decided to separate/divorce for a reason...

It's about your daughter having a good time.
Try to keep that in mind... maybe that will help you... while she is away do something that you otherwise would not do... get distraction... get a pedicure, phone a girlfriend and do something together... Don't sit at home till she comes back...

Good luck !

[Rockabilly1955mama]

I agree with Gypsy.

Just give it time honey.

[letmetellu]

Just be thankful that your daughter has a father that cares enough to spend time with his daughter. Give your daughter every chance to know who her father is and to learn about the other half of her family.
As for you feeling like you are dying inside, why do you think you feel this way. Are you being jealous, and that is just a question not a put down.

[1badchoice]

My heart goes out to you. Your going through a major change in your life. A separation/divorce isn't just separating you from you husband but is the loss of your dreams for your future together. I'm sure you developed a lot of ideas, dreams, and goals as a married couple. The loss of those ideas and dreams is something your going to mourn over. Not only is he taking a part of you in the form of your child but the part of you that you gave him (your heart/love). Right now your going through a lot of hurt, pain. As someone else said... try to keep busy. Make plans with friends, family, your church, etc. Stay as busy as possible. You will have plenty of time to hurt and grieve the loss of your marriage and dreams for your future as time goes by. Make short term plans. Think of one day at a time to give you some focus. I know all of this is SO hard. I've been divorced twice and wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. What I can say is that no matter how hard it got, no matter how much pain I felt, I got through it and learned to focus on my kids and our future. If you need an ear to listen to you... feel free to write. Sometimes it helps to have someone who has been through something similar. All my hopes are with you. Cathy

[AW805]

No one can't shut their feelings down that easily. Just know that the pain will eventually taper off as you get use to seeing your daughter leave with her dad. Don't concentrate so much on the girlfriend but that your daughter is spending time with her parent and that you both love her equally. Best wishes to you.

[chuff]

Penelope, I just read your other threads and you need to sit down with your ex husband and/or go to counceling with him in regards to raising your daughter. I think you hurt him worse then you can possibly imagine and his new girlfriend is an attempt at reaching out for somebody, anybody to fill the void that your affair created in his life. He's in tremendous emotional pain, and your obviously in tremendous emotional pain and now your daughter, who didn't ask for any this is going to wind up suffering the pain that neither of you are addressing.

I'm not going to come down on you for the affair but I can promise you that your ex husband is a good and caring guy. His actions after it happen speak to the fact that he cared and that he loved his family. There are a lot of guys that get the girl pregnant and walk, never to be heard from again. He's not that guy. You should be happy with yourself that your gave your daughter a great father who cares enough to try and stick it out for her sake during these tough times.

But he's in pain, jumping back and forth between you and her, obviously upset that you had an affair but at the same time not wanting to give up what he's had for over 2 decades. You can see it in his actions that he's crushed as well. But the problem is now your passing this pain onto you daughter who can't really say anything and it will start to bottle up inside of her. For her sake and her mental and emotional health I hope that both of you can agree to see a councelor to help her not fall into this any further.

[talaniman]

Chuff, and the other posters have made good points, as you could use a good counselor to guide you through your grief and guilt. Your husband needs it also but for now you go. When he has your child for the day do something you like, to keep you busy. This is one of the saddest stories I've seen in my time here, and as much as I feel the pain your family is going through, sitting around feeling bad for yourself is an awful, unhealthy way to solve your problems, so get help and do something positive for yourself to get out of that funk you so like to fall into. I have no sympathy for those who choose to sit on a pity pot.

[penelope pitstop]

Thank you all for your replys.Have been to counciling on my own,had my last session 2weeks ago because councillor retired.He was a great help because I have,nt got close family members to talk to and he was neutral and unjudgemental about what had happened.Try to keep myself busy as possible although sometimes keeping busy costs!I know I've got to learn to deal with this pain and hopefully time will heal me.does anyone know roughly how long it takes to get over a 22 year relationship? X

[talaniman]

I hope you find another good councelor, and continue to make progress, and as harsh as I may sound, I really do hope you find peace within yourself. Maybe focusing on your child, and make time for yourself will help, and volunteering time to a good cause would give your life a positive purpose, as you heal. Not to discourage you, but you can never forget what happened, but you will put it behind you enough to move forward, and find happiness for you, and your child. Hang in there, and vent here when you need to.