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KyLi22 · May 11, 2007, 08:20 AM

My son's father lives an hour and a half away. Ever since I was pregnant he has been in and out of me and our son's life depending on his feelings for the week... His reasoning was that he was in love with me and wanted to work things out... We started working things out and he was doing well until he met another girl. Ever since this girl showed up (no offense to her) he has been disappearing for weeks to months at a time... They broke up and my sons father started coming around again, and we started working our relationship out, then out of nowhere my sons father disappeared again for me to find out he was once again back with this girl... Now all of a sudden he's demanding weekends with our son, and my son doesn't even know him or his family. We worked it out for about amonth before he got back with his girlfriend that every other Saturday he would come up here to see our son, and the other saturdays he would take him down there for the day, just to give him time to learn and get used to our son, and so his family could see the baby as well... my son is 15 months... Well since he's been with this girl, he has ignored my calls while his son was in ER, and made excuses to why he couldn't be at his surgery last week... the last thing he said to me was that he'd call after my sons surgery to check up on him... he never called... nor did he pay support for that week or any week after. (our support was agreed upon by us, not court ordered)... so now I'm being told by his family, and taking it from signs of no calls and no support that he wants out...

How do I have him sign over his rights? I'm sure he'd do it, but I don't know how to get to that point... I've been told that courts don't usually allow the father to give up rights unless someone was taking his place and adopting him... HELP! This isn't fair to my son that he should have a guy popping in and out of his life depending on the girl he is dating and his mood for the week... This isn't fair... I don't care if he doesn't have to pay support, I want him to sign over his rights... what do I do?

LadyB · May 11, 2007, 09:05 AM

He can give up his rights to visitation, but he cannot give up his obligations to pay child support. You must get a court order in place that will lay your agreement out in no uncertain terms. Hire a lawyer, ASAP.

Fr_Chuck · May 11, 2007, 09:31 AM

First I doubt he will just sign them over, unless he is wanting to, and the courts can give him rights to visit his son and you can not stop him from vistiing if he want to be a part of the child's life.

Depending on your state, he may be able to sign over his rights if you and he both agree, but he can not sign over his obligations to pay child support. ( so basically he will lose visits, and have to pay, so why should he? )
In some states you may be able to take his rights away if he has not tried to visit child over certain times.

Next you may not try to inforce his payment of support and you are allowed to cheat your child out of their money, but the states holds an obligation for the support, if you or the child ever collected state benefits,
So they will not let the obligations be signed away, unless soeone else is there to pay for it (normally in most states)

At this point, working out a proper visitation with the child, and collecting your child support seems the rational and correct thing to do.

KyLi22 · May 13, 2007, 03:51 PM

He wants to sign over his rights.. he doesn't even want to see our child.. so I guess its him signing over visitation, haha.

xandrea86x · May 13, 2007, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by KyLi22

My son's father lives an hour and a half away. Ever since i was pregnant he has been in and out of me and our son's life depending on his feelings for the week... His reasoning was that he was in love with me and wanted to work things out... We started working things out and he was doing well until he met another girl. Ever since this girl showed up (no offense to her) he has been disappearing for weeks to months at a time... They broke up and my sons father started coming around again, and we started working our relationship out, then out of nowhere my sons father disappeared again for me to find out he was once again back with this girl... Now all of a sudden hes demanding weekends with our son, and my son doesnt even know him or his family. We worked it out for about amonth before he got back with his gf that every other saturday he would come up here to see our son, and the other saturdays he would take him down there for the day, just to give him time to learn and get used to our son, and so his family could see the baby as well... my son is 15 months... Well since he's been with this girl, he has ignored my calls while his son was in ER, and made excuses to why he couldnt be at his surgery last week... the last thing he said to me was that he'd call after my sons surgery to check up on him... he never called... nor did he pay support for that week or any week after. (our support was agreed upon by us, not court ordered)... so now i'm being told by his family, and taking it from signs of no calls and no support that he wants out....

How do I have him sign over his rights?? i'm sure he'd do it, but i dont know how to get to that point... I've been told that courts dont usually allow the father to give up rights unless someone was taking his place and adopting him... HELP!! this isnt fair to my son that he should have a guy popping in and out of his life depending on the girl he is dating and his mood for the week... This isnt fair... I dont care if he doesnt have to pay support, i want him to sign over his rights... what do i do??

My partners ex was a rite over his 2 kids and it was just under a yr he hadn't seen them for he had taken her to court and all that and we had to ask the courts could my partner lose all rites to his kids they said if he hasn't been in contact what so ever in a yr then they lose all contact just that you av to prove that they isn't bin in contact for that long, its so unfair as your is a baby but he's too young to know give the baby's dad the option again to want to know his son or not and if he decides not to do anything then leave it its not fair on the baby there is good dads in the world and by the sound ov it he doesn't mind making them but lukin after them he carnt do well good luk but if he is that much ov an d0nt give him another chance just don't contact him but don't change your number at all so he can still contact you n if he doesn't after a yr all rites will be given up with out his permission good luk he sounds like a looser and you n you baby will be better off with out him xxx xxx

KyLi22 · May 13, 2007, 05:11 PM

Thanks hun..

Is the year thing only in certain states??
<3

xandrea86x · May 14, 2007, 04:50 AM

Oh I am not sure the other people that have answered this question seem to think so I don't no were you are from but in england that's what it is a yr why didn't u c a solicitor normaly you get the first hour free and just ask them questions about it it won't cost if uur first hour with the solicitor is free xxx xxx

ScottGem · May 14, 2007, 05:57 AM

Originally Posted by KyLi22

How do I have him sign over his rights?? i'm sure he'd do it, but i dont know how to get to that point... I've been told that courts dont usually allow the father to give up rights unless someone was taking his place and adopting him... HELP!! this isnt fair to my son that he should have a guy popping in and out of his life depending on the girl he is dating and his mood for the week... This isnt fair... I dont care if he doesnt have to pay support, i want him to sign over his rights... what do i do??

I don't get you. You think its not fair for the dad to pop in and out of his sons life, but you think its fair to completely remove the dad? That is real foggy thinking.

And why aren't you asking for child support?

It is unlikely a court will grant relinquishment of rights unless there is someone waiting to adopt or there is a case of abuse.

You don't say how old your son is, but what I would do is simply try to explain to the child that daddy never really grew up so he sometimes is irresponsible. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that you have done anything to make him stay away.

KyLi22 · May 14, 2007, 07:04 AM

Whooooaaaa...
Hold up, calm down... HE Doesn't WANT RIGHTS. I said I would rather him just terminate his rights then pop in and out of his life... he has now stated he wants nothing to do with our son. He is no longer paying support, nor will he return my calls.

I will be taking him for support, and he will probably relinquish his visitation rights...

I never said I just want to take them from him, I still love the guy, I just have to look out for my son, and right now my son's father wants nothing to do wit him...

You need to read before answering hun... I DID say how old my son it... he's 15 months... what are you reading exactly?? Lol.

My sons father said his new girlfriend is more important than his son... so what can I do but go to court?

<3

ScottGem · May 14, 2007, 07:18 AM

Sorry, I didn't see the reference to age. But the rest was based what else you said.

He probably thinks that by relinquishing parental rights he gets out of child support. But it doesn't work that way. Nor should you try to help him do it. If he doesn't want to visit, then he just doesn't have to. No reason to formally relinqush.

xandrea86x · May 14, 2007, 08:16 AM

I forgot to ask is the baby's dad on the birth certificate as the dad? If not he won't av to pay child support n it's a whole lot easier but if he is on it then it will be a little bit harder, if u don't want his money then u don't have to ask for csa off him (well in england u dont), in england u have to sort the csa out yourself if he won't give u money that u want then they will interfere but most dads won't pay money if they carnt c there kids but its not air on the baby he will get confused as to y dad keeps cumin in n out of his life I think u will b better off with a break n a new start to get over him if he says sum 1 else cums before his own son he is a rite loooooser n u n you son can do a whole lot better xx xx:)

KyLi22 · Jun 4, 2007, 06:21 PM

OK, my next question is... My sons father signed our sons birth certificate when our son is born. He now is claiming he doesn't believe he is the father, mind you, he is grasping for straws, either to get out of support, make up excuses for him not being around the last 3 months, or because he is upset with me... I read that if he signed the birth certificate it was a legal contract, stating he IS the father. SO can he ask for a DNA test now? I went online and did some research and they said nothing about men who ALREADY signed the birth certificate, wanting a DNA test, it was all people questioning the paternity, BEFORE signing anything... So...

Now I'm in a stalemate. He doesn't call, doesn't write, doesn't ask to see his son anymore. He has only asked once in the last 6 months and it was 2 days after our son's surgery and I said simply not this weekend, maybe next weekend... that made him angry and withhold support...

My question is what do I do? Do I go for support and open a can of worms and possibly give him visitation (which he claims he doesn't want, and then wants every so many months) or do I do nothing? I'm at peace now, but I'm scared he's going to randomly change his mind again in a few months... what do I do?

I have phone records where he does not call AT ALL, I'm the one calling him every once in a while, with no return call... I have emails where he claims he wants nothing to do with our son, and then emails where he claims he doesn't think its his son, with threats that if he signs his rights over, he is going to make me sign a contract stating I will not be in contact with anyone he knows including his friends and family... one issue wit that, our siblings are dating each other, and his family wants to see their grandchild, nephew, etc...

What do I do?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 4, 2007, 06:47 PM

It will depend on the state in the US, there are a few states,where after several years the dad listed on the birth certificate can not challenge it.

But in most US states, yes, he can ask for a DNA tests ( he will pay for them of course) Since if he is not the real bio father, he has a right to have this corrected.

xandrea86x · Jun 5, 2007, 12:44 AM

I am so sorry to hearthat this is still going on, I had a dad growing up so I don't no what its like to to have one but if you think your son is better off with out a dad then that's fine if yoyu find some one over the years they should be able to go for adoption of your son so he will still have a dad later on in life to guide him this man is a jerk for not wanting to know his son but may be when he splits for his g/f that he might want something to do with his son but its so unfortunate that it will have to come to that for him wanting to see him, as your son is only a baby he is to young to understand if you was to tell him what's going on but I gues later on in life if he's still a sad dad then you can tell him why he doesn't have a dad but I think the best option is to leave him alone I know you mentioned a while ago you still love him but forget about him for yours and the baby's mistake and find someone that will love you and your baby and that will take care of him for you and be a real dad I think that's the only option you have left... I wish you all the luck but please don't rush anything just for the baby's sake because if he's not right then it won't work out later in life but I wish you and your baby all the luck in the world finding the right daddy for him xxx xxx:)