[Gibblets]

I've been seeing this girl for a month or so now and we have a great connection. We've started sleeping over at each others' places and things are going well. Only thing is that she isn't completely over her ex-bf of 3 years. They split about a year ago but she's still having issues getting over him, and has only recently initiated no contact. I've never addressed the ex issue with her because I never saw reason to, but at the same time it's holding me back- I'm afraid to let go and expose myself to her so to speak because I'm afraid of getting hurt.

I guess she's picked up on my safe and predictable demeanor because last night she asked me if we were "cool" and confessed that she worries that we don't have much in common and that we're only so compatible because we're dating. I told her that she needs to give me time, and that we've only been seeing each other for a little under 2 months. She told me that this is the most serious she's gotten with a guy since her ex, so she's wondering where it's going and considering the potential between us for a committed relationship.

I just told her not to worry and take things as they come, so she dropped the subject and we went to sleep. The next morning, she left for work early and I discovered that she had left her diary out in the open on her nightstand. Curiousity got the best of me and I opened it... and regretted doing so immediately.

In her writings, she confessed that she still misses her ex, and has only recently stopped texting and calling him. She compares me to her ex but knows we're different people, and most bothersome to me is that she's struggling with the question of whether she wants to be with ME, or just with ANYONE. This really hurt, but I guess I deserve it for violating her privacy. I am thinking of confessing that I read it and just talk to her about all of this.

I feel like this is going nowhere and that both of us will just end up getting hurt. I'm afraid to open up to her because she's afraid of letting go. She won't let go because she doesn't see my full being- it's a vicious cycle. I don't know what to do.

I feel like I need to show her that I'm unique and that I'm better than her ex. I'm not sure how I compare to 3 years of history, but I can certainly try. I almost wish I could have a guarantee that her heart and mind is completely open before showing her 100%.

I don't know what to do guys, please help. I know reading her diary was wrong, but it's already been done. There are issues that have to be addressed now...

[talaniman]

Put her diary back and leave it as you found it. To be honest you are putting way too much pressure on this relationship than need be. Relax a little, since you haven't been together long enough to know each other well enough to make judgements and assumptions. Stop being so insecure ,and worrying what her feelings mean, and what her motivations are. As to the diary, don't you think it was left on purpose for you to read? I don't know for sure but, females are good at hiding stuff, and seems an unlikely mistake on her part. If that's the case you flunked the trust test, and don't try lying about it if she asked. You may have to face the fact that you have a lot of issues to deal with, and may not be ready for the rigors of a relationship at this time, or may not be ready for this female.

[gypsy456]

You are way too stressed about this...
And that will not benefit this very young relationship...

Reading the diary was not good... but you did it, you are only human.

You do not need to show that you are better than the ex boyfriend.. you are not, you are different, you are your unique self and that's why she is now with you.

Will the two of you stay together ?
Nobody knows...

But you have only been seeing each other for such a short time and there is already so much drama going on in your head...

Keep it light and breezy...
Enjoy.

Telling her you read her diary... well, if I would learn that I would not trust that person anymore... trust is the most precious "gift" a loved one can give us...

talaniman is right... females are very good at hiding stuff... and unfortunately we do have an excellent memory... we do not forget... we may forgive but we do not forget...

No more reading in her diary...
And stop being so insecure...
If it works out it works out...

That's what happens between people in an early relationship... they see what they have in common... whether it works or not...

Don't turn something that can be enjoyable into so much drama.
Don't create your own drama.

It's setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment.

Good luck

[Gibblets]

Put her diary back and leave it as you found it. To be honest you are putting way to much pressure on this relationship than need be. Relax a little, since you haven't been together long enough to know each other well enough to make judgements and assumptions. Stop being so insecure ,and worrying what her feelings mean, and what her motivations are. As to the diary, don't you think it was left on purpose for you to read? I don't know for sure but, females are good at hiding stuff, and seems an unlikely mistake on her part. If thats the case you flunked the trust test, and don't try lying about it if she asked. You may have to face the fact that you have a lot of issues to deal with, and may not be ready for the rigors of a relationship at this time, or may not be ready for this female.

Why the heck would she leave it for me to read on purpose?

I only glanced over a few pages real quick and put it back on the table carefully so that it looked like it was untouched. Haha maybe she put a strand of her hair in one of the pages to mark it and see if I'd read it lol but I didn't notice anything like that so how would she know I read it anyway?

But that's just messed up to leave her diary for me to read on purpose... very strange.

[Fr_Chuck]

I guess she left it because she trusted you, she figured she was in a relationship with a person who can respect her privacy and loved her enough not to read this.

And of course all ex's compare the new one, esp after a long relationship and also it sounds like you got with her shortly after.

Plus it actually sounded good, she has Stopped calling, stopped instant message, so she is getting over and starting to develop the relstionship with you.