[Buddy1084]

All right,

The ex and I broke up in February after 4 and a half years and since that time we've run the gambit of breakup emotions and conversations. Recently we have begun talking and things are seeming to go really well, she says that she likes talking again and so do I. when we do talk it's normally for a long time on the phone (around 30 minutes) or sporadic conversations that run off and on for about an hour online but there is no regularity to when we have these conversations (every other day or such). The problem I have with figuring this situation out is this...

I seem to be the only person initiating the conversations both on the phone and online and it makes me feel like she's not interested but she says she loves talking to me... if so why doesn't she start the conversations some times...

When we talk we mostly end the conversations with "i'll talk to you later" but sometimes she says that she'll call me back during a certain time or time of day but she has only followed through twice in the past five times. I am a very punctual person and have asked her to let me know if she isn't going to be able to talk when she said she would she gets pissed at me telling me that she is really busy and wants to talk when she has a lot of time to talk and that's not always when she says she might call... why doesn't she seem more worried about keeping her word and get pissed when I talk about the problems I have with it...

Am I trying to talk too much or expect too many things or is she just not interested and using me for self gratification. Maybe I should slow myself down and wait until she contacts me... what do you guys think?

[sypher373]

I think your right on the money. Slow it down, let her contact you. Its entirely possibly she wants nthing more than to talk to you as a friend, and unless yo ucan accept that is all it will ever be, your best bet may be to stop talking all together.

She may have come to you as a friend, and noticed that you are still attached emotionally. She can pickup by your actions that you still want more than friendship, and that may have pushed her away as she doesn't want that. Just my theorey.

[Buddy1084]

I think your right on the money. Slow it down, let her contact you. Its entirely possibly she wants nthing more than to talk to you as a friend, and unless yo ucan accept that is all it will ever be, your best bet may be to stop talking all together.

She may have come to you as a friend, and noticed that you are still attached emotionally. She can pickup by your actions that you still want more than friendship, and that may have pushed her away as she doesn't want that. Just my theorey.

Thanks for the advice sypher and I think that I do need to slow things down and let her start the conversations, that's something which I have never let happen and still have a hard time doing, letting go can sometimes be a challenge. Do you think that I am requesting too much of her to keep her word though, or is that a battle that I am better off not starting and instead just let her call when she calls and be happy about that. I'm worried that if I don't put my foot down on this and show that I don't like her doing it I might come across as weak and still emotionally available to her.

[sypher373]

I think it's a bit rude to break your word so often, so I understand why you are a little annoyed. At the same time, I'm not sure starting the argument would be any better than letting it go. By starting the argument, you are putting pressure on her, and making it evident how important it is that she contacts you.

I would say your best bet is to let it roll off your back. By doing that, you don't look weak, it just looks like you don't care what she does - exactly what you should be doing.