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AHIRALDO27 · May 10, 2007, 05:52 AM

My19 months old daughter is always crying, we have try everything to make her stop. Can you please help me? Do you think by yealing at her will maker her stop crying?

J_9 · May 10, 2007, 05:58 AM

Don't yell at her. Just ignore her. Yelling is a terrible terrible thing to do to a child.

Look, she knows that she is getting your attention when she cries. If there is nothing wrong, diapers don't need changed, she is not hungry, etc. she is crying to get your attention.

Gently pick her up, take her to her room and put her in her bed. Tell her "When you are in a better mood, you can come out." Gently close the door and walk away.

You may have to do this a number of times before she stays in her room until she is in a better mood, but it works.

Emland · May 10, 2007, 06:03 AM

Yelling at her will only make both of you feel bad. Been there, done that.

How is her speech/communication? My daughter screamed like a banshee until we realized it was frustration. She had allergy issues due to the old house we lived in and she couldn't hear that well. Once we moved, her hearing got better, her speech improved and the screaming diminished.

Bluerose · May 10, 2007, 06:11 AM

Make sure she is not hurt. My grandson cried for hours until someone finally talked his mum into taking him to hospital, he was found to have a broken leg!

tawnynkids · May 10, 2007, 11:00 AM

The only reason I did not post in agreement to above is I would not recommend to just ignore her. **Correction --I don't think she (J_9) meant ignore as in not look after her (sorry J-9, didn't mean to imply that), but I wouldn't necessarily treat this as a normal crying spell that I would ignore as in not give warrant to as I think she did mean. Only on a count of the poster said "always", she is hitting the "terrible twos" so it could be normal buuuuut I would have it checked out by a doc before not giving attention to the crying. Just me though. :)

Certainly NO do not yell at, shake, or try in any other physical manner to make her stop except for comforting her .

If you have made sure "everything is okay" and this has been ongoing with no seeming reason, temper tantrum etc. then you absolutely should take her to a pediatrician/family doctor to make sure there is no unseen reason for this.

J_9 · May 10, 2007, 02:28 PM

Heavens I did not mean totally ignore the child, I meant ignore the behavior. If everything has been checked out by the pediatrician first.

If everything is fine and the child is healthy, you ignore the behavior.

First of all, and I may sound strange, but I don't believe in the terrible two's, I believe it can be invoked by the parents who do nothing about behavior.

Bad behavior must be addressed immediately and sternly. The child must know that it is not good to act this way.

Now, I sound strong, and I sound harsh, but I am by far one of the most loving parents there are. But I have my boundaries and I stick by them. Discipline can, and at my house is, given with love. I have never raised my voice to my children, nor will I, unless there is a dangerous situation present.

startover22 · May 10, 2007, 02:49 PM

Let it be known that the more J_9 posts, I fall in love with her parenting tactics. I really respect you for being a good mom. So hard to do. As for many of us, consistency is very hard. It will solve many problems but we still refuse to be consistent. I will be starting today, how about you guys? When I say no, I mean it, when I say I love you I mean it. Sound good anyone??

J_9 · May 10, 2007, 02:54 PM

Sounds great to me!! I have always remained consistent, even when I have to go in my bedroom, cover my mouth will a pillow and scream my head off. Then I come out nice and cheerful and go about my business.

Start, thank you for the wonderful complements, you are a most gracious person if I say so myself!! But, I am not perfect, and it took quite a bit of trial and error to be the mother I am today. It was hard with my first one and I was only 22. I look back and wish I had the knowledge then that I have now.

tawnynkids · May 10, 2007, 02:57 PM

I second... or third that!

startover22 · May 10, 2007, 03:02 PM

I am a mother of four, first one was bor 9 days before my 20th birthday and the last was born when I was 28. I sure do notice a big difference in today and yesterday. I just started on my consistency issue! You guys are great. See you some time in the near future... Good luck Mothers...

NowWhat · May 10, 2007, 03:57 PM

I agree with the above posts and just wanted to add - that if this has just started - she may be cutting her 2 year molars early. My daughter just cut her 6 year molars and it kept her up at night - she would just cry - and she knows how to get her point across with words. :)

AW805 · May 10, 2007, 04:01 PM

Well after finding out everything was okay when we took our son to the doctor, we just had to learn how to ignore him. He was dubbed "the screamer" by family and friends. I took tons of pictures documenting all this for him to see one day. He's now 24. He tells us he's sorry :) lol!

NowWhat · May 11, 2007, 05:06 AM

If it is not her molars - you could try this - We have a crying corner in our home - it's the same as the time out corner. She just gets to sit facing out when she is crying. Luckily we don't have to use it that much anymore.
But, when she would get going for, what seemed like, no reason at all - I would tell her she needed to calm down because I couldn't talk to her when she is like that. And then I would tell her if you just need to cry - go to the crying corner. When you are done - you can come out and then we will talk.
It worked pretty well.

tawnynkids · May 11, 2007, 10:16 AM

Excellent NowWHat, doesn't tell the child they aren't allowed to have the negative feelings or that they aren't acceptable. Just teaches them in a loving supportive manner how to manage them. It saddens me to see parents teach their children that you must always be in a "good mood for me" or "go away from me until you get better", that isn't what we should be teaching them, but rather "I can help you with your negative feelings when you control yourself". Good message!

isabelle · May 11, 2007, 10:18 AM

I just want to say again that you need to make sure that the child is not ill. There is many more things that could be wrong and can not be see by the naked eye. Autistic children can start by crying a lot.
Sometimes babies cry just because they are bored. Be sure you have exhausted everything before you decide to let them cry it out. There are so many things besides being spoiled that make children cry that I don't believe there is room to list them all here. Allowing them to cry in a room by themselves would be a last resort in my book, but I guess there would be times when that is appropriate.

startover22 · May 11, 2007, 10:19 AM

Hey Twny and nowwhat, you guys are great. I started using some new techniques said on this post and they are working. I have to admit my voice goes up a few notches when the kids are in trouble, I just don't know why. I never was like that before. Any way you guys, keep posting with good advice and I will read and include it if I can into our family life. Hugs, Startover22

tawnynkids · May 11, 2007, 10:33 AM

Glad, glad, glad to hear it... :"it" - that someone finds any advice here helpful that is because I am sure no expert! Few notches is good, as long as it isn't screaming you know, a few notches only says I am being firm now pay attention. :)

startover22 · May 11, 2007, 10:38 AM

Yes, sometimes it goes higher, but not usually. My husband is a yeller, and a I think I get it from him! I am being very careful watching myself. Thanks, Startover22

NowWhat · May 11, 2007, 10:54 AM

Sometimes, I have to yell to get her to snap out of it and to stop. But there are times where I get very quiet - she has to settle down in order to hear me.

When I put her in the crying corner - it is not away from everything. It is actually in the center of our home - I can see her and she can see me. She knows what she is missing out on when she loses control - I think it gives her a little extra insentive to calm down.

J_9 · May 11, 2007, 11:22 AM

It is funny that you all were in agreement with me yesterday, but now I sound like cruel cruel mother for putting my children in their rooms when they would go off on tangents like this.

Well, you don't know the whole story

You see, when children act like this, if they are not sick or injured, sometimes it is because of OVERSTIMULATION.

When you take child into their room and tell them that they can come out when they are in a better mood, it is quieting them, quieting their mind and removing the OVERSTIMULATION that they are being subjected to.

You see, when the child goes in their room they don't have to sit on the bed or lay down, but can play with their toys and lower their stimulation threshold if you will.

Now, this was not my idea, I did not make it up. It was given to me by a psychologist when I was young with my first child and he would do much the same as the OP (BTW he was about the same age). I have adopted and modified that technique over the last 20 years and used it on my other 3 children.

They are wonderful adaptive children who can now adapt to any situation no matter whether they are over or understimulated.