[rosepedal]

Find a way to build up yourself esteem. That was the only way I found out I wasn't in love with the guy who ripped my heart apart, I was really in love with the feeling he gave me when (very few occasions) he made me feel important and wanted. You are important and wonderful by yourself you don't need him. It took me a year to be ready for a relationship with out being afraid I would put myself back into that. Its hard to believe in yourself but definitely worth it.

[inthebox]

Kia

What did you study in college?
What sport[s]?
What kinds of music do you sing?

Not many people are athletic and not many can sing , let alone do both, certainly not I.

Don't put yourself down. You sound talented.



Grace and peace

[manga]

I can understand your feelings almost like despair. It was me. But what everyone is saying is very true no matter how much everyone will advise you to do things, or advised me at the time I didn't listen. All I could think about is him this him that take out old pictures LIVING IN THE PAST why couldn't he love me or what's so special about that girl. The thing is I was too busy thinking aboutthat and didn't take a good look at myself for who I was. I had just got out of high shool didn't really have any hobbies I filtered my knowledge through him and only narrowed my views surrounded by him.


You know you have to want to be yourself. Make yourself appealing to guys that want you. The more interesting things you do with yourself the more curious they want to know or know about you plus it will help with your self-esteem. Confidence for sure. But don't this for the sake of conning them into you, being genuine about your lifestyle.

I'm one to talk, because I posted a question about my relationship. I'm only offering because what you're saying in your postings were what I was writing in my journals. I had no one to talk to and ashamed to. I wish I even had a site to go to at the time. I'm still working on myself. Ongoing process I'm sure for everyone.

Also, I've done the go to the next guy to cover pain. It doesn't work huny. Give yourself control of your body. Its yours and to give away to a stranger you don't even know after a night of knowing him maybe even a week or 2 is not enough to OK the sex. (if that's what you mean by sleeping) if not then excuse this part.


I hope you listen to yourself or your heart more and not what your mind tells you to do. Good luck

[Kia]

Thank you so much for all the advice... I have been thinking about different activities in which to become a part of. I have been searching and emailing a couple of volunteer groups to join. I'm still thinking of joining a choir. I want to try out for a mass choir in my area; one I used to sing in when I was a teenager. I really miss the perfomances ad solos I used to have then. Hopefully I can reconnect...
The reason why all of this is extra difficult is that... in my dumb pursuit to change myself over the past few years because I wanted this guy to really want a relationship & my insecurity about my looks... I attempted a nose job a few months ago. I spent a bunch of money secretly that was given to me, that was supposed to be for something more important and went to get the procedure done. My nose started to look better for awhile, and now it is about the same. I have been so frustrated by this in addition to everything else, that I took off work today tosee the doctor. He told me that it has just swelled up again. I must admit that I am not very confident in his words because I was under the assuption that the nose is supposed to get smaller as it heals; not swell up over and over.
So in addition to this whole guy issue and dating issue, I am dealing with a dumb nose job decision that I haven't seen results of yet. I am more frustrated by this than almost anything.
I see the error in not really accepting myself and looking for outside approval to validate myself. I swear the if God gets me out of this situation with decent looks I will do the work to learn how to accept myself no matter what. I've definitely learned my lesson.
I feel so... dumb... unbelievably screwed and stupid... but like I said.. I have learned my lesson...

[talaniman]

Keep the attitude positive and be patient. We all have done things we would like to take back, but we just have to muddle through and learn our lessons and be happy despite our problems. I think seeking positive activities that you will enjoy, is a major step in the right direction and over time will pay big benefits. Be patient as the insides become happier the outside will show it.

[inthebox]

Kia

We all make bad choices. It shows a lot of character to keep positive and keep moving on.
Beauty is a lot attitude and self confidence.
There is nothing more attractive than someone who has things going on, is active, is INDEPENDENT.
Neediness is not attractive except those that want to manipulate.

God sees our inner selves -that is where beauty lies.



Grace and peace

[Kia]

Well, I am writing again because I realize that I lost a lot of my independence ( mentally and emotionally), and trying to get back to the right mindset is a little more difficult than I thought. I ralso ealize that I am in a difficult position because I jumped into a lot of financial situations prematurely trying to appeal to the guy I was in love with for the 5 years. I have really just been realizing that I built a lot of my decisions around what I " thought " would appeal to him. Lately I have been feeling mentally scrambled.

I am living in an overpriced apartment and have been barely making rent for over a year now. I would love to get involved in new activities but since I moved I haven't been able to keep myself up like I'm used to ( hair,clothes, etc.), not to mention lacking expenses to buy food,gas and gnerally going out to do things with friends. I am still in school, but have retaken 2 semesters so far. I still have a year left on my lease also. I guess I just have not been myself; just very stressed out. I guess this has contributed to my situations throughout this past year also.

I think if I felt more secure financially I could have some peace of mind & start doing more things I enjoy that would take my mind off my situations.

General questions; anyone have suggestions on the best way get out of a lease early? Has anyone subleted before?

[manga]

General questions; anyone have suggestions on the best way get out of a lease early? Has anyone subleted before?

You can have someone take over your lease, possible to talk with the apartment manager and help find someone else for you by posting an ad out or you can.

[Kia]

Ok, so I am back)) Just would like anyone's input on this situation. So I moved on to a new guy and did this deciding that I was not looking for someone for physical reasons, and decided to be with someone who really appreciated me, and see how it goes. I met a guy who is nice, a little overweight for me and not as tall. But, we initially connected because he is a writer and has seemed so far to really like me. He compliments me a lot, and to be honest I need that right now. I need appreciation because my heart has been crushed so many times. In addition, I'm counting down the days to when this doctor can redo my nose, because I haven't been so happy when I look in the mirror.

The thing is we are in a relationship right now and... this guy is talking celibacy! Why?! Actually he says he is "nerdy" when it comes to women and he's masturbated so much in the last few years that he has been told he has an "issue' with it staying up. He says he has to wait a few weeks before he can stay hard long enough to have sex. But then he jokes that we should be celibate or something. When we tried to get together a couple times he lost his hard on in the middle, or he couldnt keep it up losng enough to start. Now the thing is I have asked him to do "other " things while in bed with me until he "recovers"; but he acts like he doesn't want to. He goes back to how "inexperienced' he is, and talks about his nerdiness. He's not that d^%*& nerdy! I don't think so anyway. He's 31 and I don't understand what's up. I had sex with a guy friend of mine recently because I needed to. I just don't understand all of this.

Needless to say.. I have been thinking a lot about the guy I was in love with for 6 years because I loved him and he was one of the best in bed to me; if not the best. I've been thinking about him so much lately, though he hurt me soooo bad and I guess it would be beyond unhealthy to call him again. But this is where I don't know what to do! I try to do what's " best" for me and my emotional health; but it doesn't feeeel any better! This other guy has been running through my head constantly and I'm really starting to miss him again... Just his presence in my life seemed to make me happy; or fulfill something in me; even when he hurt my feelings...

[talaniman]

Your looking for love in all the wrong places and I think you should leave the relationships alone until you can get a handle on your personal issues. No one can make you happy and appreciate yourself but YOU and until you do your choices in men and relationships will surely fail, causing more misery and pain and unhappiness. You need time for just you and help guiding you through the process of being happy with yourself. Until then no relationship will make you happy.

[SAB123]

I would also take time for yourself and heal. I don't think you completely healed from your ex. And I think until you do the next relationship will fail.

[Canada_Sweety]

Hold off on relationships for a while. Seems like you just need to wait for a little while.
As for your anger..... try working out to get some tension off your back.:)

[Kia]

I would like to try to take some time out in my life to be by myself, but its like ridiculously hard. Its ideal of course, but I have hot friends, who are always dating and having fun. I also feel so bad about myself when I'm alone. I guess because of the nose issue and everything, I need someone to want me, maybe even more than before.

I slept with a guy last night... a really, really cute one that I like. But I will never tell him... unless he tells me first. He really attractive though, and I know he's got women wanting him. I prayed last night though for a miracle that maybe he would want me anyway, even though we've only slept together. As soon as I got home I callled my "celibate" boyfriend because I needed to feel wanted. He answered at like 2am and it made me feel a little better. Its almost like I sleep with guys I feel like are out of my league; especially right now. I still want really good looking men in my life, and the only way I feel like I can keep them is by sleeping with them. It's a shame, and I hate it. I guess that's why I wanted the nose job. I just felt that if I got it done right, I wouldn't have to sleep with the men I really want to keep them around.

I'm going back to see the doctor today. I pray that he can do something to help my situation soon..

[Canada_Sweety]

Hunni, before a man can love you, you must love yourself... wise words.

[talaniman]

A nose job will make you look different, but what needs to change is your idea of keeping good looking men in your life by sleeping with them. You should really see a counselor.

[Kia]

Well I'm just writing to ask everyone to pray for me that my nose turns out a lot better than now because I'm going to get it redone next week. My doctor finally said okay.

I know it seems like I need counseling, which I have tried before. But counseling advice is good, but I guess I do look for positive feedback from the outside world. I mean how you feel about yourself, does affect how you project yourself to a certain degree. But I do believe there is some truth to the saying " when you look good, you feel good". I mean, not to be shallow, but the hotter you look on the outside, people tend to treat you better. Well at least your personal life can change for the better...
My personal life has always been the hardest part for me. I am involved in different activities and stuff now. I also feel that I am smart, and have the capacity to be more outgoing and happy. I'm just always concerned if I'm attractive enough, and that in itself brings me down more often than not.
But anyway, please pray for me, I need all of the prayers I can get!

[nicespringgirl]

I don't really have much experience but I will give you some advice here:
Be yourself. There is nothing sadder than watching someone pretend to be someone they are not. You'll never feel truly accepted by anyone if who they accept isn't the real you. Men can detect a "phony" easily, and it is not attractive. Your personality is your number one tool to attract men—so use it.
Be confident. Insecurity is never cute. Men love women who are comfortable in their own skin. Know that you are fabulous without being conceited, and it will show. You'll be more attractive to men and people in general.
Create an image. Don't get all high maintenance, but taking pride in your appearance is a must. Men are visual creatures, and attraction starts with what they see. Work out to keep yourself in shape. Dress in flattering clothes that express your individual style. Wear make-up that complements your skin tone, and always smell good.
Play up your assets. Focus on what's great about your body, instead of your perceived flaws.
A beautifl lady is someone has a beautiful heart, I am sure you do, a wise man will see you.. :)

[Kia]

Okay.. so I'm fresh out of getting my nose redone. And guess what? I can't see the difference. Maybe its because I'm all bruised up, I don't know. But, I am so sick of this whole ordeal. I'm walking around with a bruised nose, I've been isolating myself because I don't want people to see me this way. I've even started smoking to pass the time.

I'm just thinking, maybe I should give it up. Maybe I should just try to accept who I am.. or what's left of me. But that's so hard for me for some reason.

I broke up with the last guy I was seeing, and now I feel a little alone again. We're friends, but now he tells me he is looking for a women who's my size but with a bigger rear end. Whatever! I'm just so spent with trying to change myself. Its like I see where some physical attributes could be improved but when I go to change it, its not done correctly, or it s half job. Maybe the surgeon is bad...

Anyway I am pretty tired of this personal rat race and isolation I'm putting myself in. I miss just dressing up and going out and feeling okay, even if I didn't get all the guys I wanted, or seeing guys that I like who know what I look like already.

I guess at some point I have to let go, I just...

Its like a feeling of "what if" I do this one last thing.. then Ill look exactly how I want to look like. If I don't Ill be stuck accepting what I could have made better if I just kept trying. On the other hand, if it never gets there I will be further from my goal than when I started & be totally different looking..

I guess I just have to make a decision...