[heartbroken]

It's me again. Things haven't improved much. Its been 2 weeks now since the breakup and I have run into him twice! He is always nice and sweet to me; hugging me and talking to me. This is where I'm confused, he always says that he will call me the next day and he doesn't. I don't know what to think. I feel like I don't have closure on this and I am considering calling him and telling him that I don't want to continue to talk to him anymore; I'll make it easy for him.

What do you think, should I call? Or wait it out! I still want him back and don't want to do anything stupid

Thanks.

[toonking]

Boy!! This fella must be like some Playgirl pin-up Muscle Beach hunk or something. Will you just go out and meet new people already. It's painfully clear that either, a) the break-up was no big deal and you're over-reacting, or b) the break-up WAS a big deal and he doesn't give a crap. I'll give you the benefit here and say this fella is being a gradeA next-level creep by sloughing off your heartbreak, pretending everything is fine, and moving on. However, one must consider the flip side of that: he recognizes that (in his mind) the romance is over and he's doing his best to salvage a friendship. Remember, a relationship is a two-way street, and if he's lost that feeling for you it could be best for both of you to move on, rather than stick it out in misery.

Another possibility is that he's embarrassed by his actions, but has too much pride to admit it. Could be why he's not calling, even though he said he would.

Phhhhh. "F" Dr. Phil. This stuff is easy!!

[Irishgirl]

Hi
Please please tell me you didn't call him! No offence but if a man likes you it's pretty obvious, equally as obvious is when he's giving you the brush off! Make the best of this bad situation by at least walking away with your dignity intact. This man will respect you more for it and I promise the closure that your after won't be found by calling him. I can also 99.9% guarantee what the phone call will be like, he'll talk to you for a little while, nothing very serious, then make an excuse to get off the phone as men can't stand feeling uncomfortable! If your completely honest with yourself do wish that you'd call and he'll say "I didn't have the nerve to ring you first, thank you for calling cause I've missed you so much,I love you take me back Please" and then buy you lots of pretty things?? This doesn't happen in real life, only in Julia Robert films, sorry to say. If you called this fella would breath a huge sigh of relief whenever you got of the phone, then maybe start screening them!! Please accept that this is over before you drive yourself crazy.

[Wildcat21]

Yes - I'd listen to Irishgirl. Huge dose of reality.

IF you have seen him out and he didn't pull you aside and tell you how much he misses you etc. - then he just isn't into to you.

AND IF he didn't call the next day - forget. Get this guy out of your head. He isplaying with you noe.

If his interest level was high you would have been making out with him that night.

DON'T CALL - I wouldn't even given him much attention when you see him. You don'r want to seem desperate - calling him would come across as desperate.

[heartbroken]

I didn't call him last night. I held myself back. But, he ended up calling me right before I went to bed! We talked for about a 1/2 hour and he said that he didn't call because he thought I was mad at him because I didn't say goodbye to him the last time I saw him. He was waiting for me to call... we had a good conversation, not uncomfortable at all, although we didn't talk about the relationship. At the end of the conversation, he said he would call me Tuesday or Wednesday, or he told me to call him. He wants me to be able to call him too.

Why does he still want to keep in contact? It is so hard for me to let go, even though I know that I shouldn't be talking to him. When I saw him Saturday, he was sweet to me and hugged me several times and said that he has been kind of bored and I was so much fun to hang out with. But then he told me that he is going out of town this weekend with some friends. I asked him if he really wanted to still keep in touch and he said, "why wouldn't I?" All of my friends say that he is keeping me at arms distance for when he gets this out of his system.

Help! Thanks.

[Wildcat21]

You keep making the same mistakes. He is toying with you. There is nothing gto get out of his system.

You just DON'T GET IT do you!! He has you - you are always there for him.

Until you understand...

PEOPLE WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE!!

You should NOT have answered AND do not call him.

Wake up sister. He has no challenge.

[Irishgirl]

Look at it this way, to be blunt and I'm really sorry, this man isn't upset that your relationship is over otherwise he would find it difficult to talk to you, which he doesn't, this screams that he is indifferent to you! By this I mean he could take you or leave you. Trust me you don't want to be anywhere near someone how thinks of you like that. Think of how you should be treated, what has this man ever done for you? Do really want to be feeling like this a month done the line? Scratch this one up to experience and move on. If this man really likes you, which I'm sorry I doubt, he'll prove it to you.

[Wildcat21]

Indifferent is a great word. He has you hanging IF he is lonely - BUT, he doesn't want to be with you.

[toonking]

Idea. It's childish, but it might work. If you've got friends whom are still in contact with him, ask them to let him know that you went out on a date the other night... and it was GREAT!! See how he responds.

Hell, if he's toying with you... toy right back!! There's nothing wrong with a little forced strategy. Up until now, he's been playing it safe -- no commitment, no directness. Change the game. Make him play by YOUR rules. Force him to take action, rather than allowing inaction. If he is truly interested in you, it'll show.

[heartbroken]

I'm more confused than ever! So, he didn't call me like he said he would. I am sick of being let down and disappointed. I try to remember that he broke up with me because he needed some space, so I'm sure that's what he is trying to do. But, why would he continue to tell me he wants to stay in contact and call each other? I came right out and asked him and he said he wanted to keep talking. I told him just to be honest with me, either way was fine, and he still said he wants to call. He called me Sunday and everything went good, then he told me he'd call last night and he didn't. I don't know what my next move should be. I am torn between calling him and telling him I can't be just friends with him right now because I don't feel like I'm getting anything out of it. He says he'll call and doesn't and I feel more for him than friends. Or, should I just let it go and give him his space for now and see what happens? Its only been 2 1/2 weeks and so this is fresh and new to him.

All my friends and family say that he is out right now having fun and he doesn't want to think about the relationship, so that's why he isn't calling, plus he is 21 and very immature. But they say he also isn't ready to let me go totally either, as he still called me Sunday and wants to keep in touch. He knows I'm there in case he thinks it was a mistake, which he questioned in the beginning.

Should I call, or let it go? What is the best move to win him back and take some power away from him? I want him to realize what he is missing...

[Wildcat21]

HOW CAN YOU BE CONFUSED? He broke up with you!! He is just toying with you - what don't you get?

We have told you so many times - over and over.

His interest level is at zero.

WHY on earth do you answer his calls? YOU NEED TO PLAY HARD TO GET.

You will NEVER succeed in love until you do the right things. LISTEN TO US!!

You keep making the same mistakes over and over.

What ever you do don't CALL!! Don't!! But you will.

I am done trying to help. You're just making yourself MORE miserable.

He doesn't care right now because you are too availabler to him.

[heartbroken]

You are absolutely right... and I appreciate all your advice.

I will not call him! I will give him his space that he said he wants and make him wonder what I'm up to. I have plans this weekend to go out with some friends, so hopefully that will set me on the right track. You are right that he knows he holds all the cards right now. He doesn't have any worries because he knows I am here waiting, well, no longer... I am ready to play the game and play hard to get!

Thanks

[LostLoveWithoutACause]

First of all, wipe away all your tears and stop thinking about him... it isn't helping you physically or mentally. If you truly love this guy as much as you think and all his mates think that he is stupid for finishing with you, then he probably does need time away. You said that you saw each other every day, well the time and space from each other might help bring back the bond that you two have lost. 4 months is quite along time when you feel you love the guy, hell even a week can seem like sumfin.
Just let him have a bit of space and hell come back, if he loved you to then he would

Message me back

[heartbroken]

Thanks for your support, which is especially needed today, as the weekends seem to be the hardest for me to get through. So far I have felt OK about not calling him, trying to be strong and let him realize how much he will miss me. After all, its been less than 3 weeks since the breakup. I am convinced now that he needs his space and is out doing that, but he is still holding onto me a little too, which isn't fair to me. He has no worries right now because he knows he can call me whenever and I will be here. Even though he told me he doesn't expect me to wait for him, I question how genuine that statement was. He knows he has me still and I can no longer give him that power. I am sure I will continue to struggle, cry and feel hopeless about this whole thing because I do miss him soooo much. But, I realize that my only chance to get him back is to set him free!

[toonking]

I'm wondering if this is a joke. You're not listening to any of us, and making the same mistakes over and over again. You're not screwing with us, are you?

If he's calling you every Sunday, dissconnect the phone on Sunday, or take the day off and go to the beach or the mountains or the desert or wherever. Leave him hanging. Then, move on.

You're young, and you never know what (or who) might be around that next corner. Trust me on this one: you're going to marry somebody else, and that's a guarantee. Five years from now, he'll simply be another interesting memory as you're spending time with you're future husband, hopefully a man who places you on a higher pedistal than this fella.

[HANK]

Don't you think it's time to end this ridiculum? Plant a few flowers! Then watch 'em GROW UP!

HANK :rolleyes:

[edtad]

Hi,

I am an Australian journalist doing an article on message boards, and wanted to talk/email with some of the people involved in this message board.

I'm interested in asking any of you, especially those who have posted thousands of messages, about why you do it, amongst other things.

If you are interested, please let me know.

My email is: [email protected].
A blog of my stories can be found at www.etadros.com

Thanks very much,

Yours,

Edmund.
Edmund Tadros,
Journalist
The Sydney Morning Herald
Ph 61 2 9282 3905
Mb 61 4 1268 3823