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Irishgirl · Apr 14, 2005, 09:48 AM

I've been in your position though I was going out with the fella for 4 yrs. I don't think any of this has go to do with age, it's only a number. I think some of the advice your gotten is great but... you don't want to move on/ go to night classes and whatever else there was!! You want to lie in bed, in the dark, eating anything that doesn't need to be cooked are unfrozen! Everyone's had this experience and I think you need to ride this out. Stay in bed, so what if you've been there three days, you'll get up when your good and ready!! Friends made me get up and as soon as they turned their backs I was straight back in there ever more determined not to get out but this time with provisions!!

Eventually though it gets easier and you don't think about him as soon as you wake up, you realise the world still goes on without him in your life and maybe just MAYBE you might have a better time without him!! If you were to get back with this fella would you be able to trust him not to drop that bombshell on you two, three months down the line. Is he worth all the stress and tears because you are doing this to yourself!! I'm sorry if that's harsh but I wish someone had of said it to me. I really hope you go out and find yourself someone better because no one deserves what your putting yourself through.

Good Luck

heartbroken · Apr 14, 2005, 10:26 AM

Thanks so much! I'm still surviving, trying to keep my mind busy, but your're right, I would much rather stay in bed and feel sorry for myself. It's especially tough because I'm in school, finals are coming up and I have tons of responsibility to get things done. I've come too far to screw things up now!

He called me last night! I'm not sure what to think. It is obvious that he is trying to stay attached for some reason. We didn't talk about our relationship at all, we just talked as we normally would, about our day and what was up. I tried to keep it light and MADE myself sound up beat. I hate to admit it, but I even made up some things... telling him that I've been really busy doing this and that. It never hurts, right?

Anyway, he said that he would call me tonight or Friday, or I could call him! I will not call him, I've made that deal with myself. But, should I be talking to him at all?

What do you think?

Wildcat21 · Apr 14, 2005, 11:09 AM

You really should not have spoken with him. You have to be unavailable to him for now.

Answering the phone and speaking with him re-assures him he can have you when ever he wants - not good. Do you understand this?

You want to make him crazy over you. You need to re-ignte the flame. By speaking with him so soon you keep the flame dead.

Sure in the short term it helps to talk - but it won't bring him back.

You also need to get your head on straight and realize he needs YOU way more than you need him.

toonking · Apr 14, 2005, 03:15 PM

Assuming is a dangerous thing to do. Sit down with the boy and talk. There could have been some external forces at work in this break-up. If nothing comes from the discussion, then maybe it's time to sever the notion that a rekindling is possible. Life is a negotiation!!

Wildcat21 · Apr 14, 2005, 03:43 PM

That would be nice in a perfect world - but relationships to do not work that way at all.

There are certain Psycological principles that were not in order that made the break up happen.

Heartbroken simple needs to change. And follow what I said. This is not a business deal - this are matters of the heart.

She needs to become a challenge again - be the person you were when you first met! The fun girl, the hard to get girl, flirty etc.

Irishgirl · Apr 15, 2005, 03:30 AM

I think there's only one thing to do and I know it's going to be hard as hell to do but walk away! You were going out with this fella for a coupla months and he's already let you down so chances are it's going to happen again. It's not as if you will never meet anyone again. This fella sounds like he wants to use you to get over you. By that I mean it's hard for the person who does the breaking up as well, he's used to having you around so he's talking to you less and less the way a smoker smokes less and less, like weanning himself of you. Hope that makes sense to you. All comes down to one question, could you ever trust this man/ little boy ever again??

CroCivic91 · Apr 15, 2005, 09:56 AM

Well, I'm sorry for stealing this thread, but I felt like it was a proper thing to do.

I just wanted to comment on the "love tactics" site Wildcat provided :) I did take a look there, went through about 5% of the site and I found some very interesting thoughts... I decided to try them, and am currently receiving quite good feedback from the girl I have my eyes on... :) I'll try to go over the "rules" and "principles" a few more times, and hopefully will be on the right way :) Anyway, thanks Wildcat :)

Wildcat21 · Apr 15, 2005, 10:14 AM

Those aren't games. It things you MUST follow! Very few people can do that naturally - and usually they have a great passion in life - like sports or business - but they can fall into the traps as well.

YOU MUST learn the rules/principles IF you want to be happy. And it will help you walk away from a bad relationship.

'People want what they can't have.' if you are all clingy/needy - especially after a break up - you WILL push them away.

Your lover is part of your life - NOT your life.

LESS contact is MORE!! Make them miss you.

cutiegrl · Apr 15, 2005, 10:57 AM

You need to move past this guy and try to keep yoruself busy. He probably doesn't really know what he wants and is keeping you close by when he decides he is ready for that relationship. You don't deserve to be put on hold and except to be there when he wants you to be. Go out and have fun. I know you don't want to. That you want to be in bed, feel sorry for yourself, and be alone. You should spend time with old friends you hadn't seen in awhile and find things to concentrate on. I know it is easier said than done. I have been where you are and it is hard. You will get through this.

toonking · Apr 15, 2005, 12:52 PM

Hey, Wildcat... "she needs to becoem.." Is that some kind of weird religious ritual?

Matters of the heart... BAH!! There is emotion and there is LoGiC. Balance the two, and your life will be sooooo much easier it'll blow your mind. It sounds like the girl is 3/4 emotion and 1/4 LoGiC. If you use LoGiC, you will never lose, because LoGiC utilizes fact, not fiction. LoGiC... is your friend.

Wildcat21 · Apr 15, 2005, 01:40 PM

Woman do not think and react in logic.

Only men use logic.

Learn it.

You don't know how attraction works between men and woman do you. For woman it's not something they choose.

CroCivic91 · Apr 15, 2005, 04:04 PM

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Woman do not think and react in logic.

Only men use logic.

That's exactly why there are mostly Vulcan males in Star Trek :D

sweety · Apr 15, 2005, 05:40 PM

I no it isn't a nice feeling to be heart broken but bear in mind you were happy before you met him because you loved yourself. Before thinking ahead learn to love yourself again and spend as much time as you can by yourself to get to know yourself, this will strengthen you in many ways e.g how to avoid being heart broken again in the future by someone else and if you do then how to tackle it.

heartbroken · Apr 16, 2005, 10:42 AM

Help I need more advice quick! I ran into my ex out at the bar last night, only five days after breakup and it was the first time we've seen each other since. It was absolutely horrible!!

First of all, he didn't call me Thursday or Friday, like he said he would, which I think is because his friends are around and he is busy with them. I didn't know he was going to be out last night and so I was completely shocked and a total basketcase. I was literally shaking and felt sick to my stomach, I even felt like I couldn't breathe several times. Anyway, he stopped and said hi and we talked for a minute, which was awkward, especially since it was kind of in a group situation, with his buds. The was nice, not cold at all and even put his hand on my back several times during our conversation. It was sooo hard, but I eventually told him bye and he gave me a big hug, a peck on the top of the head, and said he would call me today. What do you make of his reaction and, do you think he'll really call this time? If he doesn't want to talk, why does he keep bringing it up? Why mention it at all?

After we walked away, I went to the bathroom and burst into tears. It was so hard. He looked like he was having so much fun and it sucked. Then, I had a really hard time not watching what he was doing the whole night, leaving me feel like a stalker by the end of the evening. Do you think I screwed things up even worse? I tried not to make it obvious, but it was hard. The last time I saw him, I woke up next to him and we were together! I didn't talk to him again, except for a "hey" as we were leaving. I know his friends probably have a big influence on how he is acting, at 21, but it totally killed me.

I can't stop obsessing and seeing him only made it worse. Do you think he'll call and if so, what should I say to him? His reason for breaking up was that he wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship because he never had the chance to go out with his friends. I guess he is doing what he said...

Do you think there is still a chance for us?
I just feel sooooo hopeless and lost!

HANK · Apr 16, 2005, 10:53 AM

There's a lot of sadness in this world. What are you going to do when a real problem confronts you? You've seen the writing on the wall. So, get someone else to date and quit feeling sorry for yourself. You sound like a real baby!

HANK :eek:

CroCivic91 · Apr 16, 2005, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroken

First of all, he didn't call me Thursday or Friday, like he
Said he would, which I think is because...

You really shouldn't even THINK why he didn't call you... you were given an advice not to even answer his calls, if he does call you, for a couple of times... try to understand it... I'll put it in nice capital letters.

DO NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS!

DO NOT WAIT FOR HIS CALLS!

Do you think he'll call and if so, what should I say to him?

Sorry girl, but seems like someone has to say it one more time.
Our advice is - DO NOT ANSWER HIS CALLS!

D.O... N.O.T... A.N.S.W.E.R... H.I.S... C.A.L.L.S..!

Do you think there is still a chance for us?

If you ask me - you should decide whether you want to try and get him back or not. If you do not want it - then just sort it out in your had, feel bad for a couple of days and be done with it. If you do want him back - listen to the advices given.

toonking · Apr 16, 2005, 03:52 PM

OK. Here's what you do. Wildcat 21, you don't have to agree with me. Heartbroken -- look at yourself in the mirror, literally. Take a gooood look at yourself, maybe for 10 to 15 minutes. Then, go outside at grab yourself a cuppa coffee. Just walk around a busy area. Notice all of the couples? They're in love. They're kissy kissy. Take a look at the women. I'll bet dollars to cents (or is it the other way around) that YOU are better looking than them! There's some real rats out there getting some, which is a good thing for you, because once you get over this dumbass, it'll be like fishing with a two mile net.

He's not the one and only for you, and once you realize that around the next corner might be the man of your dreams looking for a girl who's just like you, this fella will be out of sight and mind like a one-hit wonder.

Hmmm. Wildcat 21. How many clichés in that response. 4? 5?

toonking · Apr 16, 2005, 03:59 PM

Just a note. CroCivic, the main relay was definitely the prob. Don't need to crack open the distrubutor.

Sorry, Heartbroken. A little guy speak from another forum.

CroCivic91 · Apr 17, 2005, 02:01 AM

Originally Posted by toonking

Just a note. CroCivic, the main relay was definitely the prob. Don't need to crack open the distrubutor.

Woot, nice! Glad you fixed it! :)

Now if we were to find a good ECU for hearbroken... :D

trulydiva · Apr 17, 2005, 02:56 PM

Here's the deal: he is probably telling the truth, he is confused... think about yourself at his age. He cannot be any more mature than he is and you can't MAKE him do what you want... let him have his way especially since you can't change it anyway... take some time and do some things for yourself. There are no guarantees he may or may not be back, but do not lower yourself or try to change who you are. He got involved with an older woman and he needs to step up to the plate or be left behind. Allow yourself the time to greave(which sounds like you have) and then get moving... life goes on. If you found him... there are others. Don't get caught up in his game, let him get caught up in YOURS. YOU have more to offer him than he does you.