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FairyWings · May 7, 2007, 05:44 PM

Hi,

My story is a long one, so bear with me please, I promise there is a question here.

When I was a teen ager, I began dating a young man who is Mormon. I am not. From the first moment we met, we had an unusual connection. It's like we had known each other forever. We never ran out of things to talk about, we laughed all the time, we never had that 'oh he/she's going to break-up' feeling most young couples have. On more than one occasion, I would just get a feeling that he was going to call and I would pick up the phone before it rang and he would be on the line. All kind of things like that. After about a year and a half, after a bad decision on our part was discovered, our parents forbid us to see each other anymore. I felt like the very life had been sucked out of me. We secretly saw each other on several occasions, but of course that's no real relationship and it eventually ended. I didn't date anyone for quite some time. When I did, it was a man I had worked with for several years. We dated a few months and when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. I think a huge deciding factor was that I thought my ex didn't care for me anymore and I just wanted out of my parents home who I still held great resentment toward for forcing me to end the relationship. Honestly, I went into the marriage not expecting it to last because, while I loved my husband, I did not (and do not) feel the connection as I did with my ex.

Fast forward 15 years... I am still married. He is a good man, good father, he's steady and stable, a good provider, and truly tries to give me everything (not just materialistically)I ask for we have a good life together. But for 15 years, I have still loved my ex. Not a week goes by that I don't think of him, not a month goes by that I don't have a dream of him and not a year goes by that I don't break down and cry for him. It's like my soul misses him.

We run into each other about once a year in town, and we still talk like it's so comfortable. I don't mean we look longingly into each others eyes, but when we have caught eye contact, there is still that connection. Once, in an extreme moment of weakness, I told him I had dreams of him and he said he did of me too.

Here is where the questions finally come in. Since I first found out he was Mormon, when we first started dating in high school, I have been studying the Church. I know A lot about it. I have prayed to know if the Church is true. How can I be sure if any answer I'm get is real or if it's me trying to find a way to be closer to him if the answer is yes, or tying to avoid temptation if the answer is no? We would be attending the same Ward or at least have social activities together.

Secondly, I understand eternal marriage for the most part, and that you must be sealed to your spouse in the temple for it to be for time and all eternity, but what if he truly was the one I was supposed to be with forever and meeting him was God's plan for how I was to be introduced to the Church, but now we've both married other people? Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and have no intentions of leaving him or causing disruption in my ex's marriage. I just don't understand why I feel SO supernaturally connected to this man and it seems to be tied in to the church?

I even asked this similar question several years ago on a psychic board and was told that he and I had had past lives together. Not sure about all that though.

Please, someone with a deeper understanding of these things give me some insight.

magprob · May 7, 2007, 06:01 PM

We all gravitate to things that suit us the best. Is it vibration or past lives or something else? Who can really say. The thing is, you and your ex boyfriend had that and maybe still do. You are trying to find that again by becoming Mormon and attending his church. By doing that, you will only cause hurt and disappointment for yourself and others. It didn't work out with him and now you have a different life and someone that thinks the world of you. If I were you, I would talk to a counselor about how we learn to let go. Attending his church is the opposite of letting go. Good luck to you and I hope you can be happy.

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2007, 07:16 PM

If you don't love your husband and want someone else you need to leave them, Even if this man is single no LDS is going to date a married women, and family is so important to the church I doubt he would ever be happy with you if he was the case of your divorce to your husband.

What you really need is both marriage counseling with your husband and private counseling to get over this obsession for someone you knew years ago. First to be honest it is not natural or healthy. ( sorry this is not what you want to hear)

If you and your husband and family want to attend the LDS church for that reason great, but I would go to another church than your old boyfriend. But you are not looking for the faith of the church, merely hoping to use the church to get back with a old boyfriend.

What you are talking about goes against all the teachings of the church since some of their main teachings are for family,
But according to church teachings, if he is sealed with his wife for time and all eterminty, then she is who he is sealed to.

But please you need to get help, what if your husband read this, it just is not good for anyone.

FairyWings · May 7, 2007, 07:33 PM

I never said I didn't love my husband. As I stated, my husband and I have been married 15 years, he is a an good man, I have no intentions of leaving him or causing disruptions in anyone's marrige. I simply am trying to find out if my inability to cut the feelings for my ex is because I feel drawn to the church or the other way around. I just wonder if there is a such thing as soul mates. Doesn't mean you end up with yours, just is that what my ex was? Is that why I feel connected. This is a private turmoil I've lived with for years and yes, I know it's not healthy or I would not have posted these questions. Thanks anyway.

magprob · May 7, 2007, 07:56 PM

You already know the answer, you just cannot accept it.

FairyWings · May 7, 2007, 08:07 PM

So you think it's the ex thing drawing me to the church instead of just the doorway to finding that the church is the one true church?

I know I sound like a crazy, obsessed, crackpot. I'm not saying that I think of my ex so often that I can't function. Just more than I should. My posting is a concentrated version of thoughts and feelings that have built up over the course of the years.

I am on a serious soul searching, personal inventory, what's it all about, who is God, odessy (I guess you'd call it) and I don't want earthly emotions to interfere with any devine messages I'm supposed to be receiveing. Thank you for your reply.

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2007, 08:29 PM

Yes, it is your ex drawing you back, just read about the first thing you ask about, the being sealed in the temple, it worries you that you and the old boyfriend may not be together in heaven, it is obvouis,

Next you talk about praying about knowing the truth on the church, but then the very next sentence is about the ex boyfriend,

If you really wanted to know about the church you would have merely asked about just the church. About the 3 heavens about Jesus visiting early American Indians ( or south American indians)

You would have asked about the importance of full baptism within their church with the 3 witnesses. And a 100 other things,

But no, your two questions was about being in a ward or events where you could see the ex, and being able to maybe be with him in heaven.

This is not healthy, and while I have never known the LDS to turn anyone away, if you told them this story I would almost bet you may be the first, since you are not looking for the "RIGHT" answer.

If you wish to convert, do so with your husband also, and go to church with him together,

So to answer your questions.
1. you are wanting to be closer to the ex, so any answer from God is clouded right now, not until you pray for the right reason, and have put your husband and your ex in their proper places, will you get a true answer from God. So get help, get counseling, and pray to have any desire for your ex taken from you. Then and only then will God lead you on the correct path, and have him lead you and your husband together, since a family should worship together.

2. if your ex is sealed in the temple with his wife ( according to the LDS)
Then they are sealed and she will be who he is with, ( what is bound on earth is bound in heaven bible verse remember)

I am sorry you were upset on our answers but really, honestly, it is so obvoius from your post, I know you can't see it, but it was easy to see what you were thinking in your post.

And remember if you put yourself into a position around your ex, this will cause issues with his family ( maybe) and is not something that he or his wife deserves either. Now if you and your husband are both in the church, he will be happy for you that you came to the faith.

FairyWings · May 7, 2007, 08:43 PM

That is exactly what I need someone to say. I am so afraid that if I go to the church it will be because of the ex, but at the same time, I'm afraid that maybe the lingering all these years is the way God is "getting" me to the church I need to be in. Maybe it's not the ex my soul longs for, but the church and it would go away once I was there? Oh and of course it would be with my husband. I would never go without my husband unless I was personally visited by an angel saying, You go now!"

I'm so afraid of making the wrong decision, because, let's face it, the LDS faith is not without it's nay sayers. Then again, God will only stand at the door and knock for so long, ya know? So what if I take too long to "get" my answer? I needed someone to say don't do anything until there is no doubt. Thank you.

FairyWings · May 7, 2007, 08:53 PM

I didn't ask about the Jesus visiting the Nephites, baptism, or the Witnesses because I have been researching the Mormon religion for the past 16 years.

Fr_Chuck · May 7, 2007, 09:34 PM

If you go, go for the church, but be sure it is not the same church he goes to, and avoid events that would get you into contact with him.

Lacey5765 · May 8, 2007, 08:20 PM

Ok I am LDS so I hope I can do your question justice. WE do believe in a preexistence and maybe you did know him there. I don't believe necessarily in soul mates. Maybe you were drawn to him to be taught about the LDS faith but going to his ward is not a positive step in my mind. THink about your motivation here. I obviously believe that the LDS church is wonderful but you need to think - " if I go to another ward where I have no possibility of seeing the ex, will I still have the same desire to join the LDS church?' You need to pray and have the missionaries come to your home and talk with you and your husband. YOu may be heading for trouble if you are around him regularly even if you have a good marriage you don't want to do anything that would change that.

FairyWings · May 9, 2007, 10:56 AM

Fr_Chuck, if you would read my response (#8) you would see what I was needing to hear. I do appreciate what everyone is telling me and I DO agree. I do not like your sarcastic undertones. You seem to be able to give advice in everything frm pregnancy to real estate, so the response from the LDS member (which is whom I asked to answer in the first place) will speak much louder to me. Thanks anyway.

Lacey5765, I have prayed for the Heavenly Father to make those feelings go away. I do not relish in them, I am tormented by them. As I said before, my original post is a concentration of 16 years of feelings "popping up" every now and then. I don't sit around and pine for a lost love. It just seems strange to me that it would still be "popping up" 16 years after we broke up. That's why I was wondering if it could be something other than the ex that was REALLY at the root of it all. There is a ward in a neighboring town that he does not attend; however, all the wards in our area are so intertwined it would be hard to avoid him completely. Maybe that is the answer I've been looking for, maybe my answer is that the LDS faith is not the path I'm to go down. My husband is willing to go where I feel I need to be, but I think I'll step back from my search for awhile and just let him take the reins and where he goes, I shall follow! Thank you so much for your response :))

Lacey5765 · May 10, 2007, 06:35 AM

My intention was not in anyway meant to lead you away from the church because as a LDS member I love the Gospel. I am just suggesting that you do everything for the right reasons. Joining a church, especially the LDS means a change in lifestyle not just which pew you sit in on SUnday morning. I just meant for you to study the Gospel fully and make decisions based on what the Holy GHost says to you not your heart. I believe you have the best intentions here but could be treading on thin ice if you still have any feelings for the ex.

KyLi22 · May 13, 2007, 03:34 PM

Hi, I can't help you with the relationship aspect, because I, too had fallen for a Mormon, mine being a missionary, and they are UNABLE to date until their mission is over...

Religiously, I just went through the teachings for LDS, and I, too, have been praying to find out if it is real... I have not gotten a response back, or maybe I'm looking for it in all the wrong places, but I have been harassed, and scrutinized by friends for it... all I know is that the answer (from what I've been told) will give you a calming feeling... you will just KNOW... if you're questioning it now, it's probably not for you... and like me, you may be more drawn to your ex than his religion, which is how the religion falls into play with you.

As far as your relationship... Whether Christian or mormon, they have issues with divorce, so I am happy you plan on staying with your husband, etc... it is a very hard thing to be with someone who you don't have that SPECIAL connection with. I have it with my sons father although we are no longer together, and probably never will be...

One thing I've learned, no matter your mistakes, whether you do what is in God's plan or not, as long as you come back to Him, he will convert your mistakes into a new path, your new path may be your husband, while it was really possibly meant to be your ex...

Maybe for you and your ex to discuss things, maybe that will help the two of you, I don't know, just a suggestion...

Here if you need me...

Lacey5765 · May 18, 2007, 07:07 PM

KYLi22, Keep praying and reading the scriptures. I don't know if you are familiar with LDS.org but it may be a help to you as well. Pray to know the truth and while you are waiting for your answer keep searching for truth. Fasting may help you to be intune with the Spirit as well. He speaks softley so don't give up.