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Irishgirl · Dec 8, 2008, 02:27 AM

Hi all - This is a question mostly for men I suppose. I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 18 months and things are good most of the time. For the 1st year of our relationship he was very touchy feely, always wanting to hold my hand etc... No though he's done a 180, he's still affectionate but just not as much, he doesn't send me nice texts anymore or tell me he loves me half as much as he used too. My friends say this is normal and the honeymoon period is over and I understand this, I've had several longer relationships than this one, but I just think it's too soon for him to be complicant. Any thoughts??

Ber Rabbit · Dec 8, 2008, 06:28 AM

Remember everyone is different and the honeymoon period will end at a different time with every relationship. I preferred to date someone until the honeymoon period was over then decide if I could live the rest of my life with the attention level they were giving. Personally I don't recommend marrying anyone until you've dated 3 years. If that period passes and you're still happy they are probably right for you if not you both need to move on. You cannot change people to be what you want them to be you have to find the one who fits you as they are. Trying to settle for "not enough attention" is one trigger that starts people cheating. One day someone will come along who pays attention to you and that honeymoon feeling will be back. You have to be happy with the affection level you get in your relationship to be strong enough to resist those who would break up your home.
Ber

busterite · Dec 8, 2008, 09:21 AM

Have you talked about this with your boyfriend? Proper communication is the key to any successful relationship so it might be worth getting his perspective on all this.

LifeChangesMan · Dec 8, 2008, 10:06 AM

Hey,

Well in my relationship I was very similar to that, I actually was all about public affection and things like that for sometime until people started talking about it, and then I kind of backed off for awhile, then once I realized I didn't care what people had to say about it I went right back to doing it.

Also, where you want the affection is key from a male because usually they want to look "tough" in most areas to other people, not all soft and such, just the way I feel about it, but if he was affectionate for a year I'm sure he'll go right back to it eventually.

Take Care,
LCM

talaniman · Dec 8, 2008, 10:43 AM

Doesn't matter what you think, or feel, but what you talk about.

Then you'll know how he feels, and he will know how you feel. Then you can make decisions that either benefits you both, or doesn't work for either of you.

Communications are the key.

Irishgirl · Dec 8, 2008, 01:10 PM

Thanks everyone, sometimes its nice to get info from another source not so close. I think I over analysis and sometimes create problems, in my head, where maybe there aren't any. I love my boyfriend and maybe the fact that h is the way he is now just means he's comfortable

chuff · Dec 8, 2008, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Irishgirl

I love my boyfriend and maybe the fact that h is the way he is now just means he's comfortable

I was going to say that. What you are making out to be a big deal to him might be the biggest compliment in that, he's develops a trust with you that he feels like he doesn't have to be like he used because you already know how he feels. That is how this guy thinks.

Kitten78 · Dec 9, 2008, 02:45 PM

This is a hard one...
I thought we were just out of our honeymoon stage as well and then he dumped me in a text.

*POOF*
He just disappeared.

BlackVY · Dec 9, 2008, 02:52 PM

Check it... I'm a guy, and I don't change like that... I mean I know there is a honeymoon period and stuff, but when I'm in a relationship with someone, I neva just go off them, or think things are getting dull, because when you love someone, each time you see them, you still get that feeling in your stomach... I've been in long relationships before too... more than 2 years, and I've always been loving and romantic...

But after that much time with someone, I guess some people start to get comfortable with someone, or feel like they don't need to try as hard... so that's something to think about. Like everyone else's advice, talk to your man and let him know how you feel... he may not have realized...

But if you want the romance and stuff, maybe you could make it happen sometimes too...

Irishgirl · Dec 10, 2008, 02:16 AM

We've had a talk and he says public shows of affection make him uncomfortable and I understand that definitely. He calls me at least twice a day we spend 2 nights over the weekend together and at least one night during the week. We both work long hours for our jobs and I work 70 miles from my home. I don't know if I can have another talk because I don't want to put pressure on him to be more affectionate when that's not what he likes. He does other things to show how he cares there was bad weather yeaterday and he rang me a 8 o'clock to see if I got to work in one piece, given my car accident history with good reason, but does this sound likea man who's no longer interested to you? Any advice or reasonings would be greatly appreciated

talaniman · Dec 10, 2008, 06:07 AM

If your saying his best, is not good enough, then maybe you're a bit insecure, or needy?

I think its more about the amount of time your apart, than it is his show of affection, as he seems interested as he can be.

Keep talking, but be realistic with your own expectations of how he should act. All relationships change, and grow over time ,and you have to make adjustments, along the way.

Irishgirl · Dec 10, 2008, 08:56 AM

I think your rite I must be insecure in some way and that's my problem to deal with. I made a decision today anyway to have more things in my life-u can't revolve your life around 1 person-thinking about it though I do have loads of friends who I talk to at least a couple of times a week and loads of sisters and brothers who I'm really close to but I suppose it comes down to I either put up shut up or leave. Lots of people are in a much worse situation than me and I need to catch a grip

Irishgirl · Jan 29, 2009, 07:12 AM

Can anyone tell me why I did this?
I was going out with my boyfriend for 18 months, we split up on Friday, and I'm relieved about it. It was his step and I know that left to me I probably would have just carried on with the way things where! If I'm honest I wasn't happy for at least 3-4 months,which is quite long considering the relationship length,and stupid me just thought it'd get better. Why am I so needy or scared to be by myself that I'd carry on unhappy in a relationship reather than have the courage to end it? I must point out that me and my ex ended it very well with a kiss and a hug and was all very amicable, he was a very good person but just not right for me, that doesn't mean I don't miss him loads cause I really do but I know it's for the best. If anyone can explain why I would do something like this let me know please, is is insecurity I don't know. Thank you

chuff · Jan 29, 2009, 07:21 AM

I'm not sure it's insecurity or anything else. You realized it wasn't going to work and it ended. You knew it was over so there was nothing to be upset about.

As to why you stayed, perhaps you didn't want to hurt his feelings, or you weren't sure he felt the same way you did. But he did, so it's kind of the best break up possible.

talaniman · Jan 29, 2009, 07:36 AM

Its very hard to break up, and let go of someone who was important to you. Normal for people, but give it some time, and the emotional dust will settle.

kctiger · Jan 29, 2009, 07:41 AM

All habits are hard to break, even the bad ones. I don't think it makes you abnormal, it just makes you human. Be thankful you can see the reality of the situation and that you aren't on here asking the dreaded, "How do I get my ex back?" question.

Good luck!

Irishgirl · Jan 29, 2009, 09:07 AM

How come I have replies but can't view them when I click on the thread in my in box?

Irishgirl · Jan 29, 2009, 09:10 AM

Sorry worked it out. Thank everybody, particularly the habit bit. My friends always think its odd that I never fall out with ex's even 1 who cheated on me. I find the best way to get over someone is it succeed, in whatever you want even small things. Lifes to short to be holding grudges or hating someone I tend to walk away but tell them I wasn't your friend before we started going out and I won't be afterwards, clean break and all.

Romefalls19 · Jan 29, 2009, 10:01 AM

Good mentality to have, as long as you can stay away from the connection and keep yourself happy first

Irishgirl · Feb 4, 2009, 09:20 AM

Threads merged to save on the confusion!

So I split up with my ex last Friday and it was pretty amicable. We both know were not right for each other and decided to end it(we were to gether over a year and a half) but I met someone the night after when I was out with my friends and now we've been texting,calling and actually met up twice(in social situations though not alone) and he's really nice. But is this too soon, I'm thinking I was over my ex before we slpit and this is why I find it easy to move on. The other guy knows my background and says he expects nothing from me but to get to know me better. Is he too good to be true?