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sophia-tony25 · May 7, 2007, 12:35 PM

I'm 22 yrs old working in a VOIP industry.My man acted so weird, he is so addicted in sex.I'm in this relationship for almost 5 months. I never heard to him that he loves me. Whenever I tried to talk about relationship he changed the topic. I'm so confused right now I don't know what to do. He has a high sexual drives,he's rough in bed. We're really different in sex. He want's hot,wild,dirty sex while I want smooth and passionate.This situation always start our argument because it makes me feel uncomfortable doing the things that he likes,I don't know if he has issue with sex but when I'm giving him head he watched porno or sometimes smoking. I don't understand why he needs such thing,according to him he find it hot and turns him on a lot.He also want to have an anal sex. Its one of the reason why I lose my mood to have sex with him. I hate it every time he's asking me if he can put it in my butth***. This situation loses my sexual desire from him it think he was just using me for sex. I tried to talked to him regarding our sexual problem because he's compalining that I'm not a sexual person (which I am with my past relationship). I told him everything about the issue that makes me uncomfortable.
He told me that everything starts from sex for him. If were compatible in bed he could be with me forever.:confused: I don't understand his point of view. He told me that night that he don't need love or love making he need . I asked him if he loves me and he said he's not in love with me.. he likes me very much that's it.. no love in this relationship.. I have 2 option stick around and make him fall for me or leave and forget him. I was probably wrong entering this relationship because were working in the same company and the worst thing is--his brother is the owner of our company. What should I do now? I love my job.I don't want to look for another job. I care for him so much. I'm really confused, if I'm going to leave him I have to find a new job, move in a new apartment(coz were leaving together). I don't understand if he was just hiding his feelings or not. He's possessive,he appreciate me so much, he so sweet, and paranoid as well. He think sometimes that I'm cheating on him. He don't want me to go out with my friends because I might have sex or date somebody.He doesn't trust me at all.What he want me to do is stay at home and cook food for him, give him head every morning or sex before going to bed. According to him Its too early for him to feel that he loves me because it not been a year. Am I in a wrong relationship?because it sounds like all he want is SEX.. SEX.. sometimes I feel that I was a sex machine that can be use anytime he wants.He's using weed almost everyday. Is it one of the reason why he act so stupid?
I will appreciate if you guys will give me advise. It will definitely helps me a lot. Thanks!

J_9 · May 7, 2007, 12:39 PM

Sweetheart, choose option 2. Leave this lowlife!! Understand that option #1 will NEVER work, you cannot make someone love you.

This man, if you can really call him that, is just a piece of trash that is using you for his pleasure. Once he is done with you he will toss you out with the trash. Be the bigger person and do that first.

Get rid of him and find someone who can love you as passionately as you are passionate.

AltaVista · May 7, 2007, 02:28 PM

Maintain your self-respect and get away from this 'person'. He's so lost in his own little porno-fantasy world that nothing else matters to him. He won't change and you should Never lower yourself to his level. There's no respect being shown to you, and this relationship can only lead too much worse things that he'll expect you to do.
Make your plans (privately) and get out now.

Psychic Hecate · May 7, 2007, 02:50 PM

Your guy is only interested in having his cake and eating it, he's after just one thing and I honestly feel that for him, he's not interested in commitment or a steady or long term relationship just another notch in his belt. If you allow this man to continue treating you as he has been doing he will, I know that you do care for him and that part of you thinks that you can change him, turn him around to think and feel as you do but that is not going to happen here. There is no changing him, I feel that this is just him he has always been the use and abuse type though you thought at first that he was nice, he was a bit of charmer and I feel that now you are seeing the real him, your disappointed and hurting and staying in this situation will only bring you heartache.

There is someone out there for you, but you need to move on first before that can happen.

shygrneyzs · May 7, 2007, 04:26 PM

Option Two will work very well for you. A guy who watches porn and smokes while you are occupied giving him pleasure is not only disrepectful of you but clearly shows that he is just there for the ride.

Do not allow him to use you as his commodity anymore. What he is doing, how he is using you, is lending to a poor self image and lack of self respect on your part. You so deserve much, much better from a man.

I hope you take the othe advice to heart and look at this relationship seriously. Think of where you want the relationship to be in one year, in five years. It does not look like this guy is the one who will be there for you, when you need him the most.

Good luck to you.

smoothy · May 8, 2007, 08:58 AM

Find someone who likes it smooth and easy... like me (thats an example not an offer). Don't discount the buttlove thing however with the right partner its great. But don't waste your life on someone who gets off slapping you around if its not what you are into. You won't change and neither will he. Not enough for it to work anyway. Cut your losses now before you have more years tied up in this relationship.

JLR · May 9, 2007, 06:08 AM

Yes, a man can be addicted to sex. I know I am. I love everything about it, I study it, and I do it a lot. My girlfriend can't keep up, but when she says no its no. Your partner you must respect, otherwise do it alone, and if he does not respect you, than it is not worth it. He is treating you as his object, that is why he get jealous of nothing. He wants you to do this and that, like a car get me from a to b and play music. This is not love and this is not going to last.

In regards to your boss, explain to him that it does not work between you and his brother. You love your job and you hope this does not affect your position. I am sure he is a businessman, hence his the boss, and will make a business desiccation.

sophia-tony25 · May 9, 2007, 01:25 PM

Thank you all! I appreciated your advice. It just I don't know where, how, when to start. I thought this relationship will last because before it was so good. But lately he's showing his addiction in porno and sex. I hate it! I don't feel respected in this relationship even being loved by him. We never talks about feeling. But his showing affection when were together. Do you think I'm being use and abuse again? I been in a cycle of a relatioship that my partner abused me physically,emotionally and sexually. I maybe a martyr type. What should I do? I 'm numb and stubborn for being with a wrong guy. Do you think the problem is with in me?

smoothy · May 10, 2007, 05:02 AM

Originally Posted by sophia-tony25

Thank you all! I appreciated your advice. It just I don't know where, how, when to start. I thought this realtionship will last coz before it was so good. But lately he's showing his addiction in porno and sex. I hate it! I don't feel respected in this relationship even being loved by him. We never talks about feeling. But his showing affection when were together. Do you think i'm being use and abuse again? I been in a cycle of a relatioship that my partner abused me physically,emotionally and sexually. I maybe a martyr type. What should I do? I 'm numb and stubborn for being with a wrong guy. Do you think the problem is with in me?

Listen to what you just wrote. You answered your own question, You aren't happy, you don't like how you are treated.

Its time to cut him off and find someone who is more like you and treats you better. Everyone has a match. He just isn't a good match for you.

shygrneyzs · May 10, 2007, 05:15 AM

You asked about the problem within you. You said you have developed a pattern of picking the wrong men who are abusive to you and disrespectful of your feelings. You said that these men come to just use you sexually.

What you need to realize that those patterns did not develop overnight, you possibly had the beginnings of making those choices from early on. Low self-esteem can manifest itself in many behaviors - picking wrong men and putting up with mistreatment is part of that.

But that can change! You can go from dysfunctional to functional. It does take work and it does take some guidance. Not something you can just do yourself. I would hope that you find a therapist or counselor that you can talk to and explain what all has gone on in yuur life. Check out a women's resource center or shelter - the people there can provide counseling or lead you to a professional that canhelp you. If you do not have such a place where you live, go and talk to your doctor and ask for a referral to a psychologist. You really need guidance in this.

A counselor/therapist can sit down with you and after listeing to you, guide you through how you developed the negative patterns of behavior and choice making. You will be able to see how you can break those ties and get past your own self defeat. You know you want better and you deserve better. You are not a thing to be used but a vital young woman who is seeking an honest, meaningful relationship. But you have to be healthy before that is honestly going to happen for you.

Take care.

sophia-tony25 · May 10, 2007, 11:03 AM

That was a good idea shygrneyzs. I was planning t that before but because of my schedule in work I'm having a hard time and I think it will cost a lot. I got lot of issue in my life not just in relationship but with my family also. I think I really should go to see a counselor for my issue. I got a lot of burden in my life and no one was there to help me out or to listen.
Thanks for the advice!

smoothy · May 10, 2007, 11:08 AM

Originally Posted by sophia-tony25

That was a good idea shygrneyzs. I was planning t that before but because of my schedule in work I'm having a hard time and I think it will cost alot. I got lot of issue in my life not just in relationship but with my family also. I think I really should go to see a counselor for my issue. I got a lot of burden in my life and no one was there to help me out or to listen.
Thanks for the advice!

Not knowing what sort of benefits package you have at your employer you should find out. Many employers would cover such therapy as part of their insurance.

kepi · May 10, 2007, 12:37 PM

I would advise you to leave him. He's obviously using you for sex and nothing else, and you deserve better. Seriously.

kepi · May 11, 2007, 12:42 PM

The sooner you start the better. It sounds like this WILL require you to do something about him. You can report him to a supervisor, and if that doesn't work, you can get a restraining order or something to maintain him away from you.

EnglishRose · May 12, 2007, 08:44 AM

You need to leave this man. Yes you are in a circle, but you can break it. If you just carry on it carry on and on. Is this how you see your future? This situation will only get worse and worse. If you bring children into a home like this your children will see this as a way to treat women and it will go on and on. You need to snap out of this. Tell yourself that you deserve better than this because you do. Stop having sex with him when you don't want to, tell him you won't give him head if he is doing something else at the same time. Tell him he is making you uncomfortable if he is. If he turns nasty then look at his true colours. A man who cares about you will understand if you don't want to have sex. Next you need to find some where to live. Did you move in with him or did he move in with you? If you were there first, throw him out! If not, find somewhere. There is always another option if you are working. Tell your manager your concerns if it will make you feel better but remember an employer can not fire you without a valid reason. It is likely that he knows what his brother is like so he may empathise with you. If not, this is not the place you want to be working so find a new job. Then organise as many nights out with your friends as you can, and get your life back. I know this will be hard but you HAVE to do this!!