Originally Posted by
samira_m
hello my name is Samira I am 16. several month ago i torn my hygen on my own and we are very strict muslem family and soon i am gettnig marry what should i do
Assalaam alaikum sister Samira,
It is not a big thing to have a torn hymen, especially as it is possible to happen without sexual encounters.
You do not have to tell your parents, nor do you have to tell your husband until you feel that he will accept you and believe you when you say that it was not due to a sexual encounter but due some other reason.
Hope the following helps you in allaying your fears.
Wa alaikum salaam.
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http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?re...=eng&txt=hymen
Question:
Praise be to Allaah, I came from a religiously-committed family and I am also religiously-committed, but now I am living in a state of fear because I am soon to get married to a young man who is also respectable. The reason is that I think my hymen may have been broken – without committing any immoral action, Allaah forbid. Should I tell him about that (although it will be difficult for me) or should I leave it until the wedding night and not tell him? I do not know what to do, please advise me. May Allaah reward you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
So long as you are chaste and have not committed any immoral action – praise be to Allaah – then you do not have to tell him, and you should not worry about that. The hymen may be broken due to jumping, insertion of fingers, heavy menses, lengthy spinsterhood and other reasons that the fuqaha' have mentioned.
See: al-Mabsoot (5/8), Kashshaaf al-Qinaa' (5/47) and al-Fataawa al-Kubra (3/88)
The husband should think well of his wife if he finds out that she is not a virgin. As we have mentioned, virginity may be lost due to causes other than immoral actions. If we assume that he asks you, you can answer him in a way that will ward off doubt from his mind. Rest assured that Allaah will support His believing slave and help him. See also question no. 40278.
The Standing Committee for Issuing Fatwas was asked: A Muslim woman had an accident when she was small in which her hymen was broken. She has got married but the marriage has not yet been consummated. In another case, a woman suffered the same accident, and now religiously-committed brothers are coming to propose marriage to her. They are both confused about their situation. Which is better – should the married woman tell her husband before consummation of the marriage or should she keep quiet? And should the one who is not married yet go ahead with it, lest it become known and people think badly of her? This happened when she was small and was not yet accountable. Or is this regarded as deceit and cheating? Should she tell those who come to propose or not, for the sake of getting married?
They replied: there is no shar'i reason why she should not conceal it, then if he asks her after consummation of the marriage, she can tell him the truth. End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa'imah (19/5)
We ask Allaah to help you and guide you.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A
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http://www.islam-qa.com/index.php?ln=eng&ds=qa&QR=40278
Question:
I am a Muslim woman, and I fear Allaah in all my deeds. I got married – praise be to Allaah – to a man who is good in all ways; he treats me well and I treat him well, our relationship was excellent in all ways, love, respect, harmony and love for one another's families. But then things started to go wrong. These days my husband and I found out that I was not a virgin, but I am certain that I am innocent because no one ever touched me before him.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
If your husband is wise and religiously committed, and he trusts you a great deal, then what he should do is to believe you when you say that you are innocent of any wrongdoing, especially since the breaking of the hymen may be caused by many things, not necessarily by committing the sin of fornication.
This is if we accept what you have discovered about your not being a virgin. It may be that intercourse has taken place between you but the hymen was not broken, and so there was no bleeding, because of the nature of the hymen. It may be that the hymen is flexible and cannot be broken by intercourse, and requires medical intervention, as is well known to the experts in this field.
The hymen is simply a physical sign which cannot be considered proof of whether the woman is a virgin or not or whether she has committed an immoral act or not. Hence we find that in court, usually the absence of the hymen is not regarded as grounds for making accusations against the woman, because it may be broken for many reasons.
So the fact that the hymen is present is not a positive indication that a woman is a virgin, and its absence is not a positive sign of the opposite.
We advise you to refer to a female doctor to make the matter clear, because there may be many reasons the hymen is broken.
We hope that your husband will understand this matter and will not be hasty in judging you. You should be aware that one of the aims of the Shaytaan is to cause division between husbands and wives, because of the great evil that results from that affecting families and individuals, as we see in the hadeeth of Jaabir who said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 'Iblees placed his throne on water then he sends out his emissaries, and the closest of them to him in status is the one who causes the most fitnah (tribulation). One of them comes and says, 'I did such and such,' and he says, 'You have not done much.' Then another of them comes and says, 'I did not leave him alone until I caused division between him and his wife,' and he draws him close to him and says, 'How good you are.'” Muslim, 5023.
So he should close this door to the Shaytaan and avoid thinking about this matter, so long as this matter is not definitive and you are certain that nothing bad happened.
We ask Allaah to guide him and to reconcile between you.
And Allaah is the Source of strength.
Islam Q&A
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