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kateebebe · May 4, 2007, 01:33 PM

Unfortunately for me, I had a child with a man that turned out to be not what I thought he was. This was 8 years ago, and he has never seen her.
I would like to get him to sign away any and all rights to her. My father who is a very respectable person in society and has no criminal history at all has agreed to adopt her. He understands that the state can come after him if I ever needed support, but because he knows my financial situation we both agree that will most likely never be an issue.
1. Do you know if the court will allow him to adopt her in place of the deadbeat.
2. If he is more than $10,000 in arrears on his child support now, and it is all due to me, can I erase that debt?

My thoughts were to go through with the adoption, so he would never pay child support again and try to also get his past child support arrears erased so that he and I can part ways forever.

shygrneyzs · May 4, 2007, 01:42 PM

You need an attorney and your child's Father needs an attorney also, because this needs to be settled in Family Court. He cannot just say,"go ahead" and make it so. He has to have his parental rights terminated. However, this does not mean the child support goes away. What he owes, he will still owe. So if your Father adopts your child, you will be out of the picture? How is this going to work, with you as the biological Mother?

You need to speak to an attorney. Also research this help desk for the very same topic covered in many posts and expert answers.

GV70 · May 4, 2007, 02:32 PM

Q: Do you know if the court will allow him to adopt her in place of the deadbeat.
A:In my opinion you can terminate his parental rights when you want to do it.Non-paid child support and parental alienation are enough for any court.But I am not sure that the court will allow your father to adopt the child.
Q: If he is more than $10,000 in arrears on his child support now, and it is all due to me, can I erase that debt?
A:Yes,you can... but why??

Fr_Chuck · May 4, 2007, 03:13 PM

I do not think that the child's grandfather can adopt the child unless both the bio father and you both sign over your rights, The person to adopt with you would be your husband or life partner, not your father.

If you want him to sign away his rights do that.

Next you need to get with child support enforcement and start getting your support, he should be in jail being that far behind

tawnynkids · May 5, 2007, 04:45 PM

Actually unless you are receiving state support you can just close the child support case yourself. On top of which you can just "forgive" if you will the past due amount by telling the office handling the child support case (here it is the department of child support services- don't know the name of it where you are) that it has been paid in full to you. I have had it done in the past.

kateebebe · May 7, 2007, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by GV70

Q: Do you know if the court will allow him to adopt her in place of the deadbeat.
A:In my opinion you can terminate his parental rights when you want to do it.Non-paid child support and parental alienation are enough for any court.But I am not sure that the court will allow your father to adopt the child.
Q: If he is more than $10,000 in arrears on his child support now, and it is all due to me, can I erase that debt?
A:Yes,you can...but why???

I am a very responsible parent. She goes to private school, I own my house, paid my bills on time, etc etc etc. The one thing in my life is that he could come back at me at any time and decide he wants to meet her. I feel after 8+ years, I'd like to peace of mind that its not going to happen. I don't want to give custody or anything to my father. I just want him to step in and the bio dad to step out.
Things list getting her a passport has proven impossible. Then every time I want to travel with her out of the country, I have to have documentation...
I just think the next 10 years would be easier if he was no longer considered the father in any sense of the word.
Erasing the debt would be my way of just ending the whole ordeal. He doesn't pay, and he has never seen her (left at 3 months), so basically I'd like to just walk away from the whole situation and leave it all in the past.

tawnynkids · May 7, 2007, 01:05 PM

Why can't you get a passport for her? Because of joint legal?

tawnynkids · May 7, 2007, 01:17 PM

Well, if your ex hasn't had any contact with this child in 8+ years, you can have his parent rights severed on abandonment. He would have no say so in her life or right to see her at that point but would still be obligated to pay child support. You will need to get a lawyer for this, well for any of this really. At the very least you should be able to obtain sole legal and physical custody. That would take care of any legal issues regarding your daughter, you would no longer need his permission.

kateebebe · May 7, 2007, 02:25 PM

I haven't ever needed to take him to court for custody because he has never been around, so when I tried to get a passport, I got denied because I needed his signature. Then because he is on the birth certificate, I would need a notorized letter each and every time we traveled out of the country. I love to travel and its proven impossible to take her with except in the US.

tawnynkids · May 7, 2007, 02:40 PM

Well in order to get "him out of her life" so to speak, you will need to go to court. They will not let your father adopt her but you can get his parent rights revoked. Well I can't say that 100% but more than likely you can. Like I said above it will remove all his rights to her. It doesn't remove his responsibility to pay because that is how the state keeps from bearing the cost of this child. But they will remove his rights so as to solve the exact problem you are having, the inability to make sole decisions for her life and well being.

Matt3046 · May 7, 2007, 02:46 PM

No offense but it sounds kind of weird. So you go somewhere, and its like this is my father/grandfather and my mother/his daughter.

kateebebe · May 8, 2007, 07:30 AM

Im sure it does. But I am not married and my parents have said that they will take responsibility for my daughter if anything was to happen to me. We are just trying to head off any possibility of him coming after her in the future. She obviously would never call him "dad", it would simply be a matter of legality.
If something was to happen to me, he is the kind of person that would fight for custody for her just for the Social Security Money.

Matt3046 · May 8, 2007, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by kateebebe

Unfortunately for me, I had a child with a man that turned out to be not what I thought he was. This was 8 years ago, and he has never seen her.
I would like to get him to sign away any and all rights to her. My father who is a very respectable person in society and has no criminal history at all has agreed to adopt her. He understands that the state can come after him if I ever needed support, but because he knows my financial situation we both agree that will most likely never be an issue.
1. Do you know if the court will allow him to adopt her in place of the deadbeat.
2. If he is more than $10,000 in arrears on his child support now, and it is all due to me, can I erase that debt?

My thoughts were to go through with the adoption, so he would never pay child support again and try to also get his past child support arrears erased so that he and I can part ways forever.

Your questions as best as I know.
No the court, sadly will prob not allow this
Usually the arrears are owed to the state not the individual so no

It's a tough thing but, event though you obviously don't have a very high opinion of your daughters father, you must have at one time. I am not saying, to just get over it, but I am saying maybe just relax, the courts are not going to allow your child to be used in this way. Who knows maybe he will willingly give up parental rights. But remember if you later get remarried and want your new spouse to adopt her. He may not be able to.