[ArmyWife4Him]

I am 37 years old and have been with my husband for 9 years and married for 8 years this month. He is in the Army and deployed to a combat zone. He has been gone for 8 months. For the entire time he has been gone he has been writing love letters to me and he writes to me about sexual fantasies and then we get on the internet and instant message. Usually with our webcams. These sessions get pretty sexual most of the time. I know he loves me and that he is committed to me UNTIL... the last couple of weeks. He rarely calls and when he does it's always at times when he knows I'm not at home. He has written to me twice in the last two weeks vs. everyday. The few times when we do talk it's always awkward, he has nothing to say and the two emails he wrote to me have been VERY short. He hasn't spoken to me about sex in weeks. I know there are women where he is and most of the guys (sad to say) cheat on their wives while they are over there with female soldiers or they hook up with women on the internet. The internet relationships are the ones that ruin the most marriages because they are usually emotional and carry on after the guys come home. The sexual affairs with female soldiers are usually just that, sex. These girls are usually having sex with many guys at the same time, it's pretty gross. I know my husband and he is an emotional kind of guy and if he is straying it's not going to be a fling it will be a full blown love affair that's just the kind of guy he is, very passionate. I am sick with worry. He tells me he's going to call and he doesn't when he does he's completely unattached. I realize he's in a war and that there is a lot of stress with that but he has never acted like this before. Is my husband cheating?:confused:

[sypher373]

Have you tried asking, nicely, why there has been a decline in the amount/quality of the contact you two have had? Maybe there is a very good reason for it...

If he is as emotional and committed as you say, it seems to me that if something had happened, he would let you know, rather than do it behind your back.

Im not sure how much I can help, but the best suggestion I have is to ask why the communication habits have changed so much, and go from there.. But be sure not to sound accusing or angry.

[Fr_Chuck]

Since this is a war zone, it is very possible something bad has happened that keeps him upset. ( and of course men, esp soldiers are too tough to talk about it) Perhaps he had to kill someone, or he saw someone killed right in front of him, or someone he knew was killed.

So I doubt he is, Just my personal feeling on it.

[NowWhat]

He's in a WAR ZONE! There could be so many other things going on. Those soldiers are experiencing things we can not imagine. Seeing things that would scar us for life. On the edge of death daily. That can change a person.
He may not be in a place where he can write or his letters may be held up some where. This isn't your normal long distance relationship. He is at war. Cherish the time you do get with him and pray that he comes home to you safely.
Do not let your mind get clouded with things like this. You have enough to worry about as it is. Don't add un-due stress!
Good Luck!

[shygrneyzs]

I would doubt he is cheating. When my youngest brother was deployed to Iraq, there were strict and stern lectures about the moral behavior in a soldier - someone caught cheating could be sent home or discharged or brought up on charges or all three. Of course, it can happen. One of the female officers my brother worked with came home pregnant (she was deployed for a year and a half).

Still, I would give your husband all benefits of the doubt on this. He is facing situations and events we cannot comprehend. As Fr. Chuck stated so well, something could have happened that has affected him.

[marjoriemeade]

Stick with him,be tolerent of him. Love is hard to find and they go through a lot in war zones. Don't stress him more, as than he might get upset and not pay attention to what he is doing, thus get hurt.Next web can, dress girlie, make him smile.

[chelsiejones]

I do not want to say yes but that is what I am going to say. I went through exactly that... word for word letter for letter. Action for action. I even came out and flat out asked him if he was cheating... he didn't even answer me... he changed the subject by telling me about his day... I pointed it out and he said "im not leaving you, we have a family, a son" and started talking about the soccor team he plays on there in iraq... I yelled at him and told him to answer straight and he said no he wasn't having sex... come to find out it wasn't sex, it was an ex girlfriend that almost stopped us from getting married who he was talking to online... he was her first and they went to the same high school though he was older by 3 years... so now I do not know how to handel this... it is all too much to deal with... he will be back in 5 months and he has no clue I know.

[Cat1864]

Chelsie, This is an old thread and Armywife4him hasn't been back since she asked her question so this thread will be closed. Would you like to begin your own thread and give us your background so that we can give you advice based on your needs?