[taikyiah]

My childrens's father wants to giveup his rights, what or how do we go about doing that. I'm 21 years old and I have a 1 year old and 2 year old. I'm in a stable relationship and we are about to get married soon and I was wondering does my fiancé have to adpot them now or what. Because my fiancé is going to adopt them but not quit yet

[stephmgr]

My childrens's father wants to giveup his rights, what or how do we go about doing that. i'm 21 years old and i have a 1 year old and 2 year old. i'm in a stable relationship and we are about to get married soon and i was wondering does my fiance have to adpot them now or what. because my fiance is going to adopt them but not quit yet

You would have to go to a county courthouse and file with the custody office to terminate parental rights. In order for your fiancé to be able to adopt the child, you have to have the bio father sign off rights or go the legal way. Have him show up in court and tell the judge he wants to terminate his rights for the child. You should seek legal representation as well. There are programs available in some states for a reduced fee with lawyers. Call your local Public Defenders office for details on finding representation.

[LadyB]

I wouldn't allow him to terminate his rights until you are ready to have your husband adopt them, unless you want to be the sole legal parent for some reason. Is he only doing so to get out of child support payments and parental responsibilities or what is the motivation?

Some judges will not allow voluntary TPR unless it is to open the children for a stepparent adoption.

[ScottGem]

This whole idea of giving up rights stinks. As has been said in everyone of the many threads where people keep asking the same question, a parent can relinquish their rights, but not their responsibility. But what does relinquishing rights mean? It simply means that you have no say in how the child is raised. It does NOT mean you give up financial responsibility for the child.

So why does anyone need to formally relinquish rights? If they don't want to be part of the child's life, then don't be. There is no need to formalize it.

And, as Lady B mentioned, some courts will not allow a termination of parental rights except to clear the way for a step parent adoption or in cases of abuse.

So don't do anything until you are married and your husband is ready to adopt.

[s_cianci]

The only way the father gives up his rights (and responsibilities) is if and when your fiancé adopts the children.

[Fr_Chuck]

First of course the fiancé does not ever have to adopt, he can if he wants, but it does not require it.

The ex wants your fiancé to adopt so he no longer has to pay child support. So of course he wants to get out of it.

So I would just wait till your fiancé is ready, if he never gets ready, it does not matter.

[Paycheckdad]

First of all, it seems everyone is quick to judge and assume that all dads who wany to give up rights to a child must be some kind of deat beat father avoiding child support payments. Open your minds for a moment to the possibility that there could be a situation like mine. I am married and have twin boys, a stable income and a home. I also have a 7yo boy from a previous relationship. I have tried to be a good dad, I spend every weekend with my older son and pay what I need to. I have never questioned or denied my responsibility as a father. However, my son's mother lives with her 2 extremely over weight parents who live off the system due to their lack of personal responsibility to take care of themselves and the inherant health problems that come from being obiese. They eat and watch TV while the house my son is forced tyo live in consists of filth, mold, and trash everywhere with only a path to get from room to room. Unfit living conditions if you ask me. Why should I have to sit back and watch my son be riased in filth with little social interaction while I bust my hump to earn money that is supposed to sustain a better life for him? His mother is full of excuses and will not allow me to spend time with him unless it is to her advantage so she can party and piss away all that I have worked for. She instills no values in my son and his best friend is the TV 24 hours a day. They don't even sensor what he watches. I am powerless to do anything. Its painful to see this and be helpless. Mean while my current wife and children are left to get by on what little money is available to them as I am the only income for the house hold. No dad wants to be strung along for money. So consider that before you so callusly say that all dads faced with waiving their parental rights are doing it just for the money.

[LadyB]

PaycheckDad, how would relinquishing your parental rights improve your child's life? None of things you mentioned explain it to me.

Why not fight for residential custody instead, that way your son has a better environment and you receive the child support?

My brother is a single dad, receiving child support from his ex-wife because it is what is best for his daughter.

[ScottGem]

First of all, it seems everyone is quick to judge and assume that all dads who wany to give up rights to a child must be some kind of deat beat father avoiding child support payments. Open your minds for a moment to the possiblity that there could be a situation like mine.
...
No dad wants to be strung along for money. So consider that before you so callusly say that all dads faced with waiving thier parental rights are doing it just for the money.

I'm sorry but you get no sympathy from me.

First, I will say that I don't believe any of ever said that ALL dads trying to waive parental rights are "doing it just for the money". I'm sure there are situations where doing so is in the best interests of the child. A father going to jail is one example.

Your story seems to fit the doing it for the money scenario. If you really cared about the child and the poor conditions he allegedly lives in, then you would be doing something about it, not trying to wash your hands of it. You would be fighting for custody of the child. At the least you would be reporting the conditions he lives in to a local children's services agency. But the last thing you would be doing is waiving your parental rights.

[Paycheckdad]

I am not asking for sympathy and I didn't state everything I have tried in this situation, so your standpoint is understood based on the information I provided. Allow me to elaborate. I have had DCF (dept. of children and Families in my state) check the living conditions where my son lives on 2 occasions. According to DCF the mother supposedly pays rent for the room he lives in, and they can only rate the conditions of that room, and must have a blind eye to al else. I have consulted legal advice and services, many will not even look into the case unless I have thousands of dollars to put up. I live check to check to support all my kids and wife, pay my mortgage and try to make ends meet. I work 2 jobs and it is still not enough. I cannot get a loan since my credit is damaged from past financial trouble. I have looked into assisted legal help but I make too much money to qualify and not enough to afford a lengthy legal battle. I have talked both with his mother present and without to school and social officials. I have no options other than to sit back and watch as my son is forced to live in conditions far from suitable for children. The values I try to instill in my son on the limited weekend visits can not compete with the lack of guidance he gets the remaining 5 days a week. The court system in my state favors moms over dads and she has the free ticket as a single mother with a lower income to have limitless state legal and financial aid. I have no one to turn to for financial or legal support. We have tried to discuss these matters as parents, but she puts her selfish ideas before the welfare of our son. I hae even offered to take care of my son full time and allow her unlimited visitation without having to put up a single penny in support. I do not have a criminal record nor have I ever done anything that would indicate ill intensions. I am a good father within the limits allowed to me. Its easy for a mom to sit back and take advantage of custodial situations because the system is set up that way. You always hear about "dead beat dads" which I am not one, but you never hear about the many, many dead beat moms out there. I have read a lot about similar situations to mine, a lot of the rare cases where dads have full custody of their children, it is not uncommon for a mom to remarry and have more kids and be stay at home moms with no income keeping them from having to pay child support to fathers, is that fair? Or what about the moms who live off the state and don't have to pay child support? Its easy for moms to manipulate the system in their favor because when the laws were set in the 50's moms really needed the support of the still in use programs because at that time many were unskilled and had difficulty getting work. The family structure has changed over time with most moms in the work force, but the laws and standards remain unchanged. Where's the justice for well intended dads such as myself? There are bad people in ever race, creed, religion, gender and so on, why should good dads be deliberately discriminated against due to out of date laws and system abuse? We are not given very many options. I am interested to hear your thoughts to these facts which I don't think as a Mother you may have considered as you are not faced with these issues in the same way.

[Paycheckdad]

By the way I do care about my son, otherwise I would not have hung in there the last seven years and be posting about it here. My son is my life as are my twins. But no parent can stand by and watch my situation continue - its painful, stressful, agrivating, depressing and you go day to day with a feeling on hoplessness. Like watching your child drown and not knowing how to swim.

[ScottGem]

There is no doubt that dads are sometimes discriminated against in Family law. There is also no doubt that some dads can be frustrated by the system even though they are well meaning. But the answer is never abandoning the child. There has to be a supervisor in the child services agency, the child's teachers, etc. who can testify to the deleterious affect his living conditions have. There may be child advocacy groups that can provide legal and possibly financial support to help get the child out of such a situation. Speak to the social workers, your clergyman, school officials, etc. Keep pushing to get the child's situation evaluated properly.

But don't abandon the child.

[LadyB]

Have you sought out the various father's rights organizations online? They provide support and information of all kinds and I am sure some have attorneys in their ranks to provide advice.

[Paycheckdad]

Those are all good suggestions, I will look into the avenues I have not yet explored. However, it is still an uphill battle and I worry that regardless of the outcome my son will be affected by it. I have put in a call to DCF recently and asked that they check on the living conditions again. Hopefully this time they can help. I would also like to mention that when my wife called to inquire about my situation they were very pleasant with her and answered a lot of her questions. I then just called afterward (as the father I have to put in the claim) and they were very short and nasty with me, they just hate men and assume we are all bad, this proves it. Simply by the tone they talk down to me with even when I have been very nice and polite. They don't seem to have any genuine concern. We will see what happens.

[ScottGem]

I wish you luck. Please be assured, that I do understand how you feel. But my opinion is that the welfare of the child should be paramount.

I'm just curious, did you speak to the same person as your wife spoke to?

[Paycheckdad]

I don't know for sure, she siad she spoke to a supervisor, as did I, but I can not confirm it was the same person. Thanks for your support.