[startover22]

If you are married please ONLY be with your spouse. If you are not married PLEASE do not get together with people that are!! Anyone disagree? Anyone agree? Looks to me like there are way to many people taking the wrong route here. I am very disappointed!:(

[NeedKarma]

I also want peace in the world and the abolition of all organized crime... but it ain't going to happen.

[startover22]

Is it silly to believe in SELF CONTROL??

[E3317]

That would be nice, but the human body is too beautiful

[gypsy456]

If you are married please ONLY be with your spouse. If you are not married PLEASE do not get together with people that are!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone disagree? Anyone agree? Looks to me like there are way to many people taking the wrong route here. I am very disappointed!:(

It's about choices...

I say... you can fall in love with somebody else, have lusty feelings for somebody else... but what you do with it that is what it's about...

Being married means people made a choice at some point to be with that person.. for better and for worse... however, it feels to me that people give us "easily"

As for those who are involved in relationships with married people... also a choice.. in my opinion not a good one...

It's not silly to believe in self control...
I wish more people would do so :)

[J_9]

I pray for world peace... Oh, sorry that was my Miss America speech!!

Hun, we can wish all we want, but there is nothing that will obliterate cheating spouses!!

[momtofour]

I have found that most of the people I know have cheated or been cheated on. I hate the fact that people want the best of both worlds. One is the stability of having someone solid in your life and yeah, maybe it gets a bit hum drum sometimes but solid. The other is the "lusty" desire of being wanted by someone new and exciting and the "rush" of sneaking around. There are so many people that cheat it doesn't even shock me anymore and that is just sad. Sad that people make commitments to one another and to their children and they make a stupid choice to fulfill a hole or a gap and betray the vows or commitments they have made. If the cheaters would just put the energy into themselves and their partners perhaps that hole could be filled.

My best friend was married for 10 years and for 10 years suspected that he husband was having an affair. He moved out after their daughter went to college and you betcha, ran striaght to the woman that he was indeed having an affair with. Gets better, after he left my best friend, the skanky ho he was cheating on his wife with didn't want much to do with him. Skanky ho started sleeping with yet another married (with kids) man. She gets pregnant, he leaves his wife to be with skanky ho. No this guy left skanky ho and she is moving away. Is this truly the reality we live with? Life is not a reality show or Desperate Houswives, these are real people with real feelings and I just don't know where anyone's morals and self restraint are anymore. :mad:

[NowWhat]

I wish more people put value on the vows we take when we get married. They aren't just words. I took my vows very seriously. It sickens me that there are people out there that see a wedding band as a challenge.

[startover22]

I agree with NowWhat and MomToFour. Thanks for the good input. I know I can't change the world. Come on, I just want to put the point out there that it is VERY WRONG. If you can try and help people make the right decision, then do it and get back to reality and real life. Good luck to all of you who don't use yourself control, it will come back to you... To the people out there that use yourself control and respect yourselves, more power to you!! Good job!

[NowWhat]

I don't believe for one minute that every one of us can change the world. Or can't impact the world. If we bury our heads in the sand and say there is nothing we can do - this is the way it is - then - yeah, the world stays the same.

I think where we, as society, fall short is we have forgotten how to respect each other.
Husbands and wives don't respect each other. Singles see the wedding band as a challenge - not something that should be respected. People view children as second class citizens and don't respect their rights as humans - "they can't vote so they don't count"
Where did it go wrong? What happened to values and morals? And what is so wrong with wanting to change your reality? Because the next guy says you can't so get over it?

I am sure this has little do with cheating and all - but I wanted to put it out there.

[NeedKarma]

I agree with NowWhat. I'm doing my bit by instilling values in my kids that will hopefully translate into picking a mate that seems "even-keeled" (for lack of a better term) and to work through problems with communication and respect. Well I'll try anyway...

[NowWhat]

With that, I have a question. We, as parents, try to instill values and morals in our kids. We teach them the golden rule - treat others as you would be treated. All good things, right? Well - do we practice what we preach?
Do we Really treat others the way we want to be treated?

[startover22]

It has everything to do with cheating. I agree that we can make a small change in everything we do, then it wouldn't be so bad. If only you and I do this, then of course it will start to affect everyone we know, maybe just a little, maybe a lot. If a few more people could connect with your post, then maybe it won't just be a handful of people making good choices, it could turn out to be much more. I like that fact. Whether we are respectful to each other, that depends on every one of us. Thanks for the "light"...

[startover22]

For the most part, I think I practice what I teach, sometimes more than others. I am trying harder every day in my life to do just that. My trying will never end, as nobody is perfect.

[NowWhat]

I try to be the kind of person I know I should be. I don't commit crimes, I pay my taxes, I vote - all of that. When I am at the store, I try to be nice to the sales person and not just another person wanting to get their stuff and go. When I am driving, I try to be courteous of other drivers. I wave a the people who drive by. I try to be generally friendly to those I come in contact with. I am always there when needed.

I have also been on the receiving end of an affair. That is a pain that I never want to feel again and I don't wish on anyone. I do not understand how anyone can inflict such pain on another person. On one level though, I thought I deserved it. When I was young, I dated a married man. He told me he was at the tail end of a divorce and I believed him - but I should have known better.

I wish more people had enough compassion for other people when they do things. If you would consider what your actions could do to another person - the outcome might be different. But, to many people only think about number 1.

[gypsy456]

I don't believe for one minute that each and every one of us can change the world. Or can't impact the world. If we bury our heads in the sand and say there is nothing we can do - this is the way it is - then - yeah, the world stays the same.

I think where we, as society, fall short is we have forgotten how to respect each other.
Husbands and wives don't respect each other. Singles see the wedding band as a challenge - not something that should be respected. People view children as second class citizens and don't respect their rights as humans - "they can't vote so they don't count"
Where did it go wrong? What happened to values and morals? And what is so wrong with wanting to change your reality? Because the next guy says you can't so get over it?

I am sure this has little do with cheating and all - but I wanted to put it out there.

It's an interesting question you ask here... "where did it go wrong ?"
I am European and moved to the USA where I now live with my husband... I do realise that I live in a city where life is probably even more hectic than elsewhere (Los Angeles) but I notice that -without generalising- this is a consumer society where materialism becomes way more important than real contact with other human beings.
Is this a result of the technology ?
With all the beauty of the technology... internet, cellphones... there also seems to be a loss in Real Communication... technology makes everything faster which is not necessarily better... are we spoiled for choice... children copy what they see from their parents and environment... values and morals are incredibly important and I do believe that we can change our reality... I truly do.

The reality of cheating has everything to do with values and morals.
Marriage is hard work... but sometimes when I look around me I wonder whether people spend more time selecting the perfect wedding than wondering what it is they want and need from marriage... Marriage does exist simply because there is a ring on a finger.. the wedding bouquet dries up fairly quickly and what is left is the reality... nothing is perfect, no marriage is perfect but it's a commitment that deserves making an effort, over and over again.. especially when children are involved.

Unfortunately I read so many postings here on relationships with married people..
And every story basically boils down to one thing: making the wrong decision.
There is no excuse for having an affair with a married person.
Morals and Values... right ?

[Marily]

I agree with you 100 % its completely true, I also believe that there will be less problems in marriages.

[momtofour]

It's an interesting question you ask here... "where did it go wrong ?"

With all the beauty of the technology ... internet, cellphones... there also seems to be a loss in Real Communication... technology makes everything faster which is not necessarily better.... are we spoiled for choice .... children copy what they see from their parents and environment... values and morals are incredibly important and I do believe that we can change our reality... I truly do.

This brings up another point somewhat related to the initial posting. Morals and values start at home and should be consistent. I am so tired of watching this sliding scale. When I was a kid (I know, very cliche) and I wanted something my parents made me work for it, actually earn it. You know what I am talking about? Do you remember when you received your first expensive bike and you cherished it and took care of it? I do and I am so disgusted with these kids today (I am generalizing here and I know that not ALL kids are like this). They have cell phones, IPods, Laptop computers (at age 12?), manicures, pedicures and most of the children that I know today do NOT earn these things, they are given to them.

If they break it, lose it or otherwise, don't worry, momma/daddy will just buy you a new one. It all goes back to morals and values and teaching children a work ethic and keeping an eye on them. I know 12 year olds that sneak out of the house to have sex with boys! Where are the parents? When the parents do find out they get a slap on the hand and none of the items above are taken away. I know that society has changed but why are we raising self centered children who get everything that they want. I Know that this is rambling but it just infuriates me that we are teaching our children to be self centered and that we are a disposable society!!

[vlee]

I don't think most young people see marriage as "forever". They see it as "for now". It's everywhere... married, divorced, married, divorced... people drop in and out of marriage like they are taking a dip in the pool. I was cheated on in my first marriage. I tried to work it out through marriage counseling because I didn't want to be a divorcée... but it couldn't be done. I have since remarried, and have a wonderful husband. The most wonderful thing about him is he feels as strongly about our commitment as I do, and I don't feel that bond will break. Not everyone finds that... look at hollywood... yes, I realize these aren't everyday people and they are constantly watched, but they get married and divorced repeatedly and young people model themselves after this behavior. It's like marriage has been made casual.

I know why startover began this post... I am not excusing single women who screw married men, but in my own relationship, I blamed my husband for cheating and lying. I already knew the girl he was sleeping with, and she was a whore. I laughed my a** off when she gave him a well deserved STD. Of course these women should find a man of their own, but I think it's a high for them to have sex with someone else's husband. I think they often enjoy hurting the wife, even if they don't know her. It's a very deep way to cut someone without ever having to touch them.

[gypsy456]

This brings up another point somewhat related to the initial posting. Morals and values start at home and should be consistent. I am so tired of watching this sliding scale. When I was a kid (I know, very cliche) and I wanted something my parents made me work for it, actually earn it. You know what I am talking about? Do you remember when you received your first expensive bike and you cherished it and took care of it? I do and I am so disgusted with these kids today (I am generalizing here and I know that not ALL kids are like this). They have cell phones, IPods, Laptop computers (at age 12?), manicures, pedicures and most of the children that I know today do NOT earn these things, they are given to them.

If they break it, lose it or otherwise, don't worry, momma/daddy will just buy you a new one. It all goes back to morals and values and teaching children a work ethic and keeping an eye on them. I know 12 year olds that sneak out of the house to have sex with boys! Where are the parents? When the parents do find out they get a slap on the hand and none of the items above are taken away. I know that society has changed but why are we raising self centered children who get everything that they want. I Know that this is rambling but it just infuriates me that we are teaching our children to be self centered and that we are a disposable society!!!

Wise words...
As for the children today with all their gadgets... we can't blame them, they are the product of what their parents give/do to them.

I lived in Africa where I have learned more in 3 years than I could have learned in a life time in a Western society... People have nothing, yet... children are playing, they make their own toys, they are being creative. Thank God that the children in the Western society do not have to struggle like many of those children, but it does make me realise.. in this society people are spoiled for choice...

Being possessed by your possessions is not a good thing...