[riseupwfists]

You should realize, first, that I am so desperate right now that I've even resorted to an online help forum. I am very depressed and heartbroken. I dated this guy for 3 years and we lived together and had a very serious relationship and he just dumped me about 5 weeks ago. It's very hard for me to not hear about him because I became very close to his family and still hang out with 2 of his cousins who tell me about him when I ask. Towards the end of our relationship he started acting really callous and uncaring, never wanted to spend any time with me, told me that he needed space, and so of course I scrambled to accommodate him. I should note that for the 3 years prior to this, whenever I'd go out with my girlfriends or anything, he'd be very jealous or worried about me flirting with other guys or vice-versa. In those last few weeks, he didn't seem to mind at all when I'd go out. That was my first indication that something was wrong.

One weekend, I decided to give him space and so a friend of mine and I took a little road trip to Austin. While I was there, he called me and told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. When I asked him why, he told me that he didn't have time for a relationship and that he was really stressed and needed his space. I asked him if he still loved me, and he wouldn't give me an answer because he said it didn't matter. Of course I took it horribly and it ruined the rest of my trip. When I came back into town, I begged him to come over and talk to me about it but he stood his ground, firmly. So I resorted to going out every single night with my friend and have been doing that for about 5 weeks now. I go out, I get insanely drunk, I have had 2 meaningless encounters that only made me feel worse afterwards. I keep thinking about my ex but he told me that we couldn't speak because it was only making it harder for me to get over him. He threw me away, essentially.

I found out last week that he has a new girlfriend, and I flipped. He had told me he was dating around but nothing serious. I asked him what happened to all the "I can't be in a relationship" crap and he said that sometimes things like this happen, and that he's sorry. I figured she was just a rebound but he told me he really cares about her and doesn't want to hurt her feelings by talking to me. It turns out this girl was involved in a school organization with him at their university, so I know he knew her before we broke up. He insists that they just met, but they started dating A WEEK after he broke it off with me. Now he spends all his time with her and it hurts me more than imaginable because I am so not over him yet, nor do I see that happening soon.

I told him that I was moving in a month (which is tentative but I was desperate to get his attention) so he agreed to come over last night and hang out with me. He ended up getting on my bed with me and holding me and I told him how much I missed it and he said he had a little bit, too. He also told me that I felt foreign to him and that his new girlfriend felt right. That hurt me beyond belief. Then he made it seem like he wanted to sleep with me and I was feeling so dejected I almost let it happen, but he stopped me and said he didn't want to do it because he knew it would only keep me from getting over him and that he didn't want to cheat on his new girlfriend. I stupidly thought he may have done it because he still loved me but he told me that he fell out of love with me before he even broke up with me, and that he could never be with me again because we're just not "compatible." This is absolutely eating me alive, I can't stop dreaming about him, I can't stop thinking about him and her together, worrying that they will progress into something serious, even though he claims he doesn't want anything serious. I can't stop txting him or calling him. After 6 weeks, I am still as miserable as I was the day he left me. I don't know what to do. I want to get him back and if that's impossible, I need to know how to move on, realistically. I live in the same apartment that we shared together and I think about him constantly. I have his pictures and letters and a ring from him. I'd much rather hear about how I can get him to stop being with her and make him come back to me. I'm tired of going out and meeting stupid people, I just want us to go back to normal. I want our routine back, the one he has with her now. Study, eat, cuddle together, and go to sleep early. Somebody please HELP! :(

[Emland]

First off, pack up all his photos and stuff and box it up. Don't throw it away - yet. Just get the constant reminders out of your immediate field of vision.

Although a bit cowardly, (by that I mean no one should break up by phone) I think he did you a favor. You wouldn't want to be married with 3 kids when he tells you it doesn't work. Yes, he was probably flirting with the new girlfriend, but at least he broke up before he took up with her.

Don't see it as a failure on your part. I know it hurts, but you have had plenty of time to grieve. Find a new hobby, join the gym, volunteer at a Relay for Life event, etc. Get out of the house and do something around people that is active and gives you the opportunity to meet new people.

[diya]

I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know it's terrible and no matter what u do right now, your mind will wander back to thoughts about him. It's natural... but if you decide to forget him, which is best course for you to take right now because looks like he's found a new kitty in his cap... what will you gain if you run after him at this point in time? Think about it. How can you get somebody to respect you if his mind is not with you... and if there's no respect, the relationship will never last even if you get him back... u know what I mean. Girl, it's hard... but do not be vulnerable to any situation in life... it destroys the entire meaning of your existence. Get up and start living... take this experience as one of the learning phases and look ahead with dignity.