[helpmemit]

I have been living with this significant other for 8 years and in 3 previous apartment I had threatened to leave twice. Each time tricked into staying. Now, at this persons persuasion, I have reluctantly found myself in a home in My name only, in Alabama. I have now had the things that caused me to want to leave re-occur, but financially and emotionally overwhelmed. This person is so content and aggressive, yet subtle over a period as to attempt to "steal my identity". I am through, want out, but in order to recover my losses want the balance from the sale of my home. Also need this person to move on. Below are some notes on things done to me...
1.In the beginning, all furnishings of mine were to be disposed of in a sale prior to me moving in. This included furnishings, paintings, my cats, all kitchen utensils, (with the exception of the ones he felt were deemed fit for keeping). All that was and is left is my clothes and a few irreplaceable things, photos.

2. The following were gradually instituted:
There was the bossing, Demands and controlling of all the things in the house. Where everything was to go who is to do what and when.
Chewing me out for not doing what Frank expected. Rules, Duties and expectations. No diplomacy what so ever.

3. Jealous of me talking to anyone and if I did I was either, questioned, (interrogated), and/or reprimanded and falsely accused of negative intensions.

4. Constant kidding of doing away with me to get the insurance.

One time that I had a reaction to something and got a rash Frank asked his brother(a registered nurse) if he could give me this pill for the rash. Conversation with his brother was over the telephone. Frank offered me the pill and I had a very severe reaction. Then, much later I brought it up with Jason(frank's brother) about the pills and his advise. His advise was not to give it to me due to my allergy to Penicillin.

5. Protective stance on the regular care and the positioning of furniture in the house.

6. Frank has been scolded when I lived on Southside. And refused to adhere to my complaints of Credit card abuse and Credit card acquisitions in my name .
I had threatened and intended on leaving him there at that point. but due to pleading and crying , etc. I changed my mind. First occurrence.

6. Frank has been scolded when I lived off Montclair. And refused to adhere to my complaints of Credit card abuse and Credit card acquisitions in my name .
I had threatened and intended on leaving him there at that point. but due to pleading and crying , etc. I changed my mind. Second occurrence.

7. It has now begun again in earnest . This has also included the following:
Now there is the house in my name that has made the ability for me to threaten to leave impossible Splitting up is difficult, because it will have a bearing on if and when the house will sell. Third time...

8. He has been sick and used that to further the institution of my loss of independence. By trying to stay sick and in need, he is intending to get my sympathy and also having to do for him due to his illness. Also is staying on the edge of needing to go to the hospital, the emergency room. This is his BIG, stand in control, (but stupid if you ask me, this is like russian roulette taking a chance on just being sick enough to go to the emergency room and not dying.)

9. Total control over communication to friends and Relatives.
(And worse of all the fact that he gives me a rap of being silent and content with "riding in the back seat" as it were. I am not, I am human, and I am tired of this control that has been put in place).
Nothing happens unless it meets his approval.

10. I get chewed out now on the an instance notice. The dog is not to play and the toys are thrown out. TV is all but what he wants very demanding.

11. And worse of all is the derogation of myself worth and confidence

12. Frank brought up selling the house due to his health the last week in March
I re-brought up the selling of the house and Frank became suspicious, yet when I reminded him he was the initiator of this he backed down and was agreeable
Frank had insisted on being on the deed for the house because something may happen to me and relatives couldn't step in.
He wanted off the deed when he realized that the sale of the house would change his Disability Check.
Now the conversation is about what Frank wants to do with the sale of the house and to get me into another deal as soon as possible, with Frank getting on the deed with his brother.
This morning Frank and his brother were on the phone discussing how to divide up the money made from the sale of the property on a new car and a down payment on a condo to come up with a lower priced living expenditure. And sell one of his two cars. Keeping the best one.

13. Then of course there is the fact that Frank has had Triple By-pass surgery in July of 2006 and in December had another Heart attack. As in January of 2007.
He is not willing to follow the directions nor take his medication in a proper manner.
One example of how he is using this to get sympathetic reaction is that he is having a swelling problem and has been told to use a support hose to help. Well , he got it and then won't use it and complains to people how swollen his legs are. I have directly confronted him with the fact that I know that He hasn't used it(support hose). That is why you are having the problems.

14. I had in the beginning, instituted $5,000.00 to the downpayment on this house as a gift from his brother. This money came from my Grandmother's inheritance to me.

15. Also the $6,000.00 that was won in the eBay sales of the coins, was the result of my grandmother's money that had been hid away in my coin collection.

16. There is an approximate $8,500.00 in Credit card bills to be liquidated in the resulting sale of this house that was instigated by Frank's zealous need for available money.
I feel due to this All this and the money that he has taken and I have had to pay back from the beginning from my check, to the end of the relationship is more than what the outcome of the sale of this house shall grant in profits.

17. Also, I have painted the entire house at a estimated value of work hours to be $2,000.00 work..

I am afraid with the house on the market and closing eminent, I am afraid to let him know prior to closing. Do I need to be concerned with making agreements legally with this person who is on disability ? Or can he be asked to leave as a tenant?:confused: :confused:

[Northwind_Dagas]

You're not married, and the house is in your name. You can ask him to leave (check local laws to determine how much notice is required) and after that period, he can be charged with trespassing.

Furthermore, as the house is in your name, unless you have something IN WRITING stating that the funds of the house will be split, he is not entitled to any of the money.

Additionally, if he receives funds from the sale of the house but does not report that income in regards to his disability, you can turn him in for fraud.

[ScottGem]

I would suggest you get yourself to a support group for abused women. You need help in dealing with this.